Whose Line is it Anyway?: The Invasion Continues
by Lenalaye
Summary: IT'S DONE! IT'S DONE! IT'S DONE! Lenalaye has finsihed her crowning fic! Come see! Come see! There was a great explosion, now what happens? What will become of those misplaced misfits?!!! :):):):):)
1. Prologue: Nightmares Revisited

Rain pelted the windows mercilessly as actor and comedian Colin Mochrie sat on his couch, restlessly shifting

Note: This is a sequel to a previous fic: Animorphs Invades Whose Line is it Anyway? So you might want to read that before you go into this. It's a little slow in the beginning but a plot eventually forms.Or not, it isn't terribly huge, you might be a little lost from time to time. Whose Line? is still not mine, and Animorphs too, because KAA might sue. Dude ya, just ignore that crazy fanfic writer…but read this first….

You will love this if you enjoy: Animorphs, WhoseLine?, fanfiction and Linkin Park 

Rain pelted the windows mercilessly as actor and comedian Colin Mochrie sat on his couch, shifting uneasily. It had only been a month or so, 71 days, since his encounter with the bizarre. The surreal events still clung to his memory, hanging around like a ghost.It wasn't everyday somebody gets turned into a goat orwatches as his friend beats the stuffing out of a fourth dimensional being. He was used to strange things happening on the show, with Drew Carey hosting as usual. That's what _Whose Line? was all about. But it wasn't a hilarious goof up or unexpected arrival of a person that Colin shivered in remembering. It was seeing aliens and __being aliens, not to mention entertaining them. Being held in their awkward grip. _

Colin's hand flew to his head, an action that had become a habit by now. Nope. No hair. He was still bald. He held his breath. Nope. No booming voice, no thought speak either. He sighed and sank further into the couch, his fingers twitching occasionally on the remote. 

"You gotta let go of it Colin. It's over, you're being paranoid." He told himself. He was too. Every animal he saw that showed a speck of human in it, he tied to a pole and waited for two hours. He would sit in silence, trying totune into thought speak. He could morph still, but he didn't dare. Morphing brought back….strange memories. Disturbing memories, however funny they were. He would keep every shudder of laughter inside. He feared that if he ever started laughing, he'd never stop. 

"…presenting contestant number one!"

Click.

" But Monica! You can't marry Chandler!"

Click.

" I thought your mom was your dad since she had a penis."

"What! You @!#^#%^@!3!"

Click.

" Why did you call her 99?"

"Because I don't know her real name."

Click.

" Today, President Bush met with dignitaries from Heshalnagbodnaria to discuss…."

Click.

"Crikee! Wasn't he a tough little bugger? Now my wife here will hold him as I show you his big sharp teeth. Oh oopps! Look at how he's pumping that venom right into my fore arm! If I don't free myself, I'll die in about.---Ugh….."

Click.

" Her voice brought fame and fortune but she couldn't escape tragedy…"

Click. 

"I'm not dying you idiot! I am drunk!" 

Click. 

"And now it's time for 'When Rapid Lemurs AttackPart 9"

Click. Geez wasn't there anything on? When their episode aired, the ratings went through the roof! Just about everyone watched it, making it a huge success. But even the porsche in Colin's driveway didn't erase that weird, weird night. 

Click. 

"Get ready for the network premier of the blockbuster hit…._Little Princess!" said the masculine voice on the TV._

"Oh hey! This looks good…" Colin put the remote down and got up. He went into the kitchen and fetched some cottage cheese. He opened the microwave and placed it inside. Fetching the spoon and the cooked cottage cheese ( which Colin ate instead of popcorn for the reason that he is Canadian and Canadians are just strange.I mean, if they're called Canadians, why isn't it called Canadia? Shouldn't they be Canadens or something? Strange huh.And when they get weirded out, we should all be afraid…er…uh… back to the story…) Colin went back to watch TV. He was just getting into the movie and fried cottage cheese when their came a clicking sound. 

Click!clickclickclick! Colin stared at his remote, quite befuddled. 

Clickclickclickclickclick! 

C'mon Colin! Open up! It's like Niagara Falls out here! Colin's eyes widened as he shifted his stare to the raven tapping its beak on his window. Colin slapped himself a few times, trying to bring about reality.

No need to beat yourself up Colin. I'll do that for you once I get in…. the voice grumbled. Colin fell out of his seat and crawled to the window, gaping at the raven. He fumbled with the latch and was met with a spray of wind. A soggy shadow zoomed in and Colin thrust the window shut. After clearing water from his eyes he resumed his stare. 

What's wrong with you Colin? It's me! Ryan! Colin was all at once angry and upset. How dare Ryan use the morphing power to contact him? He had a freakin phone didn't he? Didn't he know what that would do to him?And why interrupt when he was middle of _Little Princess?_

"Why are you here Ryan? And when did you get a raven morph?"

Quote the raven: Bite me. Colin stared at him stonily.

Sorry, it was really wet out there. You know how hard it is to fly out in the rain? Hold a sec while I demorph… The raven ruffled its feathers and closed its eyes, an oddly human thing to do. Suddenly, the raven began to grow larger and larger. As he became cat sized, the wings thinned out and became jointed. The talons began to lengthen, turning tan as they did. Colin knew he should look away, but he couldn't. And he really, really, wanted to. The mutant raven was now the size of a small child. The black feathers flattened and retreated into pink skin. Growing, growing even more. The beak pushed in and became a mouth as the beady, raven eyes became the dull, monotone gaze of Ryan Stiles. The talons were filed down to stubby toes and the last of the raven faded away. Colin found quite suddenly that he needed the window sill to stand. 

" So I take it you're still a little freaked?" Ryan said aloud.Colin,tenaciously holding his voice taught replied, 

"Oh no, I mean, I just saw a raven turn into my friend. Why should that freak the hell out of me?" Ryan rolled his eyes and motioned for Colin to join him on the couch. Colin walked with stiff legs and sat bolt upright on the couch. Ryan lounged in his embarrassingly tight morph suit.His face began to burn bright red.

"Do you…"

"Yeah just go up to my closet. Third door on the left." Colin said with a hint of besetment.As Ryan trotted upstairs, Colin tried to quell the raging frenzy that was rising inside him. He slapped himself a couple of times. _CALM DOWN COLIN….it'll be all right. You need to face reality, that's how you'll get over it….just face it, be a man….As Ryan came down, Colin asked himself when he had bought capris. Oh yeah. Ryan was way taller than him. _

" You'd think with all that technology they'd be able to incorporate cloths…" Ryan muttered. There was some silence, then Ryan spoke again. 

"Listen, I know it was weird, with the animorphs and all---"

"Biggest understatement there." Colin snorted and folded his arms. 

"But you need to face it again Colin. And hey! It wasn't that bad. I mean we're freakin rich now!" Colin stared at him.

"Rich_er…anyway, and I doubt you __ever flew as a bird Colin. It's pretty tight!" Colin cocked an eyebrow._

"What can I say? It's unlocked my inner child."

"Oh great now we have your inner child running loose…." Ryan tapped the armrest. 

" Ya know what? I think we need to watch TV."

"We _are watching TV." _

"No I mean _the episode Colin. I bet by the end you'll be laughing."_

"As they drag me to the asylum Ryan." He sighed. Colin was putting up a fight. 

"Well how about we just watch the regular episodes then? They're re-running right? How does that sound?" Colin gave a begrudging shrug. Ryan snatched up the remote and turned it to ABC. It showed the schedule: Two episodes of _Whose Line? and then __Who Wants to be a Millionaire? _

"There we go. Is that popcorn I smell?"

"No. It's fried cottage cheese. Want some?" Ryan shook his head. Colin was his friend, but befriending a Canadian was just as odd as befriending, let's say an Andalite. 

"Got any beer?"

"Yeah, get me one too." Ryan walked to the fridge as Colin bore his eyes into the television screen. A few scenes played showing weird, behind the scenes stuff ( you've seen that right? Like Drew Carry eating whip cream or the guys wearing costumes?). A smile cracked his stern lips.Ryan set the beers down and Colin eased himself into the couch. 

"Goooooood Evening and tonight it's Whose Line is it Anyway?! With who's your daddy, Wanye Brady! And don't talk to strangers, Chip Esten! Mommy what's wrong with that Colin Mochrie! And speak of the devil, Ryan Stiles! Come on down and let's have some fun!" Both Ryan and Colin's faces contorted into a slight frown. That intro didn't sound familiar. 

"All right. Now tonight it a _special, live, hour long episode! So now it's unrehearsed__and unedited!" The audience cheered. Colin and Ryan's eyes bulged out. _

Briiiiiiiiiiiiiing! Briiiiiiiiiii---- Colin reached for the phone with a shaky hand.

"Hello?"

"What are _you doing?!" _

"Drinking a beer, watching Whose Line? and getting seriously freaked out."

"Why is it that I am at home _and on a live program? I mean! It boggles the mind!" Chip Esten had never been involved with the weird episode. He was actually unawarecompletely of characters such as Ellimist, or the Animorphs or the race of omniscient beings called the fanfic writers. Drew, Ryan, Wayne, Greg, Brad, Laura, Linda, and he had explained the unearthly events away as 'creative scripting' and 'special effects'. They even went the whole nine yards by putting on a "Making Of" and deleted scenes._

"Yeah I'm here with Ryan. Hold a sec, I've got another call."

"But—!" Colin cut Chip off and pressed the button on his phone.

"Hello?"

"What are _you doing?!" _

"Wayne? I take it you're watchin the show too."

"Yeah! So it's no practical joke?"

"No Wayne, Ryan and I are just as clue-less."

"You don't think….Ellimist? Or maybe Lenalaye…"

"Who else? If anyone could make us appear in two places, it'd be them."

"Awww man! This sucks!"

"Yeah, hold on, another line. I'll get back to you." Colin clicked another button.

"Hello?"

"What are _you doing?!" Colin sighed exasperated. _

"Brad I have no idea!"

" I thought the season was over…wait a minute. You're home?"

"Yeah and Ryan's with me. Wayne's at his home and so is Chip Esten." 

"Freaky." Yet another light illuminated itself on the phone.

"Hold on, that's probably Drew."

"Hello?"

"What are _you doing?!" Colin gripped the phone._

"Drew I think it's Lenalaye again. What did we ever do with her laptop anyway?"

"I dunno, I can't really remember. We left it on the desk…."

"Crap. She probably took it back and disappeared."

"God help us if that brat's doing this."

" Who else would?"

"Ellimist."

"Sorry Drew, someone else is trying to call me." 

"Has Greg called?"

"No, better tell him just in case." 

"Okay, I'll call you back."

"See ya." Colin pressed the last line on his phone.

"Hello?"

WHAT ARE _YOU---_

"OH SHUT UP!!!!" Colin screamed into the phone.

SORRY

"Ellimist?"

YEAH JUST CALLING TO SAY….I'M NOT DOING THIS. 

"Maybe Crayak picked up a sense of humor."

THE GUY IS SICK, BUT HE'S HARDLY FUNNY. UNLIKE YOURS TRULY….Colin sighed. That guy probably lives in the fourth dimension just to accommodate his ego. 

"Lenalaye is my guess." 

YEAH. ONLY SHE WOULD BE GEEKY ENOUGH TO DO ANOTHER EPISODE JUST AFTER SHE FINSIHED THE FIRST ONE. SHE SERIOUSLY NEEDS A LIFE.

"Yeah so she doesn't disrupt ours." 

MHMMM

"So, aren't you going to stop this?"

WHAT? NO, I HAVE A BUNCH OF THINGS TO DO.THAT LITTLE BASTARD DRODE HAS BEEN ON MY BACK LATELY.

"Well, good luck."

YOU TOO. 

Click. All the other lines had hung up. Colin faced Ryan and he was about to say something when,

Briiiiiiiiiiiing! Briiiiiiiing! Briiiiiiing! Colin snatched up the phone and before the caller could say anything he screamed,

"WHAT ARE _YOU DOING?!"_

"Huh?"

"Oh, sorry. Greg?"

"Yeah it's me…uh…I guess this isn't the best time to call you."

"Sorry, it's just…goddamit!"

"If that @%#$% thinks she's gonna explode my head again, she's got another thing coming to her."

"You bet."

"So, what should we do?" Colin stared back at the TV. Ryan looked on earnestly. The show had been paused, temporarily. Colin let the phone slide.

"Ryan? Did the show continue at all while I was talkin?" Ryan stared at him with mouth swung open in disbelief and shook his head. 

"Colin? Colin?" Colin dragged the phone back to his ear.

"I think, for now, we should just watch."

"Just….keep on watching?" Greg asked. Colin and Ryan turned their attention back to the TV. All suddenly, the show came back on. Colin was staring at himself. A self that was smiling and joking like he would. Yet it wasn't familiar dialogue. He was at home. He was on live television. He was staring at a self that was existing at the same time as he.A chill ran its icy touch down his spine. Colin swallowed hard and brought the phone back up.

"Yeah Greg….just keep on watching."

*************************************************************

Sorry it's so serious. Just wanted to establish the plotline. ( god, now I know I messed up. I gave an improv show a plotline) Anyway review and tell me what you think. I have a few chpts written after this but I'm open to suggestions. What games would you like to see played? Sorry to anyone who is Canadian or who likes Canada. Review please!!!!__


	2. The Fun Begins

All Colin and Ryan could do was just stare

Thanks to Air Wolf, Momo Claus, and Danel for letting me use you here. 

All Colin and Ryan could do was just stare. Unbelievable. Sure it had beenfunny the first time and Lenalaye had sent them hundreds of thanks-yous. Apparently in whatever screwed up place they came from, the whole fiasco had been a riot. Over there it was a game: how badly could you mess with a mortal and make it funny. Their ordeal had beenhilarious.

But what made her think that she was going to be funny twice? Wouldn't making a sequel be over doing it? Somehow in Lenalaye's twisted thought process, that didn't register. They would have to be their marionettes again. Subjected to the strange and humorous. 

The commercial ended and the camera zoomed in the fake Drew Carey.

"Well hello and we're back! Now if you've never seen this show before what happens is these guys here will participate in sporadic games in which they had no foreknowledge of. The point is that since they have no previous material to go on, they must make it up themselves. I award them points. The points are useless. Like geometry to me!" Ryan shook his head.

"Whoever is playing Drew did not do their homework."

"Yeah. He sounds too intelligent and learned for the real Drew."

"And geometry! Must be some other stupid teen."

"Well there's one thing they got right in the imitation."

"What's that?"

"They weren't funny." Colin and Ryan laughed at this. Good ole Drew bashing. It was nervous laughter though, which died down immediately. 

"So now it's time for our first game--- "

"FRAUD!! FAKE!!!" the TV Drew was interrupted by the yell. The camera swung around and in stormed,

"Figures. Drew was never smart enough to stay away. He always has to defend his fame." The real Drew, dressed casual in jeans and a T-shirt marched in. The other Drew stretched a mile long smile and tapped his card. The real Drew approached the desk in a furious flurry.

"Listen," he growled "I don't know who the hell you are, but if you think you're going to steal my show…I have my lawyers this time…." The Drew at the desk's smile broadened further.

"Lawyers? Funny, I don't see any lawyers…" 

"They're right--- " The real Drew turned around and his jaw dropped. The camera showed three teenagers, grinning mischievously.

"What the--- " the real Drew gaped.

"We are everywhere Drew." The Drew at the desk said. Then with a stare so terrible he faced the camera directly. 

"And Colin and Ryan, I think you should be too…" Colin and Ryan had only a second to tense before they found themselves in a totally different place. 

"Huh?"

"How in the---"

"Je-sus!"

"Ohhhh…."

"Huh? Waaa? Oh no…" 

"Oh boy…." Six voices elicited some utterance of confusion. All of them were there: Greg Proops, Wayne Brady, Chip Esten, Brad Sherwood and of course Colin and Ryan. They joined Drew in gaping at the set. The three lawyers-turned-teens walked to encircled them. One a boy and two girls. One of them looked awfully familiar…

"Remember me?" she said. Then they all uniformed their glances and directed it towards the desk. The cast followed their look and no Drew Carey sat in that chair. 

With a slender hand and dangerous smile of her own, Lenalaye tapped a card. With every tap, the cast jumped a few inches.

She laid the card to rest and got up slowly. She made the group of teens four and her glance wavered. Wavered until she couldn't hold it any longer.

"Ahahahhahaaaaaa! Heheheheheeoooooo!" she burst into hysterical laughter. After a few minutes she grabbed the shoulder of the nearby girl and heaved a few more laughs. She snorted and then composed herself.

"I'm heheheee! I am….oh geez! I'm sorry I can't stand…ahahhaa! I can't stand looking at people straight like that! Oh my…" she giggled some more. The cast exchanged worried looks. Chip Esten was bewildered beyond normal, not having any immunity against this strangeness. Immunity that the rest of the cast had managed to purchase on the last show. 

Greg balled his hand into a fist and stepped forward.

"Okay what the hell do you want us for?" Lenalaye smiled mildly. 

"Huh? Oh yes. Well I thought we'd have more fun." Without letting Greg say anything, she continued 

"I must introduce you to my friends!" She moved the girl next to her. 

"This here is Air Wolf. She's loves explosions and battle and stuff. The occult and weird. Not to mention funny!" She then moved to the familiar girl.

"I present you Momo Claus. Loves Lifehouse, you guys,and In a Heart Beat. Prolific writer as well."

"Snork!" Momo replied. Lenalaye then moved onto the guy.

"Finally, Danel. He's British, likes you guys and Hitchhiker's Guide. Good with parody." Greg's lip trembled.

"There's more of you?" Air Wolf sighed and rolled her eyes.

"If you didn't hear it before, here it is again: WE are EVERYWHERE."

"This is getting nuts! I'm calling somebody!" Chip panicked and tore off into the audience.

"Does anybody have a cell phone? C'mon! Someone needs to arrest these people! Hello! Am I the only one here who noticed everything is out of whack?" Chip darted through the rows and swept a cursory glance over the audience. A tap on the shoulder brought him face to face with Danel.

"Uh hullo? We're everywhere." Danel spread his hands to encompass the audience. Chip's eyes scanned the members and then realized them for what they were. Somewere young teens, old teens, young adults even. From eight to eighteen they rose in silent testimony. All with those damned prankish grins of theirs.The mark of a fanfic writer. 

Chip stumbled down the steps and back with his group. They all diverted their appalled stares to Lenalaye.

With an impish smile she went to sit in the chair. Air Wolf, Momo Claus and Danel took their places in the front row. 

A sly smile andshe announced it with all the sentiment of a death sentence,

"Now the real fun begins."

************************************************************* 

It won't continue in this serious style! I promise! Just go to the next chapter and you'll see what I mean….


	3. Director's Cut!

The camera zooms in one Lenalaye sitting at the desk

Just know that I was listening to Smash Mouth's Astro Lounge, for some reason the Prince of Egypt soundtrack and Linkin Park's Hybrid Theory(best CD on earth) while I wrote this. 

Thanks to Hazel N. Mitchell for letting me use youand your characters Seth and Elia.

PS: Odrin is my muse

The camera zooms in one Lenalaye sitting at the desk. 

"Hello and we're back with Whose Line is it Anyway! Remember this is a _special episode! Lots of fun in store!" Drew roles his eyes at this and does a mock impersonation._

"Yeah. _Real special!" he mimes. A few of them giggle._

"Okay and the first game is…. "Director's Cut"!" she says and the audience cheers.

"Uh…Lenalaye…ma'am?" Chip raises his hand.

"What?!" she snaps and tenses up. _Oh no! I haven't screwed up already! My career is based on this! Then Odrin appears on her shoulder and thought-speaks advice. __Nevermind! Just snap at him and give him the holier-than-thou thing. Lenalaye nods. _

"There are only four seats. And they're six of us." 

"I AM HOLIER THAN THOU!" she shouts. 

"What?" Chip frowns. 

I GET TO USE THE CAPITAL LETTERS AROUND HERE! 

"Ellimist?" Drew asks hopefully.

NO, IT'S SHAQ! DUH! OF COURSE IT'S ME!

"Oh thank god." Drew sighs with relief.

"Don't be so relieved. We didn't give him the hoe-down for being a smart guy." Colin reminds him.

"I don't care, he'll set these fanfic writers straight." Wayne says. Ellimist manifests himself and begins blowing kisses. 

YEAAAAAAH! He does a dance and shuffles up to Lenalaye who raises an eyebrow. 

"Hey! I thought we sent Drode to go piss you off!" she says frowning.

YOU CAN'T THROW ME OFF! OKAY! LISTEN TO MY COOL LITTLE STORY! AHEM: DRODE WAS ALL LIKE IN MY FACE AND STUFF AND I WAS ALL NONCHALANTE AND THEN HE STARTED BLOWIN UP PLANETS AND I WAS STILL COOL. THEN HE STEPPED ON MY GERANIUMS. SO I WAS ALL LIKE "YOU CAN'T BE STRUTING ALL OVER MY FLOWERS MAN! THAT JUST AIN'T COOL!" AND HE KEPT ON DOING IT ANYWAY SO I TOOK HIM AND I HURLED HIM AND I THINK HE ENDED UP IN THE WAKE OF A SUPERNOVA. AND THAT'S HOW MY MORNING WENT! Ellimist takes a breath after telling the story. Everyone just blinks.

"Okay, good for you."Lenalaye says. Ellimist pumps his hands in the air.

"Butyou're here to save us right?" Colin asks. 

HUH? OH YEAH. He turns to Lenalaye.

YOU! STOP PESTERING MY LITTLE BUDDIES!

"You forget! I have the all mighty laptop!" Lenalaye presents it. 

YOINK! Ellimist snatches it up. Lenalaye sits there, pouting her lips.

"Waaaaa! Gem! Jade! Do something!" she cries towards the ceiling. Ellimist dances around in triumph. Then a bolt of lighting strikes him. 

YIPES! He drops the laptop and Lenalaye dives for it. 

"You !@!^%%&^! Fanfic authors! I outta---hey! Where'd my capitals go?" Ellimist realizes that he's Toomin again. Lenalaye blows a raspberry at him. 

"Wait a minute! I don't understand!" Brad whines. Toomin rolls his eyes.

"Dude! I was mortal once! You think I just woke up one day and decided to be a fourth-dimensional being? Names' Toomin." he looks down at his Ketran self.

"Dammit!" 

"Just for that, I'm making you one of the contestants!" Lenalaye points to a chair.

"Uh…Lenalaye…" Chip raises his hand.

"What?" sherolls her eyes.

"You didn't answer my question. They're seven of us, and four chairs." Lenalaye swings her gaze back and forth between the chairs and the cast. Chairs. Cast. Chairs. Cast. Chairs. Cast.

"I suppose you're right. HAZEL!" Lenalaye yells. The cast looks around wildly. A girl with mousy brown hair stands up in the audience and comes down to the desk.

"Yes?" Then a guy with spiked blue hair and silver eyes stands up.

"Yes?" another girl stands up, blonde.

"Yes?" They all blink at the risen group.

"Take Wayne, Brad and Greg." Lenalaye orders.

"Where the hell to?" Hazel shrugs.

"I don't give a damn! Just take them to the lobby or whatever and keep them there. Tie and gag them if you feel like it." she instructs. They all stare at Hazel.

"Can I bring my entourage?" Hazel asks and displays her group.

"Sure, why not? Don't let them be a distraction though…" Hazel grabs Wayne and Seth grabs Greg while Elia yanks Brad. They all hustle them out into the wings. Lenalaye looks at Ryan, Colin, Chip and Toomin.

"Get to your chairs! We're losing time here! Get! Get! Get!" she orders as the four hurry to their seats. Lenalaye turns to Drew.

"Hey Drew! Wanna host again?" she asks. Drew stares dumbfounded.

"You? You want me to do the show? Why?"

"Cuz I don't feel like being the host. It' s too nerve-racking." She shakes her head vigorously . Drew hesitates and looks at his friends. 

"Don't do it man!" Ryan yells.

"Yeah we're your friends!" Chip adds. Drew looks between them and Lenalaye.

"I'll give you ten billion dollars…." She offers. Drew looks enticed but he looks back to the guys. They all give puppy eyes.

"Awww geeze not the eyes…." Drew groans. 

"And a third show…" Lenalaye adds. Drew lights up.

"Why didn't you say so!" He shoves Lenalaye out of the desk and immediately takes up the pile of cards. 

"Yeah thanx. I better go check on Hazel there." Lenalaye walks off. Drew smiles and the camera pans the appalled looks on the guys. 

"Hey, you know. It's every man for himself." Drew says noticing their faces. 

"Ahem. As I said, the game we're supposed to play is 'Director's Cut'." Drew pauses as the audience cheers.

"All right, now if you've never seen this game, Toomin will be the director who follows what's been written on the little strips of paper. Colin, Ryan and Chip will act out a movie scene." Another cheer goes up from the audience.

"Animorphs movie! Yeeehaw!" 

"That's so cool!"

"Animorphs! Animorphs!" The audience hoots at the idea of an Animorphs movie.

"Yeah….right. Anyway the scene is," he looks at the card hard. "Ah geez not Animorphs again…." the audience screams and Drew hangs his head.

"Billion dollars….." Momo whispers in his ears. 

"The scene has Colin as Rachel, Chip as Tobias and Ryan as a Controller. Colin is about to be killed by Ryan in the famous death scene." A chorus of wails rises from the audience. We can hear a little weeping.

"For crying out loud! She's just a book character!" trash rains down onDrew from the audience. 

"When you're ready begin!" Drew yells as he shields himself from the trash. Colin stands in front of Ryan.

"You fight well human." Ryan raises his hand. 

"Nooooooooooooo!" Chip mimes being behind glass.

"I love you!" Colin calls out to Chip. Then Ryan's hand falls. Colin collapses.

"You bastard! Awwwww Raaaaaachel!" Chip falls to his knees and cries.

"Cut, cut, cut!" Toomin storms onto the set. He kicks Colin.

"Get up!" They all crowd around Toomin.

"You call that a shot! I wouldn't throw my grandmother in front of it! Now we need something popular. There's a big audience with teens. Yes," he pulls something out of his pocket " do it like a pop icons." He walks away. The three reset themselves,

"You like fight well human." Ryan says. Chipgets down on his knees.

"Noooooooooooooo." He does in a boy band tone.

"I love you Tobias baby!" Colincries out.

"But I never got to show you the shape of my heart!" Chip places his hands over his heart. Ryan does a little side step shuffle. He does a macarena like thing with his hands and taps Colin. 

"This is like so retarded!" Colin frowns and carefully falls on the ground.

"No, no, no! Stop everything!" Toomin interrupts again.

"We can't do this angle at all. It's too cliché!" he turns to Colin 

"And your boobs are too small." He pulls another slip out of his pocket. 

"We need something to appeal to older audiences. Yes…. I got it! Do it like perky oldsters." He walks away.

"A you darn whipper snapper! I'm gonna cane your hide raw!" Ryan rants. 

"But that's my honey muffin!" Chip complains. 

"You ole koot! You just try and get me!" Colin mimes walking in a walker. Ryan mimes swiping the walker away.

"Ah! Ah aww darn there goes my hip again…" Colin says as he falls on the ground.

"I love you Rachel deary!" Colin says from the ground.

"Stop. Okay start over!" Toomin again. 

"That was horrible! We can't do that! It's demeaning to old people. No….we need to be funny! Everyone loves a comedy!" he pulls a paper out.

"Do it like a Monty Python sketch." He walks away. Ryan goes and kills Colin.

"Nooooooo! Ya bastard! You killed my girlfriend!" Chip says.

"Piss off!" Ryan turns and says.

"I'm not dead yet!" Colin calls from the ground.

"She was just standing right there and you killed her!" Chip complains.

"I'm feeling better! I could go for a walk…" Colin says and tries to get up. Ryan does a funny walk and kicks Colin back down.

"And now for something completely different." Chip steps up and says. Colin stands up and Ryan kills him again.

"Ya bastard! You killed my girlfriend!" Chip says.

"Piss off!" Ryan yells.

"Wait a minute! Didn't we already do this?" Colin asks and tries to stand up. Ryan funny walks and prepares to hit him down again when,

"Oh stop it! Cut!" Toomin comes in. 

" That just cheapens the scene." Toomin rubs his chin and thinks. He pulls another piece of paper out.

"We need to do something everyone knows. That everyone can recognize. Do it like one of those real TV shows." He walks away. 

"It's a battle to the death on an isolated ship. We're down to Ryan the polar bear Controller and psycho babe, Rachel. Who will win in this horrific blood-bath?"Chip steps up and says. Ryan and Colin circle each other. Ryan beats Colin and he falls down. 

"Looks like Ryan the polar bear Controller is the winner!" Chip says. He goes to Colin on the ground.

"How did you feel about that final round Rachel?" he asks. 

"They were all against me! It was a freakin conspiracy!" he then turns to Ryan.

"I want you to know that if you were dying on the side of the road that I wouldn't even roll my window down to spit at you!" Colin says viscously.

"Okay! Cut! We just can't do this either! They're too many reality shows out there anyway. Hmmmmmm….." Toomin slips out another piece of paper. 

"Tell you what, do itlike a high school play." he walks away. 

"Dude, you're hot!" Ryan says and Colin smiles and flirts.

"Oh! Ah….now is the time to die hunan." Ryan says in a monotone voice. 

"Human!" Chip whispers.

"What?" 

"Human!"

"Oh!" he looks back at Colin who's playing with his imaginary hair.

"Heehehehee!" Colin giggles as Ryan smiles.

"Oh! Um….I LOVE YOU!" Colin says explosively and dives at Chip. He tries to kiss him. 

"Ewwwww!" Chip shoves him away. Ryan has begun to wander off. 

"Ah………" Chip trails off and scratches his head. He pulls out an imaginary script. Colin drifts off towards Ryan. Ryan spots the camera and goes right up to it. He begins to make faces and Colin comes up behind him. He tries to get Ryan's attention as he goofs off. Chip still flips through the script. He lays his finger as if he has found the correct passage. He smooshes himself as if behind a pane of glass.

"Nooooooooooo!" he whines. Camera goes back to Ryan and Colin who are pretending to make out. 

"Controller!" Chip shouts.

"Waaaaaaa!" Ryan says distracted. Chip holds up the script and points. Ryan leaves Colin behind and takes a hard look at it. 

"Cool!" He then turns to Colin who pretends to be chewing and braidinghis hair. 

"Raaaaaaaaaa!" Ryan hurtles himself towards Colin. He does a WWF style body-slam. 

"Yeaaaaaaaah!" He gets up and pumps his hands. Chip and he exchange a high-five. The camera focuses on Colin's inanimate body. Ryan and Chip then do a chest bump. 

Bzzzzzzzzzz! The buzzer sounds and the four go back to their chairs.

"Okay it's time for a commercial but we'll be back!" Drew says and the camera pic fades out to the audience cheers.

*************************************************************

Hehehee! More on the way! Review please!!!


	4. Props! Narrate!

The music signals the return of the show

The music signals the return of the show.

"Welcome back to Whose Line is it Anyway, and we're about ready forour next game here." applause as the camera pans over four very unhappy guys.

"Okay, your next game is," Drew looks at the camera and smiles "Props! This is for all four of you. Come over here and get your props. Heheheee," he says in a lower voice "let's see them incorporate Animorphs into this game…" Colin and Ryan go and retrieve their prop, an inflatable donut hole with two prongs at the end of it. Toomin and Chip go and get theirs which is a foam noodle. 

"Okay, you guys come up with ideas for these props. We'll start out with Chip and Toomin." Chip starts walking and Toomin stands at the side with the noodle drawn back. 

"Hehehee…" Toomin snickers and let's the noodle fly, hitting Chip in the face.

Bzzzzzz! Ryan takes the object and puts his head through the ring so that the prongs stick straight up.

"Ah, nice to see you Fet." Colin says.

"Rrrrrrrr…." Ryan swings about.

Bzzzzzz! Chip takes the noodle and bends it into a circle as Toomin clasps his hands together. He brings out his wings and Chip puts the noodle above his head andhums some angelic music.

Bzzzzzz! 

"What's your sign Colin?"

"I'm a Taurus!" he says and brings out the symbol.

Bzzzzzz! Chip attaches the noodle to his behind and puts his hand out on the end of it.

"Fwapp!" he hits Toomin down.

Bzzzzzz!Ryan fits the object on his head with the prongs facing forward.

"It's the invasion of the giant ant people! It's the invasion of the giant ant people!" Colin yells and Ryan chomps on him with the prongs. 

Bzzzzzz! 

"And now an application of the advice 'talk softly and carry a big stick.'" Chip says and stands off to the side. Toomin sneaks up behind him and bashes him over the head {that's always what I see when someone mentions that phrase hehehehhee….}

Bzzzzzz! 

"The symbol of the Jake formerly known as Prince." Ryan presents the object. 

Bzzzzzz! Toomin takes to the air and Chip holds the noodle like a weapon.

"Ah! The wicked witch of the west has sent out her flying monkeys!" 

"Whooohaaaa!" Toomin cries as he tries to attack Chip and he sways the noodle around.

Bzzzzzz! 

"It's time to try out my super specs!" Colin fits the object over his eyes and Ryan ducks.

Bzzzzzz! Chip holds one end of the noodle while Toomin holds the other. They stand side by side.

"This is a noodle." Chip says and presents his end.

"This is a noodle thoroughly cooked and seasoned in an oriental sauce. " Toomin says factually and holds his end loosely. 

Bzzzzzz! Ryan makes an 'O' shape with his hand and places the object sideways so that together is says 'ooc'.

"This fic is ooc." Ryan says.

"I can tell." Says Colin.

Bzzzzzz! 

"Want some of my really giant twizzler?" Chip offers.

"Hey, if it'll make my mouth happy." Toomin says. 

Bzzzzzz! Ryan fits the prong ends on his face so that the circle stands out.

"Do you think anyone will notice my giant pimple?" he asks.

Bzzzzzz! Chip scrunches the noodle into the back of his shirt. It immediately starts unfolding.

"Hey, your morph allergy is acting up." Toomin points out.

"Aww man I can't have my hereth illint here…" Chip complains. 

Bzzzzzz! Colin puts the object on his head with the prongs sticking up.

"You're not evil are you?" Ryan asks.

"What on earth would make you say that?" Colin says with a little indignation.

Bzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz! The audience claps and cheers as the guys all go back to their chairs after dropping the props off.

"Ten points to Toomin. This is your welcoming gift to the mortal realm." Drew cocks his head and smiles.

" Three million to the rest of you…" he adds. The guys all slump in their chairs. 

"This is so humiliating! I'm being forced to do tricks for some stupid mortal who's only lived a millionth of the years that I have lived! I can just imagine what havoc Crayak and Drode are reeking on the universe without me there to stop them…" Toomin stresses.

Up in the fourth dimension……

Drode looks out on the spectacle.

"Master! You really should see this! Ellimist is a moronic mortal again!" Crayak lays downa set of three cards and observes his game of solitaire.

NOT INTERESTED…. He says and lays a black four on a red five. Drode turns around.

"But don't you see master? With him gone, there's nothing stopping us from taking control of the universe!" Drode says excitedly. Crayak scratches his chin and moves one column to another. 

NAAAAAA…….. Crayak says complacently. 

"But I really want to!" Drode whines. Crayak looks up.

YOU GET LIKE THIS ON EVERY RAINY DAY….. Crayak complains.

"Fine! I'll go do it myself!" Drode storms off. Crayak goes back to his game. Places a black seven on a red eight. He stares a while.

AWWW…..PHOOEY…. he realizes he's lost and the cards erupt in a flame. Then he pulls a cup and ball from behind him and plays with that. 

Back in the mortal realm….

"Hey, how did you become immortal if you started out as one of us?" Chip asks.

"Story for another time, here's our next game…" Toomin hushes.

"The next game is Narrate! This is for Colin and Ryan…"Drew announces. The two get up and stand center. 

"If you've never seen this game before, what Colin and Ryan will do is act out a Phil Noir scene {is that what it is?}. Where's a good place for that to take place?" he asks the audience.

"Visser Three's private chambers!"

"The barn!"

"On board the Blade Ship!" Drew grits his teeth.

"Could we do something _not Animorphs? I mean c'mon! Let's try a barber shop or a florist or a bank! Something normal!" The audience stares uncomprehending._

"You know! Normal? The stuff everyone else does and agrees on ?" Drew tries to convey. 

"They are fanfic writers, they don't understand you concept of normalcy. Normal to them is fanfiction." Toomin explains in a superior tone. Drew sighs exasperated.

"Just….what were you saying again?" he picks up his pen and card, resigning to the majority.

"How about Jake confronting Tom in the barn?" someone yells. Drew shrugs.

"Sound good to you?" he asks Colin and Ryan.

"Well guys? Is that what you want?" Ryan asks.

"Yeah!" the audience responds. 

"When you hear the music, begin." Drew says and leans back. The piano music comes on and Colin steps up.

"I had come to suspect over the last few weeks that my brother wasn't exactly my brother. That he was caught up in some alien conspiracy to take over the world. My mom told me that such a theory was outrageously stupid and that I should be scheduled with a doctor or at least stop being so jealous of him. I mean he was the star of the high school basketball team and what was I but the chosen savior of Earth? Nonetheless, I set out to spy on him. I found him in the barn that belonged to the girl that I liked." Colin steps back.

"I'd thought I find you here Tom." Ryan turns around and then steps up.

"I thought that it was sorta strange that he believed that I would be here. I mean, it was his girlfriend's barn and as the star of the basketball team and city slicker it would seem strange that I would be in a barn feeding an injured opossum. I decided to lay low and find out his intentions…" he stands down.

"So you thought I'd be here, why is that?" Ryan asks coolly. 

" I'm on to you Tom."

"What the hell does that mean?"

"Why would the star ofthe basketball team and frequent city slicker be in a barn feeding an injured opossum?"Colin asks.

"I have a soft spot for the furred kind." Ryan answers. Colin steps up.

"He'd responded so surely and so confident, I was almost convinced. But the Yeerks are a deceptive kind. It seems I would have to outsmart him and to do that I would have to play the idiot." He stands down.

"That's cool man! Hehehe…" he says. Ryan looks at him and steps up.

"His sudden change from suspecting to stupid confused me. Was he really on to me, or was hejust a moron?" Ryan steps down.

"You are a strange one midget." He says. Colin steps up.

"I wasn't exactly sure how to interpret that. He seemed to be playing the same complex game I was. I decided to hold the questions and hope he would let something slip…" He steps down.

"So whatcha feeding him there? He sure is a cute little fella…" Colin says.

"Oh, just some baby formula. He got shot in the leg." Colin steps up.

"He seemed to know what he was talking about, strange for a star of the basketball team and frequent city slicker. It made me wonder if it wasn't that he was being controlled by aliens, but if he had been getting close to the girl I liked. It was something I had to know, and I knew just the way…." Colin steps down.

" The new decorations in Cassie's bedroomsure are nice." He says.

"Yes, a welcomed change from those drab green sheets.." Ryan says.

"Aha! How would you know about the color of her sheets were if you don't hang out here?" he asks coyly. Ryan steps up.

"I had made a mistake and I knew I had to respond quickly and logically…." He stands down.

"How do _you know what the color of the sheets in her room look like? I thought she was the girl you 'just liked'". Ryan throws back.._

"All right I'll level with you. I am her boyfriend but that does not explain your knowledge of the sheets." 

"Why her father asked me if the Sharing needed them. I came here to pick them up." Ryan says.

"Is that so."

"It sure is."

"Uh-huh."

"Well carry on then."

"Fine I will." Colin says and then steps up.

"He had dismissed me and I had little information. His excuse had been valid enough although I wasn't satisfied that he was who he said he was. I decided to try a new strategy…"

"Admit it! You are an evil alien parasite helping in the conspiracy to take over Earth and make the human race your slaves! That or you're doing my girlfriend…" Colin accuses. Ryan puts the bottle down and confronts Colin.

"All right I admit." He says.

"To which one?" Colin asks.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"What do you mean what's that supposed to mean? It's a simple question! Are you an evil alien bent on world domination or are you cheating with my girlfriend?!"

"I am your brother…" Ryan says with a calm smile. Colin steps up.

"Things were getting ugly. He was playing the idiot now and while either choice was horrible in it's own way, it was worse if he were doing both. Things had gotten complicated and I was running out of ideas. Then it stuck. me. A simple plan but a plan nonetheless…"

"Look over there!" Colin shouts and points. Ryan looks and Colin mimes morphing and kills Ryan. Colin steps up.

"He always was the favorite anyway…" 

Bzzzzzzz! The audience cheers and hoots. Colin and Ryan go back to their seats as there is applause. 

"All right. Two thousand points for Ryan and One thousand, nine-hundred and ninety-nine for Colin…."Drew says. Colin narrows his eyes and brings out his arm which has gone scaly and sprouted blades. Drew interprets the threat.

"Two thousand points for both of you.." he says his eyes darting. He takes a sip from his coffee mug. He frowns and rolls his tongue around.

"What is this? Carrot juice? Someone want to bring me coffee?"

"It's kiwi-strawberry!" a voice off-stage shouts.

"Anyway, time for a commercial. We'll see ya when we return on Whose Line is it Anyway?" Drew says to the camera. and the audience applauds.

*************************************************************

Thanks for reading. Review and if you have any game prefs, tell me!


	5. Party Quirks Weird Newscasters!

"All right, welcome to Whose Line is it Anyway where the stuff's made up and the points don't matter

Thanks again to Hazel for letting me use you and your characters Elia and Seth as well as your band Helium 19.

"All right, welcome to Whose Line is it Anyway where the stuff's made up and the points don't matter."

"Yeah like friendship to you…" Ryan mutters. 

"Anyway, it's time for our next game. Are you all ready?" they all nod.

"It's time for Party Quirks! This is for all four of you. Chip will be the host of a party and the rest of you will come in with your own, quirky identity that's written on the cards. When you're ready, begin."Chip begins setting things up.

"Oh I do hope I bought enough dip."

"Ding-dong!" Colin rings the doorbell.

"Ah! The first guest is here." Chip goes and opens up the door.

"Well hel---"

"What are you doing blocking the doorway? Get out!!!" he shoves Chip aside and goes to the table. The word 'Helmacron' displays on the screen.

"You call this dip?!!! How dare you insult me like that you insignificant human! I will have you tortured and enslaved for that!!! BOW DOWN BEFORE ME!!!!" Colin booms. 

"Oh…ah…I think I hear the next guest arriving…" Chip draws away meekly. 

"Ding-dong!" Toomin rings.

"Hello! Won't you come in?" 

"No, I'd rather sit out on your porch for all hours. Ours. Ow." He says. The phrase 'Ax trying to be swanky' appear.

"Huh?"

"Whoosh! Hahaa, you think any slower kid an there'll be moss growin on you! Haahaha!" Toomin pats Chip heartily on the back. 

"Hey great digs, great digs you got here! Digs-uh. Uh." Toomin saunters around.

"Uh…thanks…" Chip says and follows Toomin.

"Who's the babe? Abe? Buh, buh." Toomin says and picks up a frame.

"That's my sister!" 

"She's got nothin' goin' on…" he says and throws the frame down.

"Hey! Wow!" Toomin says as he spots Colin.

"You puny mortal! BOW DOWN BEFORE MY OUTRAGEOUS MIGHT!"

"Wo-ho-oo. Man, I never forget a face but for you I'll make an exception…" says Toomin. 

"Ding-dong!" Ryan chirps. 

"Yeah you two get better aquatinted…" Chip says and goes to the door.

"Hia! Welcome to the party!" Chip greets Ryan.

"Hello Chip!" Ryan takes his hand and shakes it.

"Well come in now." Chip leads him in. The phrase 'Chee on the verge of malfunctioning' appear.

"Oh why thank you Chip, and is this Spot?" He bends down and begins patting an imaginary dog.

"Uh yeah!" Chip nods.

"Awwww….such a good boy!" He scratches the imaginary dog's ears.

"Just make yourself at home…" Chip invites.

"I think I will!" Ryan continues to be strangely cheerful.

"Is this a party or just a ruse to get us rubes in here? Use! Ruse. Ub-b-b-b…" Toomin taps an imaginary cigar. Ryan goes to the table and begins helping himself to some food.

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!!!" Colin explodes.

"I was just getting some food for Spot. He is hungry…" Ryan explains happily.

"THIS IS MY TABLE! MY HOUSE! MY PLANET!!"

"Actually this is my table and my house…" Chip interjects.

"NOT ANYMORE!! BOW DOWN BEFORE ME YOU UNWORTHY DOGS! I RUN THINGS AROUND HERE!!!" Colin yells and gets really red in the face.

"Well I think we are all equal and there's plenty of everything so that we can all be HAPPY AND PEACEFUL!!" Ryan raises his voice and looks really intense. 

"Oh my, excuse me there…" he shakes his head and smiles 

" Hey, some freak show you got running around here. When's the bearded lady coming? Ing! Ing-uh-uh!" Toomin says.

"I WANT ALL OF YOU TO SUBMIT TO MY AWESOME STRENGTH!! BOW DOWN YOU PUNGENT PILES OF PUKE!!" Colin bellows.

"Oh, now I think you are just being A LITTLE TOO OVERBEARING!!!" Ryan starts out nice and then shouts.

"Oh I do apologize, I think it's that new oil I had today…" Ryan looks to Chip.

"THAT'S IT! ALL OF YOU OUT! OUT! OUT!" Colin begins shoving everyone towards the door.

"I've heard of pushy people but this is a little ridiculous! Ous! Ic-u-lous!" Toomin stutters. 

"WHAT IS THIS? A DOG? GET OUT OF MY WAY YOU MANGY MUTT!" Colin punts something on the ground. Ryan shoves Chip and Toomin out of the way and bears down on Colin.

"I've tried to be a polite guest but you have just been too much! THAT WAS THE LAST STRAW!! SO YOU CAN LEAVE OR KISS MY FINE METAL ASS!!" Ryan roars.

Bzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz! The audience applauds and cheers loudly. 

"Okay Chip can you guess who they are?" 

"WasColin Visser Three?" he guesses.

"Noooo, not quite…" 

"I'm pretty sure Ryan was a Chee android…who was malfunctioning?" he ventures.

"Yes! A Chee android on the verge of malfunctioning." Ryan goes and sits down.

"Was Colin a sub-visser of sorts then?" Chip guesses again.

"No, not a yeerk. Another alien." Drew hints. Chip stands there and tries to think. 

"Do you want…"

"No I'll get it." Chip says and rubs his chin. Colin gets down on his knees and tries to be small.

"What? Oh-oh! He's a, whatchmacallit? Helmacron!" there is applause as Colin gets up and goes to his chair.

"And now for Toomin…" Drew says. Chip looks at him.

"Ah! I have it now! He's an Andalite imitating some 20s movie?"

"Ax trying to be swanky." Drew reads.

"Okay then."Chip says. He and Toomin go back to their chairs as the audience cheers.

Meanwhile in the lobby…..

"Well MTV these days has gotten too off track. What happened to the days where it would show music videos for hours on end? Now you have to be up at like 2 to see the good stuff."Brad says.

"Yeah it's all that stupid boy band, girlie, girlie stuff these days. No talent at all…" Wayne shakes his head.

"Or they're some bad-ass rapper of sorts." Greg adds.

"Not true! Have you heard Linkin Park? That stuff's pretty original. They actually play the instruments and the material is great." Hazel says.

"Well, they aren't the regular but their material is a bit repetitive." Brad disagrees.

"What! They have several themes! Fear of self, that there's something in you that's evil. Distance and failure as well as triumph and resolution! Not to mention Joe Hahn rocks the turntables…" Hazel says. 

"Well yeah I guess he does…" Brad nods.

"And that singer of theirs, Chester…." Hazel sighs.

"So are we doing anything or is it just going to be them this entire episode?" Wayne asks.

"I dunno." Hazel snaps out of her day-dream and shrugs. 

"Wow, cool!" Seth exclaims.

"What?" They ask.

"That guy's got a sword! Look! Right next to the red head…" Seth points out.

"Hey neat." Brad says as they look at four teens, three guys, and one girl.

"Hey dude, someone's looking at the sword again…" the blonde guy whispers to the sword guy. He turns around.

"Ya like it?" David shows his sword.

"Wher'd ya get it exactly?" Brad asks.

"Parallel world." Christopher says.

"Ooooookaaaaaaay……" Greg trails. 

"So what are you doing in the ABC lobby?" Hazel asks.

"Oh, we're trying to turn Everworld into a miniseries. We came here to pitch our script." April explains.

"Neat." Hazel nods. Lenalaye walks in.

"Wow! Is that Everworld?" she asks.

"The one and only." Christopher says.

"Hey! I'd like you to meet my muse then, Odrin." Odrin steps out from behind her.

"Is that a fairy? Where'd you get him?" Jalil asks.

"Ah well, Odrin here did some stuff in the fantasy realm and they kicked him out. They were showing him on Wednesday's Muse and I just couldn't resist the little guy!" She pats Odrin on the head affectionately. 

"What channel? The Freak Shopping Network?" Christopher laughs. Odrin drops his smile and brings his wand about.

"Uh-oh…" Wayne comments. 

"What's he doing?!" April cries out in alarm.

ZAP! Odrin shoots a stream of magic and hits Christopher. 

POOF! There is a cloud of smoke.

"Ack!" Greg and the others cough. 

"Christopher?! Hey man where are you?!" David cries out and parts the smoke.

"I'm here man! Can't you see me?" Christopher's voice rings from the fog. Elia goes and turns on a fan. The remnants of the cloud are blown away and they gasp.

"What?! Dude what happened to me?!" Christopher cries.

"Uh…Odrin turned you into a rat." Hazel says.

"It's not a rat. It's a meercat. Little rodents that live in Africa." Jalil explains.

"Oh! He's that thing Timon was in _The Lion King." April realizes._

"Ahhhhhh!" Christopher shrieks as he looks down at himself. He turns to Odrin.

"You bastard!" he shakes a paw. Odrin beats his wings furiously and raises his wand again.

"Uh-oh." Christopher takes off and Odrin zips after him.

"I wouldn't worry. Odrin normally tires out after six hours." Lenalaye says. 

" Six hours?! We have to help him!" April stresses.

"You guys stay here while we go reign Odrin in." Hazel says to Elia and Seth. Wayne, Brad and Greg sigh collectively.

"Well I shouldn't be complaining, considering my head is still intact…" Greg says.

"Is that Helium 19 down that corridor I see?" a new voice whispers.

"Helium 19! No way!" Seth yells. 

"Helium 19?" Brad says curiously.

"We should go check it out!" Elia suggests.

"Wait! What about the prisoners?" Seth says. 

"C'mon! Helium 19!" Elia presses. Seth shrugs and they both bolt. Greg twiddles his thumbs and Wayne and Brad shake their heads.

"Psssst!" someone whispers.

"What the…" Wayne swings his head around.

"Psssssst! Over here!" the voice continues. They get up and go to behind the vending machines. A girl pops out.

"Man, you guys really are everywhere…" Brad remarks.

"Keep quiet. I'm here to help you." she says and puts a finger to her lips.

"Help us? You mean escape?" Greg asks.

"More than that, just follow me." she sneaks off and the three shrug and follow.

Back on the set….

Toomin takes a sip of water and the others stand by for the next game. 

"Okay and now for Weird Newscasters! This is for all four of you…" The four guys get up and Ryan and Colin get some chairs. 

"Okay this game has Toomin as a news anchor with Colin as his co-anchor. Colin, you will be a human controller that has just eaten a big bowl of ginger oatmeal." Colin frowns and sits in his chair.

"And Chip, who will be taking Wayne's place for sports, will be Peeves from Harry Potter?" Drew stares at the card then at the front row.

"Len was getting tired of doing all Animorphs so I guess she threw some Harry Potter in." Danel explains.

"Makes it funny! Who here doesn't like HP?" Momo Claus asks.

"NOBODY!!" the audience replies.

"Okay, whatever," Drew then lowers his voice. "Freaks." He then looks to Ryan.

"Ryan, as the weatherman you will be Senna casting a spell on everyone so that they may serve you." Ryan just stares as the audience laughs. 

"When you hear the music, begin." Drew instructs. Then the music comes on and the camera zooms in on Toomin and Colin.

"Hello and welcome to the five-thirty news I am Jaque Strap." He pauses as the audience laughs.

"Tonight's headline story focuses on the finding of the missing Blade Ship belonging to the former Visser Three. It was discovered when famed wizard Harry Potter crashed into it's cloaking device while practicing for Quidditch. Police have questioned the pilot of the ship and suspect that he might have had a little too much alchy-hol . What it was doing in Britain is still subject to question." He turns to Colin.

"And to check out on our secondary story is Colin. Colin, how is the war faring in Everworld?" Colin twitches.

"Well, you see Jaque it's---" Colin cocks his head violently.

"Bah, bah….." he stutters and gets a shocked look on his face.He shakes his head and regains composure.

"What I meant to say was that Loki's new alliance with---arghh!" Colin's hand flies up and hits him in the face. He gets up.

" I am so stoned…." He laughs at Toomin and spontaneously flips onto the ground. He gets up and dusts himself.

"You see, with the gods n' stuff and they're all like fighting---" Colin puts out his hands as if to convey what he's saying. Then he twists and contorts.

"Get, him outta me! Get out! Get out!" Colin claws at his head. Then he relaxes and laughs.

"Dude! There's like! Dude! And these colors n' stuff." Colin's face twists and warps. He staggers.

"WOW!" Colin says very loudly and smooshs his face. Then he blinks a couple of times.

" I mean dude!" he goes to the audience. 

"Look, I just need a little oatmeal if you all would be so kind…" he opens up his hands. Then he trips backward.

"Get out! GET OUT!" Colin jumps up and down hysterically. He then rubs his face.

"Oh man, I really could use a bowl of oatmeal. Oh Quaker Man where are you?!!" Colin weeps as he sinks to his knees. He rolls up into a ball on the ground. Toomin blinks.

"Thank you Colin." Colin staggers back.

"It's just a problem! It's taken a hold of me!" He falls on his knees and cries into Toomin's legs. 

"Okay, throwing it over to Chip for sports! How's that home team doin'?" the camera swings over to Chip. Chip is bent over, a surreal grin on his face. His hands are constantly rubbing and conniving. He speaks in a depraved, high-pitched voice. 

"HEHEHHEEEE! Well unfortunately for Griffyndor, Harry Potter will be out for this season of Quidditch. HEHEHEEE! It seems that he ran smack into _a hidden ship! AHAHAHAAA!" Chip throws his head back and laughs madly. He then runs over to a crying Colin. He snatches the chair that Colin clings to and throws it, laughing. _

"Oh man, QUAKER MAN!" Colin cries out from the ground with a longing hand. Chip then goes up into his face and makes faces.

"AH! AH!" Colin screams fearfully and tries to shield himself. Chip then goes to Toomin.

"Want a Hertz donut?" he asks.

"Well, I…" Chip punches him.

"Hurts Don't it?! AHAHAHAAAA!" he giggles, then wets his finger and wriggles it into Toomin's ear. He laughs some more and goes to the set-up of chairs in the back. He rearranges them and then hauls one over to Drew's desk.He plops down and puts on a derisive face.

"Look at me! I'm Drew Carey! I'm a nerd with two shows and a best-selling book. I think I'm so cool with my crew cut even though I'm not in the army anymore. I made a movie about Geppetto being the big rip-off that I am!" He says in a mocking tone. He imitates Drew exaggerating his chubbiness.

"Bzzzzzz!" he pretends to look cool while hitting the buzzer. He does another hyperbolic Drew face as he winks and takes a drink from his mug. He then smashes it, over turns the chair, blows a raspberry at Drew and finally returns to the set, the audience howling with approval. Toomin stares at him. 

"Well now---"

"AH!AH!" Colin still screams. He crawls to Toomin and holds onto him while looking around, paranoid.

"Are they gone?"Toomin kicks him away.

"Now let's check out the weather with Ryan! Ryan what's in store for this weekend?" The camera goes to Ryan whose eyes are half-lidded.

"Well, Jaques. It seems things are going to get hot. Very hot indeed." He says in a drawn out, seductive tone. He turns slowly to the imaginary map.

"You see the cold front here just moved out." he waves his pointing finger.

"Moving out….." it moves off the map and is joined by a second hand and they weave the air. Colin begins to sway back and forth. 

"And with Merlin and some armies moving in I could use a few….aids…." he says as he swaggers up to Toomin and Colin. Their mouths drop open and Toomin begins to get up off of his chair.

"It'll be cloudy days if Merlin wins." He goes up to Toomin and gets close.

"But you, you can be my sunshine. My ray of hope…" he traces Toomin's face as he trembles. Ryan then turns to Colin. Toomin turns to the audience and bites his hand, pointing enthusiastically at Ryan. Colin shakes uncontrollably as Ryan gets close. He tries to crawl away but can't seem to coordinate himself. Ryan steps carefully, alluring look in his eye.

"DUDE! NO!!!! AH! AH! AH! But you're so hot…" Colin interrupts his own hysterics. Toomin drools over Ryan while Chip comes and mocks him. Ryan then holds Colin and they near, near, near,

Toomin upon seeing this comes and shoves Colin out of the way. Then he and Ryan kiss passionately as the audience members hoot and cheer.

"That is the five-thirty news, goodnight." He says in a cracked voice. 

Bzzzzzzzzzzzz! The four return to their seats although Toomin has trouble considering he's laughing so hard.

"We'll be right back from the commercial on Whose Line is it Anyway? Don't go away…" Drew frames the card with his hands. Wayne, Greg and Brad stand in the wings with the fanfic author. 

"Okay, now!" the fanfic author whispers. Greg, Wayne and Brad walk out.

"Hey! What's with you guys hogging the show?" Wayne asks the four.

"Yeah! We want to have some of the fun too!" Greg joins. Colin cocks an eyebrow. Brad goes low and whispers the message. Chip passes it to Colin who passes it to Ryan. Brad then walks up to Drew.

"Drew, how about Greg, Wayne and I take over for Colin, Ryan and Chip?" he proposes. Drew looks suspicious.

"You guys actually want to do this? As in willfully?" Brad props an elbow on the desk.

"Yeah! We _really do Drew." He winks. Drew presses his lip into a line and taps the card. He turns to the cast._

"We need bathroom breaks!" Chip shouts.

"But I just gave you one five minutes ago!" 

"Uh…I have that thing…overactive bladder. Yeah…" he says and begins to get up.

"Our improv muscles need rest." Colin also excuses himself.

"I have to make a phone call and wash my mouth…" Ryan gets up. Toomin narrows his eyes.

"I have to go refresh my mortal system. These bodies need upkeep you know…" Toomin starts to get up.

"You stay Toomin. We need four players!" Drew calls.

"You're not the boss of me!" Toomin rages. Greg grabs him and throws him back down into the chair where he slumps and stews in anger. 

Wayne, Brad and Greg take their seats and wait for the show to return. 

Backstage….

Ryan, Colin and Chip follow the fanfic author. 

"Where are we going? Who are you?" Colin asks.

"Shhhhhh!" she says and opens the door to a room. They all file inside.

"So you're here to help us?" Chip asks. The fanfic author takes a seat. After a pause, she speaks.

"I'm not going to just help you. I'm going to tell you how to defeat Lenalaye and never be the victim of a fanfic author again."

"Ever?" Colin says in disbelief.

"Ever." She affirms. 

*************************************************************

Ooooooo! Mysterious isn't it? Who is this fanfic author? How will they defeat Lenalaye? What game will Greg and Wayne and Brad play? You tell me! By the way, if you were confused about the Quaker Man I was talking about some oatmeal brand with a Quaker guy on the front of it. 


	6. Superheros Theme Restaurant!

The camera pans over the new cast and Drew takes a sip of his coffee

Muchos thanks to Akisis for letting me use you in my fic ( geez I know a lotta fanfic authors don't I?)

And to Momo Claus: LIFEHOUSE WILL BE APPEARING IN THE NINTH CHAPTER!!!

Thank you.

The camera pans over the new cast and Drew takes a sip of his coffee.

"And we're back to Whose Line is it Anyway where everything's made up and the points don't matter. As you can see we have a new panel." The audience claps and they wave.

"And last time I saw Ryan, Colin and Chip they were sneaking out theconveniently dark wings…"A few whistles and hoots erupt form the audience. 

"That tells you something about where we get these guys. Anyway, onto our next game which is Super-Heroes! This is for all four of you…" the guys get up Greg stands center while the others stand in the wings.

"Okay if you've never seen this game, Greg will be a wacky super-hero who has to save the world from some crisis. Each of the guys will come in and the person before them has to screw them up by giving them some insane super-hero identity. What's a name for this particularsuper-hero?" Drew turns to the audience.

"Super Server Man!" 

"Tofu Tyrant!"

"The Review Dog!"

"Deado Rachel!" Drew considers these. 

"I think we'll go with The Review Dog because it's kinda strange. And what problem is there in the world?"

"Spamming!" Someone shouts. (thanx SuperHurricane)

"Okay, Review Dog! There's Spamming all over the net! What are you going to do?!" Greg starts sniffing around.

"Are you reviewing twice? Ehhehee! ACESS DENIED!" (!@%!^@ review dog…..). He growls and paces towards the left. His nose crinkles in revulsion.

"What's that? If I didn't know better I'd say that's the foul stench of spamming! And it seems to abound! Looks like I'll have to call upon my super hero friends." He leans back.

"AROOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" he lets loose a howl. Suddenly, Toomin bounds in.

"I got here as quick as I could!"

"Oh thank God! It's the Anti-Ghost Writer kid!" Toomin stands up straight.

"That's right!" He mimics pulling a hood down over his face. He pulls out an imaginary gun and cocks it. 

"Now, off to KAA's house!" he hunches over and begins to sneak around the set. He comes back the other way around with an imaginary device out.

"Beep, beep, beep….." he chirps. He comes over the audience and starts looking.

"Beep, beepbeepbeepbeep!" He settles on a women with shoulder-length dark hair.

"AHA! An impostor! You think you're the real deal don't you? Well you're not fooling me!" He cocks his gun and shoots her. Then goes about searching for more KAA look alikes.

"I rushed right over as soon as I heard!" Brad runs in. Toomin looks up from his massacre. 

"Well whadaya know! It's Slash Fic Guy!" an eruption of laughter. Brad starts to look goofy. 

"Oh yes! You two would be great together!" He yanks Toomin and Greg together.

"Yeah…." He then goes into the audience and searches. He pulls Taylor and Tobias out.

"Oh! That look so unbelievably far out….." but then he shakes his head. He goes looking into the audience and finds Senna. Dragging her along she pulls out Edriss.

"Ah, two evil, devious minds. It's a love hate, you'll-all-be-dead-at- any-rate kinda thing! Not to mention lesbian!" he laughs and then dismisses them. He goes on and pulls out Jade. She then searches around as the chocobo screeches. He then selects a Hork-Bajir.

"Hmmmm….not really that wrong.Well there must be somebody….a couple that would be so appallingly abominable and gay…." Brad taps his chin and scans the audience. He then spots Drew.

"Oh! Oh! OH! IDEA!" He yanks Ax over who stumbles in his human form. He sets him right by Drew and rejoices.

"Oh! The gayness! The utter awkwardness ! It's so beauty and the beast!" Toomin comes up andaims the gun at Brad.

"KAA would never make people be gay!Tobias would never date Taylor, Senna isn't even from the right series and Ax isn't that stupid or drunk enough to date Drew Carey YOU STINKIN' GHOST WRITERS!!!" He riddles Brad with bullets. Wayne leaps onto the scene. 

"Did I get here in time?" he asks.

"Oh look! It'sSir Server Breaks a Lot!" Brad says in a strained voice. Wayne begins twisting his steps and beeping haphazardly. He does a jerky robot-like dance. He then flips and tumbles again. He scuttles over to Greg, his face contorting and his head rolling.

"You n-n-need to! TO! Stop doing it. Follow goddman policy rules for once! If you're gonna upload a damn fic do it in w-w-w-one category! You're the source of the problem! And if the others keep doing it, just sm-m-m-mash the server at fanfiction.net." he then hops on one foot and cartwheels out. Brad staggers in.

"Uh, I have stuff to write….." he then looks back into the audience.

"You know, maybe Harry Potter with Visser Three huh? Eh?" he then collapses off stage. Toomin flies in and crouches low.

"I sense someone at KAA's computer." His eyes shift rapidly and he jumps off-stage. Greg stands center with his hands on his hips.

"Well, it looks like another crisis averted! AROOOOOOOO!" he howls.

BZZZZZZZZZ! Greg and the others go back to their seats. He takes a long sip from his glass. 

"Okay a billion points to Greg for wrecking his voice. And a point to each person who had to envision Brad's gay fantasies." Brad laughs and covers his head.

"Not any worse than what you do on your own show." He laughs. The audience takes that with a few laughs and an 'oooooooo'. 

"At least I have a show. Come back to me when there's a Brad Sherwood Show." The audience members laugh and clap. Drew shakes his head vigorously a lifts up another card.

"Okay and your next game is…."

Meanwhile Backstage…

"Why do you want to help us?" Ryan asks. 

"Are you powerful?" Colin asks as well. The fanfic author takes a seat and motions them to do the same.

"This might be shocking." She turns to Ryan. " To you especially." Ryan frowns.

"Let me introduce myself. I am Akisis. I know Lenalaye and she isn't just doing this for fun alone. She has a serious purpose." Akisis pauses and lets the words sink in.

"You see in fanficdom, when one has written a certain number of fics and gained a certain amount of notability, they achieve the power and rank of Great One."

"Great One?" Colin echoes.

"Yes. It happens around fifty or so, and this will be her crowning fic. She will be unstoppable at your level." Ryan bows his head and Chip sighs.

"So she's about to become so powerful, she can use us whenever we want?" Chip asks. 

"Yes, and more will want her to. You need to cap her now or you willnever lead normal lives again…" she drifts.

"What do we do?" Ryan asks.

"Is there anything we _can do?" Colin says. Akisis stays quiet for a moment and then begins again._

"A fanfic author can only be overcome by an equal. Someone with the same amount of fics and ability. Another Great One I suppose."

"So we get another Great One and convince him to rival her." Colin reasons. 

"It's not that simple. Some of them she's acquaintances with. They're also powerful, I have no such authority. Most don't and most don't care to. But it doesn't matter because I've already found one." They all breath a sigh of relief except Ryan who's waiting for where he comes in.

"Who?" he asks. Akisis inhales and sighs deeply.

"Ryan…." She leaves them in mystery. They all turn to him, bewildered.

"You're a fanfic author and you never told us?!" Colinyells.

"I….I…" Ryan stammers.

"Ryan is part fanfic writer, yes. He was never meant to know though…" she reclaims their attention.

"Are you going to tell a long story about Ryan's parents and how one of them gave up fanfic to be human and how he has to take up where they left off and save the day?" Chip asks.

"Yeah I guess. Maybe only a paragraph or two. Your mother, Ryan was a fanfic author. Her name was Trillian, after the character in the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy stories."

"Awesome books." Chip nods.

"Anyway, she was very well respected and wrote some _seventy-five fics. She eventually grew out of it, I guess. Then she met your father and well, ya know. But she never erased her account. You might be able to access it, and with it the same power she had. Which is more than enough to take Lenalaye down." Ryan tries to grip what she's saying. _

"You lie, if I were a fanfic author then all the weird stuff I write at home would come true!"

"Not so Ryan. Remember last time when you were able to sense Lenalaye? You alone were able to overcome her meddling and discover her hideout. The reason the stuff you write in your free time has no effect on the world is because your power lies dormant. It will awaken once you log in. It all depends on you…." Ryan nods very slowly and considers this. 

"You're our only hope man…." Chip says.

"Think about it Ryan! Revenge on that little punk!" Colin also encourages. Ryan sits in thought and after a while he replies,

"What do I have to do?" Akisis smiles.

Onstage…..

"…… 'Theme Restaurant' and this is for all four of you…" The audience cheers and Greg, Wayne, Brad and Toomin get up. 

" Wayne and Greg will be two high powered executives out to lunch in a restaurant with a theme. The theme is aYeerk Pool.Toomin and Brad will be the waiters. When you're ready begin." Wayne and Greg sit in the chairs facing a checker topped table.

"All right my boss says the least I can give it to you for is twelve hundred." Wayne starts out. 

"You drive a hard bargain there Wayne, but I might ask that you slip in a few bonds in as well." Greg says. 

"Met-Life?"

"Or of the same quality."

"Sounds good Greg. We'll close the deal after lunch. Say, where are those waiters anyway?" 

"Garcin?" Greg calls. 

"AHHH, AHHH, AHHH!" Brad is dragged by Toomin kicking and screaming. Toomin yanks out a pitcher and pours them drinks. 

"NOOOOOOO!" Brad yells as Toomin pulls him away, clinging desperately to the table cloth. Greg blinks. 

"Uh….yeah….anyway, about those bonds…" he starts. 

"Yeaaaaaaaaaaahhhhaaaaa!" Brad tears by flailing his hands. Toomin runs after him and bashes him over the head with a tray. He then sets it down on the table. 

"Escargo?" Wayne picks up a hors d'oeuvre. Toomin walks by. 

" What! Are you doing here?" he says with a patient anger.

"Uh, we're having lunch…" Wayne says confused.

"Lunch?! When the bandits are attacking?! What is your name and number?" he persecutes further.

" I'm not giving you my number!" Wayne says disgusted.

"You insolent subordinate!" Toomin hits him over the head and Wayne falls. 

"AND YOU!" he turns to Greg.

"I-I—I- just want a f-f-frappacino!" he shields himself from Toomin. 

"BAH! You yuppie humans! Voluntary controllers…hmph!" he storms off. Brad swaggers in with a stiff lip.

"Frappacino." He says in a guttural voice and sets an imaginary cup down. 

"Uh…thank you…" Greg says a little unnerved. 

"Milk?" he asks.

"No, thank you."

"Sugar?" Brad asks. 

"Two lumps please." Brad beats him over the head twice (drum beat).

"Gwafawawaaaa!" he laughs and walks off. 

"Your order!" Toomin comes to their table and salutes. 

"Um…yeah…." Wayne picks up a menu. 

"I think I'll have the chicken cour-don bleu." Wayne says.

"We're invading America! Not France!" Toomin throws up his hands in frustration. 

"I'll have a spaghetti platter." Greg says. 

"We're not invading Italy either!" Toomin rolls his eyes.

"Fine! A hamburger, well done." Wayne orders. 

"I'll have a philly cheese steak." Greg sighs. Toomin takes these down. Then Brad creeps in.

"Grrrrrrrr…" Toomin looks up.

"AH! BANDIT!" He pulls out a dracon weapon and Brad tackles him. 

" BZZZZ!" Toomin gets up from the tussle. 

"Your hamburger." He places in front of Wayne. Wayne lifts the bun up and stares. Brad comes in again this time swinging his arms like a gorilla. 

"AH!" Toomin gets beaten up. Brad swings by. 

"Your philly cheese steak." He sets in front of Greg.

"It's blue!" he exclaims. Toomin slithers in.

"Sssssssrrrrrssssssssss!" He snatches both meals and then goes after Wayne.

"AHHH!" Wayne rolls off the set after being 'eaten' by Toomin who then goes away. Greg is left dumbfounded. He is breathing hard and Brad walks in.

"Are you all right?" he puts a hand on his shoulder.

"Ah…yeah…it's just that I haven't fed today." Greg says and pats his stomach.

"Well we'll get you to the pool right away!" Brad begins to hoist him away. 

"No! Wait! I didn't mean that!" he drags Greg and pretends to thrust him underwater. 

BZZZZZZZZZZZ! The audience claps madly and whistles as the four go back to their seats. 

Backstage….

"Follow me." They follow Akisis to a computer lab, very small. She motions Ryan to sit at the computer chair.

"So what?" he asks helpless.

"First, click on the Internet and sign yourself on." Ryan does so.

"Okay, what's second?"

"Type fanfiction.net. When you get there, click on login." Ryan and the others wait for the page to load. His hand shaking on the mouse, he clicks on login and another screen appears.

"Wait a minute! He doesn't have her password! He can't get in!" Colin exclaims. Akisis presses her lips into a line.

"I was hoping you could help me there Ryan. Was there any word in particular that your mother said to you? Something significant?" Ryan taps his fingers and ponders a little. A blush spreads over his face.

"I, think I know…" he turns even redder and laughs some more.

"Eh what is it?" Chip asks with a hint of amusement.

"That's none of your business." Ryan snaps and hunches his shoulders as he types it in. The others try to bend over and see what he writes. 

"It's pooky!" Chip says and giggles.

"No! It's poopy or something like that." Colin says. 

"Just shut up!" Ryan yells as the page loads. They all hold their breaths.

"Yes!" Akisis cheers. Ryan gapes in wonder at all the fics his mother did. Reading her profile, finding out all the things she liked back then. He smiles.

"So, now he has _the power?" Chip asks. _

"Yeah, I think so. Try it out Ryan." Ryan opens up Microsoft Word and types something down. He gets up to look out the window. Suddenly, Drew's hair becomes an afro.

"Heheheeee!" They all snicker and giggle. Drew frowns and pats his hair.An eruption of giggles from the audience is heard slightly muffled. Ryan gets a sneaky look on his face and begins to type more.

"Hold up there!" she closes the computer.

"But I was just getting into it!" Ryan complains.

"Time is of the essence. You still have a few things to do to claim all the power." Akisis explains. 

"Like what?" he asks. Akisis goes to the window and points.

"See that girl over there? With the wolf and two demons?Do you know what those are?" They look out the window. 

" Figments of my imagination?" Colin says.

"That there is an example of amuse." Says Akisis.

"A muse?" Colin asks.

"Yes, they're sorta like daemons. Have any of you here read the His Dark Materials trilogy?" 

"Uhhhh…." They trail off and look at each other. Akisis sighs.

"Well, a writer always finds him or herself a muse. Muses help concentrate their power and talent. They give ideas and aid in situations like writer's block. They are very closely connected. The more fics done, the closer they are. A writer's best friend in sum." 

"So I need to find a muse? How in the---"

"YAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!! HELP ME!!" A meercat zooms by. He darts around then jumps up on the desk. He grips the collar on Ryan's shirt.

"Dude man you gotta help me! Just hide me I swear I'll pay ya back!" the meercat says. Odrin looks around the corner, his wand held high. 

"Ooooooo Chriiiiiiiitooooopherrrrrr……" Odrin taunts.

"AH!" the meercat disappears inside Ryan's shirt. 

"Get down!" Akisis instructs. They all do as Odrin creeps by.He taps his shoe with his wand impatiently and zips off. 

"Phew! Thanks man." The meercat climbs out of Ryan's shirt. 

"Yipes!" Akisis yanks him up by his tail. 

"Here we are!" she presents the meercat to Ryan.

"That's a talking rat!" Colin points out.

"Meercat you dumbass!" the meercat swings his fists in midair. 

"You see Ryan, this creature has been touched by muse magic. I think it just might work." The meercat struggles and squirms, yelling curses.

"What's your name?" Akisis brings the meercat up to her face.

"Christopher. I _was human. Than that son-of-a-bitch fairy turned me into a meercat! Now will you let me go?!" he says. _

"I'll turn you back into a human but first you have to do something for me." Akisis proposes. Christopher dangles by his tail.

"Like what?" Akisis places Christopher on Ryan's shoulder.

"Be this guy's muse." Ryan and Christopher stare at each other for a while.

"Dude you need to get better shoes. We're not in the twenties anymore. I mean c'mon!" Christopher comments.

"This looks like a happy relationship." Colin says dryly. 

"I think they'll get along juuuuuuuust fiiiine." Akisis smiles.__

Onstage….

"Um…we'll return as soon as I find a barber. Don't go away…." Drew narrows his eyes and pats his abnormal afro. Laura Hall begins tapping the keys and the camera pans over the four guys who are laughing and red in the face. 

*************************************************************

Wowie! Lenalaye had better watch out for Ryan. Where is she anyway? Why has she barely appeared in her very own fic? Will Toomin ever get a break? How will Christopher and Ryan get along? All this and more when we return to Whose Line is it Anyway?: The Invasion Continues….

**Give ME GAME PREFs!**

PS: I am too lazy to check and see if there actually _is a Trillain on fanfiction.net, just know that if there really is one, the one in this story was not based on them in any way and was made up by me as some meager tribute to the late great Douglas Adams. ( I haven't even read all the books. He died after I finished ' The Restaurant at the End of the Universe'.) *sniffle* oh well. _


	7. Hey Down There Changing Emotions!

In the ABC lobby…

Thanks again to Akisisfor letting me use you in the story.

Sorry if the quality of the games was lacking, kinda got stuck in a rut.

In the ABC lobby….

David, Jalil and April come back to where they started, breathless.

"Damn! Oh well, I'm sure he'll be fine. He's Christopher after all…" David says and sits down. April and Jalil also take a break. They look at the empty couch.

"I guess those guys are gone." Jalil says and motions towards the couch. Suddenly,

POOF!

"ACK!" they all cough and hack at the irritating magic cloud. 

"Odrin?" April asks.

"Do I look like a fairy to you?!" the voice rings out angrily through the fog. 

"Where the hell is that fan?" David stumbles around and tries to find it. 

"Who are you?" Jalil coughs and asks. 

"Who am I? _Who am __I? Let's guess…." The voice invites._

"Uh….Loki?" David goes first.

"No."  
"Kathy Greenwood?" April goes next.

"What?" the voice says, confused.

"You know? Kathy Greenwood? She's sometimes on this show…." April explains.

"Oh! Are you Etain?" David guesses.

"NO!" the voice says more agitated.

"Oooooh! Gwyneth Paltrow!" Jalil realizes. 

"Why does someone always think I'm one of those bimbos from _Friends?" The voice asks._

"Here we go!" David finds the switch and the cloud departs, revealing Drode.

"Bow down before me! You imbeciles!" he commands.

"Why?" Jalil asks.

"Because I am the ruler of the universe!"

"You don't sound so grand…where's the capital letters?" April crosses her arms.

"It doesn't matter that I don't have any capital letters!" he says.

"Sorta does…I mean, when you have capitals, you sound so all-mighty and stuff. You could especially use it." David says.

"What?!"

"Yeah, I mean, you're so scrawny and look so conniving, none of the charisma thing goin' on." Jalil adds.

"I don't care! I'm the ruler of the universe!" Drode crosses his arms stubbornly. 

"No, you're not." David says simply. 

"I am too!" Drode pouts.Jalil puts a hand on his shoulder.

" No ya not." he shakes his head. Drode snarls.

"I'm going to go get a Snickers, then punish you, you contemptuous brats." He scuffles away.He walks down a corridor muttering things to himself when, 

"Psst!" a voice whispers. Drode looks around.

"Whoever you are, just know that I am in the mood to dismember and destroy something!" he calls out.

"Good, we need someone powerful like you…" Drode notices a space between trash cans and kneels down.

"Really? You need me?" 

"Follow me…." Akisis pops up and leads the way. Drode grins and flutters his fingers in delight. 

Onstage….

"And we're back!" Drew runs a hand through his buzzed hair. 

"And so am I." Lenalaye walks in.

"Oh, Lenalaye, nice to see you again…" Drew's eyes dart in fear as Lenalaye approaches. 

"I have deliberated and decided that I want to take over."

"Oh, then I guess I'll leave…" Drew sets the cards down.

"You will take Toomin's place." she declares.

"What?!" he cries.

"Woo-hoo!" Toomin pumps a hand into the air and gets up. He dances a little jig. Drew looks back at Lenalaye.

"But I can't! You can't make me!" he begs.

"Yes I can. I'm the author of this ludicrous story. Besides, Toomin needs rest. Probably a snack too."

"Yup." He answers. 

"Oh man…." Drew groans.

"Now!" Lenalaye orders. Toomin sprints and kicks his heels in delight as Drew shuffles to his seat. Lenalaye sits in the desk and picks up the cards. She flashes a smile.

"Everything's made up, and the points don't matter." she then pauses. 

" I make everything up and the logic doesn't matter. HAH!" she winks. Drew rolls his eyes. 

"Yes and your game is 'Hey Down There!' this is for Brad and Drew and alsoAir Wolf!" The two guys come down and Air Wolf gets out of her seat.

"Okay, Air Wolf you will narrate and in this game, she will lead them on how to doan Animorphs Mission because Brad and Drew just joined the Auxiliary Animorphs Team! Here is your spit resistant mic and when you're ready begin." The traditional 50s instructional music comes on and Air Wolf holds the mic up.

"Hey down there! It looks like you're ready to go on your very first mission!" she says. Brad and Drewsmile and wave to her.

"Now, as any good Animorph should you guys need to acquire some morphs! First, go to your local zoo." Brad and Drew mime walking. 

"Okay and now you'll need something powerful to battle ferocious Hork-Bajir and monstrous Taxxons. You need some big animals and they're not open to the public, so you'll need to find a way to get to the secret zoo keepers only section!" Drew and Brad scratch their heads and then Drew lights up in realization. He opens a door and waves Brad in.

"There you go! But watch out for the guards!" A siren sound comes on and they begin to freak out.

"Uh-oh, looks like you were spotted! Better hope you can outrun the guards!" Drew and Brad throw up their hands in frustration and begin running then quickly tire out. Brad taps Drew on the shoulder and wrenches open a door. They run in blindly. 

"Good! You escaped the guards and you ran into the tiger habitat!" Brad and Drew's jaws drop. Brad and Drew begin to tap each other back and forth miming arguing over who goes and acquires the tiger. Drew takes Brad and shoves him across the stage. Brad sighs and creeps up on the tiger.

"Now remember, tigers don't like sudden movements and those inch longfangs aredesigned to crush the throats of their prey. They also don't like the smell of fear and--- why Brad, you're sweating!" Brad gives Air Wolf a severe look and carefully presses his hand on the imaginary tiger. He concentrates and then moves his hand off.

"Good! Now remember that trance only lasts ten seconds and the tiger habitat enclosure is a twenty foot climb!" Brad and Drew go back to the chair set up and begin to 'climb' up . Some tiger growls are made.

"Uh-oh! There were _four tigers in that habitat! You only acquired one! Silly you! Better move quickly!" Brad and Drew scream and Drew drops off his jacket as if the tigers get it. They scream some more and run back onto the stage, out of breath. _

"Excellent. Now you need to infiltrate the Yeerk Pool, destroy Visser Three and free all the hosts!" Brad collapses on the ground and Drew hangs his head. 

"Now, now turn that frown upside-down! You're Animorphs!" Brad and Drew rolls their eyes. 

"Now have you been good spies and researched secret entrances?" Brad and Drew exchange confused looks. They shrug and nod.

"Good! Now go there and open it up." Drew and Brad being walking.

"Uh-oh! Several dressing rooms, which one has the right entrance?" Brad beings doing eeny meeny minee moe and settles on one. They go inside. A girl's scream is heard and Brad thrusts back the curtain. Drew goes and pulls back the curtain himself and raises his eyebrows. He is promptly slapped.

"Uh-uh try again guys! Use that Animoprh ingenuity!" Drew spins around in a circle with one finger extended. He lands on another one and they go in. Brad inspects the mirror and kicks it. The entrance gives way.

"There you go! Now walk down the winding staircase until your hear soul wrenching screams and a faint sloshing sound." Drew and Brad tip-toe down the staircase. Drew and Brad cup an ear and lean forward. They turn and nod to each other.

"Good! Now's the time to morph!" Drew and Brad hook their fingers and begin growling. They precede down the staircase and then retract at the sound of a siren.

"Woopsies! _You forgot about the Gleet Bio-Filters! How stupid of you! A __real Animorph would have been smarter. But it looks like you just couldn't cut it.Bye-bye Drew and Brad!" Drew and Brad tense up as if being electrocutedand collapse on the ground._

BZZZZZZZZZZ! Air Wolf hands the mic back and the guys get up. They go back to their seats as the audience applauds . Lenalaye claps with the cards in hand.

"Wonderful! How about we give it up for Air Wolf! Nice narrating!" the audience cheers as Air Wolf humbly waves a hand. 

"And for Brad and Drew, three billion points." 

"Good, now for your next game which is 'Changing Emotions!' This is for Drew, Brad and Greg." They come down and Lenalaye bends underneath the desks. She pulls out a camera and a notebook. 

"Okay and with this game you all will act out a scene and when you hold one of these objects you will act the emotion tagged to it. The camera symbolizes extreme paranoia and the notebook, as with one of these objects always, symbolizes lust. The scene is a spy mission. When you're ready, begin."Greg holds the camera and Brad holds the notebook. 

"Come on, come on you stupid Controller…that's it…walk right this way…hehehhee…." Drew mimes looking through binoculars. Greg trembles.

"Oh no he's coming this way! It must be Visser Three in human morph! Oh man he found, he found us, we are so dead!" Greg runs his fingers through his hair.

"Will you shut up Greg! I mean, it's not even a man!"

" How do you know he didn't do that just to fool us! Oh man, oh man I mean he's an alien what's to keep him from being a gender bender too! He'd do it just to get us!" Greg huddles to himself. 

"You are hopeless. Brad come over here and take some notes." Brad comes up and looks at Drew. He bends over the imaginary wall and stares at him, faintly holding the notebook in hand.

"You know Drew, that crew cut makes you look very sexy." Drew lets the binoculars fall and stares at Brad. Greg misinterpretsthis glance.

"Oh no! You're in it together! Why didn't I see this?! AH, AH! How did he get you?! Oh man, oh man! AHHHHHH!" Greg goes into hysterics. Drew clenches his fists and walks over to him.

"Give me that!" he snatches the camera from Greg. Suddenly his eyes go wide. He looks at Brad who smiles and gives a little wave.

"Oh my God! You're gay!" He looks at Greg.

"You two, you're---oh man! That can only mean we're in fanfiction! Which means there arefanfic authors!" he looks around wildly. Brad pumps his eyebrows and smirks. 

"Let me come there and comfort you…I think a little acquiring will calm you down…." Brad slow walks and reaches for Drew.

"No! You're one of them! STAY AWAY!!" Drew fends Brad off. 

"Is anyone going to watch the Controller?" Greg walks over to the imaginary wall and picks up the binoculars. Brad checks him out. 

"Hey! She just got into a car! Quick give me the notebook so I can get the license plate number!" Brad hands him the notebook.

"The number…." Greg drifts off. He swings the binoculars around. 

"Oh yeah won't you let me acquire you baby…uh-uh like that cat walk….Grrrrrr! Drew come check out the babe!" Greg pulls Drew up. 

"Ouch!" Drew says and Greg looks at his claws.

"Oh oops, got a little carried away…." he pulls him over and shoves the binoculars in his face.

"Awww…now don't you two look cute! Here, why don't I get a picture?" Brad goes and takes the camera from Drew's hand. Greg and Drew pose, Greg's hand curling around Drew's waist. Drew frowns and looks at Greg who winks and smiles.

"Click!" Brad takes the picture and then he gets the picture.

"Oh no! Y-y-your eyes! They're red. *Gasp* You're Yeerks aren't you?! It all makes sense!" 

"What? I have red eyes? Let me see that?" Drew steps forward.

"STAY BACK SLIMY CESSPOOL FREQUENT!!!" 

BZzzzzzzzzzz! Greg and Brad return the objects to the desk and go back to their seats. 

"Outstanding! We'll be back for more Whose Line is it Anyway! Don't go away!" Lenalaye cheers and pumps her fists. 

*************************************************************

**Please answer this question!!!**

** **

**What animorph or other person (real, or not) would you like most to see playing games?**

It's very important! 

Cool! But how does Drode figure in all this? Why does Akisis keep kidnapping people and why is she conspiring against Lenalaye? Will this fic give way to an ending sometime soon? All this and more in the next installment!


	8. The Day No Games Were Played

Backstage……

In light of the tragedy I dedicate this chapter, my favoriteso far, to those who suffered directly.

Thanks again to **Air Wolf, ****Momo Claus and ****Danel for letting me use you. Also to ****Jade Mishima and ****Gem Stoned as well as ****Akisis. You guys are so cool! THANK YOU!!!**

Credit also to **Linkin Park and ****Lifehouse because I they don't know I'm using them here….ehehhehehee**

Backstage……

Toomin sprints into what he believes to be the lobby.

"Ah!" Ryan yells in surprise.

"Huh?" Toomin stares at the set up. Chip, Colin and Ryan all huddled in a computer room.

"What are you guys doin'?" he asks.

"Uh….stuff…." Colin trails. 

"I'm back!" Akisis comes in through another door with Drode behind her. 

"AH!" Toomin spots him.

"What the hell?" Drode responds.

"The Drode?" Colin questions Akisis.

"He's gonna help us create a distraction." She explains.

"No way! You guys are plotting to destroy the show?" says Toomin .

"Yup, and thwart Lenalaye for good." Chip adds.

"Can I join?" Toomin asks. Akisis and Ryan bow their heads in thought.

"Hmmmm….." Ryan thinks. "You can kept quiet and help Akisis if she needs it." 

"So, what are the rest of you doing?" Toomin takes a seat and grabs a donut. They all crack an evil smile.

"Here's what we plan to do…." Ryan starts. He whispers the plan and Drode does a 'yes!'. Even Toomin smiles. 

"Sound good?" he asks.

"When do I start?" Drode rubs his hands together.

"As soon as you can. They're going to be coming back on soon." Akisis advises. They all peer out the window.

"See! They have the cues ready, better get goin' Drode." She says.

"I love my work!" Drode skips away. 

In the lobby….

David sits alone as Jalil went to the bathroom and April had a snack attack. He whistles and tries to balance his sword on his palm.

"Dudududududududuuu……" he gets it to stay for a fewseconds. He stands up and it still stays. He wavers left, then right, then far left until,

THWANG!  
"AH! Smooth move jackass…." A voice says. 

"Dude!" David approaches the cluster of chairs. Akisis, once more appears.

"You're that girl who keep hiding and abducting people!" he smiles in realization.

"Yeah whatever, ever wanted to be on TV?" she asks.

"That'd be sweet!" David exults.

"Follow me….." she rolls her eyes and motions down the hall. David plucks his sword and hurries after her.

In the ABC Network building….

A man sits in the lobby with two burly men on either side.He taps his foot and looks at his watch. 

"Geez I hope theycome soon. I could use a laugh…." Colin skids down the hall and notices the man.

"How about that guy?" he shouts down the corridor.

"Is he funny?" a voice returns. Colin spins and looks.

"Funny looking." He responds.

"Good enough! Get him!" Colin nods and approaches the man. The man looks up.

"Oh good! Are you the comedian?" he asks. Colin shifts his eyes.

"Eh….sure….follow me…" he starts walking off. The man shrugs and he signals for the guards to follow him. They catch up to Colin who motions down a hallway.

"The hallway is dark." The man concludes.

"Yes it is sir." One of the guards answers. The man frowns.

"I don't like the dark." He says.

"Hold me then sir." A guard sticks out his arm and the man takes hold. Colin opens a door and you can't see inside. The man peers in. 

"That's even darker!" the man says. Colin shrugs. 

"Jimbo, Ox, go in there for me." The guards go in and Colin shuts the door. He takes the man by his arm.

"Where are you taking me?!" 

"Just relax and you'll get to sit in a comfy chair." Colin says in a patronizing tone.

"Will there be cake?" the man asks.

"Sure, why not….." Colin says and leads him towards the light.

"Why not…."

Onstage….(or really above it)…..

Drode carefully walks across the wire-work and lights. 

"We'll be back in oneminute Ms. Laye." A camera man tells her.Lenalaye nods and spins in her chair. Drode grins.

"And coming on in five, four, three….." the camera man counts off. Drode cackles evilly. 

"I have a game for _you, it's called Blackout!" he laughs some more. Then he waves his hands and some music starts to play. _

"It's just one of those days…." He picks up a hammer.

"Where you don't wanna wake up, everything is f*****, everybody sucks! You don't really know why, but you want to justify RIPPING SOMEONE'S HEAD OFF!!!" He beats the light setup mercilessly as he sings along to Limp Bizkit's 'Break Stuff'. 

"No human contact and if you interact, your life is on contract! Your best bet is to stay away mother f*****! IT'S JUST ONE OF THOSE DAYS!!!" Sparks fly and screams erupt. He continues to rip cables and smash glass through out the chorus.

"Weeeeheheheee!" Drode exults. 

SMASH!

Drode giggles in a depraved way andruns along to the end.

"It's just one of those days, feeling like a freight train! First one to complain leaves with a bloodstain! Damnright I'm a maniac! You better watch your back CAUSE I'M F******UP YOUR PROGRAM!!" The cat walk gives way and as he says the last sentence he lands in darkness with screams of fright around him. He turns the music off and immediately goes to the cast.

"Shhh! I'm here to help! Just run off into the wings and to the first door onyour right! It's a small room, Ryan is waiting there for you! Go, go, go!" They all stumble and run towards the exit.

"Does that mean I'm forgiven?" Drew asks.

"How the hell should I know?" Drode thrusts him towards the wings. He quickly takes a seat and three other people grab the seats next to him.

"LIGHTS! DAMMIT! Odrin light up!" Lenalaye yells. Suddenly a small fairy light appears. 

"Make sure the cast is still there!" she orders. Odrin flutters over and inspects the cast. 

"They've switched!" he exclaims.

"Back up power on!" someone calls and a small reserve of lights flood the room. They show the new, new cast.

"WHAT?!" Lenalaye screeches. Now it goes Drode, the man, Colin and David. Lenalaye runs over to them along with Air Wolf. The man rubs his eyes.

"The light is bright." He states.

"Where are the others?! Where are Chip, Ryan, Wayne, Greg, Brad and Drew?" Air Wolf demands.

"I dunno." Colin says stupidly. Lenalaye goes to David.

"Where is the original cast?" she asks.

"What's a cast?" he asks stupidly.

"Don't play dumb with me!" she wags a finger at him.

"But I'm not!" he says. Lenalaye looks him over. 

"Hmmm….." she turns to face the audience.

"My brothers and sisters of fanfiction! I want all of you to help me in capturing the cast!" Theyfidget in their places.

"I'll give you a cookie." She throws in.

"Plus, tickets to Linkin Park!" she adds. They all leapt to their feet and take off. 

"Everyone!" she commands. 

"But what about the prisoners?" Air Wolf waves to the new, new cast 

"Good point. Cast a spell." Lenalaye runs off to capture her characters. Air Wolf waves her hands and renders the new, new cast incapable of moving. She also runs off in the great search….

Backstage…..

"Okay, they're all looking for you. My senses tell me that just about all of them ran off to get their computers. So for the most part, there are only a few looking for you." Akisis says.

"So you want us to do what?" Wayne asks. 

"Well, Ryan here has been planning an alternate ending. However, it appears Lenalaye put a spell like thing on hercomputer. It's the only one that can alter anything major around here." 

"Then why did the others waste their time in getting their computers?" Brad asks.

"I have no idea," Akisis shrugs. "anyway, are you ready Christopher?" Christopher crawls to her feet with his spy gear on.

"Baby yeah!" 

"I'm so confused….." Drew grips the sides of his head.

"Nevermind. But we need you five to act as a distraction so that we can take over the show. That means getting Lenalaye as far as we can from her personal computer so that Christopher here can attach the link to Ryan's computer and maybe steal her magical scented candles."

"And how the hell do we do that?" Greg asks.

"We could sprint down the halls naked." Brad suggests.

"We need something she and her helpers will run _to not __from." Akisis details._

"Blink 182 does it all the time…." Brad defends.

"Besides I have it figured out already."

"Geez, what? Did you write this plan down?" Chip asks.

"What did Lenalaye do topiss you off anyway?" Colin asks.

"Yeah, what's the grudge?" Ryan also asks. Akisis shrugs.

"No grudge, I just pity you. And I wanted a huge part in her fic. Plus, having a sort-of story plot thing makes it funnier then if it's straight games." She explains. 

"So anyway, the plan?" Drew pulls them back on track.

"Oh yes, Drew, Greg, Brad, Chip and Wayne stand there. I'm going to put a spell on you."

"A spell?" Greg questions. Akisis cracks her fingers and chants: 

"All fanficdom come together in this time of peril

All the powers come together and herald

A guise of cleverness and likeness 

Of these authors' favorites!" Akisis finishes and a gust of wind blows in andbrushes over them. Suddenly, they all become young twenty-something years old. They have the exact image of the real band Linkin Park.They look over themselves in astonishment.

"Wow!" Brad exclaims as Brad Delson ( guitar).

"What did you do?" Ryan asks. 

"Well, what better distraction for a person than their favorite celebrity?" Akisis explains. 

"How come Chip gets to be the sexy lead singer?" Greg whines. Chip smiles as Chester.

"I don't know. Just go out there and trap Len along with her partners. Remember, only one author at a time. Now you look like Linkin Park because Lenalaye is close by, but once you get near Momo Claus or Air Wolf, you'll be Lifehouse."

"Don't we need instruments?" Greg asks. Akisis shoves a boom-box into Chip's hands. 

"Hybrid Theory's in the first deck, 'No Name Face' on the second.

"Allrighty then, I think you're set. Go out and wow them!" Akisis says. They all walk out and take a look around.Lenalaye turns the corner of the hallway.

"Oh guuuuuuuuyyyyysss, are you down here?" she cranes her neck and notices the guys. She stares for a while.

"Hi." Brad waves.

"Oh, my, GOD!" Lenalaye comes and takes a closer look at them. 

"Are you Lenalaye?" Chip asks. Lenalaye practically faints.

"Y-y-yeah! Are you Linkin Park?" she dares to ask.

"Oh yeah, we're here to give you your Happy Belated Birthday present." Greg makes up.

"REALLY?!!"

"Mhmmm….what song would you like to hear us do?" Chip says. Lenalaye can hardly believe her luck. 

"Here, how about we go to this studio room?" Wayne offers.

"Okay!" Lenalaye yanks the door open and they file in and she hurriedly goes after them. Lenalaye takes the only chair in there and sits.

"Maybe I should get Danel, he'd like this too." She starts to get up. Drew quickly gets up to block the door.

"No, no! This is your birthday present alone. Go on, sit down." Lenalaye agrees excitedly and goes back to sit. 

"Where's Phoenix?"

"Uh….Phoenix caught the flu, yeah that's it…." Wayne says.

"So have you picked out a song?" Chip quickly says.

"Yeah! Uh…this might sound stupid but could you do 'Crawling' for me?" 

"Crawling? Okay birthday girl." Chip flashes a smile and Lenalaye practically melts. Brad goes and turns the CD player on. the haunting, draining sound echoes and Chip begins.

CRAWLING IIIIIN MY SKIIIIIIIN 

THESE WOUNDS THEY WILL NOT HEAL!

FEAR IS HOW I FALL! 

CONFUUUUUSING WHAT IS REAAAALLL!!! Chip starts out and by the end, Len is squealing with delight.

"Yahoo! This is the best present ever!" Chip walks up to Len and smiles. 

"Okay, we're gonna to take a break but we'll be back!" he goes and kisses her. Len shakes with uncontrollable happiness, unable to utter anything comprehensible. They walk out of the room and lock the door. Greg yanks a sign out and hangs it on the door. 

'Out of Order' 

"That should do it." Chip snickers.

"One down, two to go." Drew counts and they go on their way. Suddenly their cover shifts. 

"Hey!" Greg exclaims.

"We've switched!" Wayne realizes.

"Okay that means Momo Claus is nearby I guess." Drew says and rubs his hands, laughing in an evil manner. Sure enough Momo Claus comes, swaying to the music in her head. She immediately spots the guys.

"OMG! Lifehouse!" she runs up to them. 

"Hello! Are you Momo Claus?" Chip begins the act again.

"Yep, yep, the only one!" she boasts.

"Well it seems you've won a free concert!" Drew says.

"Wowie!"

"How about we go into that room over there." Wayne points.

"OKAY!" Momo Claus races and runs in completely ignoring the fact that it's a janitor's closet.

"We're gonna go get our instruments okay?" Chip pokes his head in and says. Momo frowns.

"Can't you just sing?" Chip sighs.

"Ooo fine." Drew turns the CD player on. Momo squeals happily as he brings up the microphone.

"Desperate for changing, starving for truth, I'm closer to where I started, chasing after you…" He goes on to sing all of 'Hanging By a Moment'.

"Hanging by a moment here withyooouuaaAHHHHH!!" Momo pounces on Chip. 

"Oh that was Snarfalicously narafificious!!! Superbly narfy snarfy!!!!" Chip pulls her off of him. 

"Eh yeah thanks…." He sets her down on the bucket.

"We're gonna take a little break but we'll be back." The others start to leave. Chip goes and kisses Momo. She leaps to go after him but the other guys slam the door shut.

"Ilove you Jaaaaaaasooooon!!!" her muffled voice yells. Chip steps back slowly from the door as they bolt and lock it.

"Man that was too easy!" Brad laughs.

"Stupid teenage girls, they're so easy to manipulate." Wayne adds. Chip shakes and brushes himself off.

"Sad really." He says in mock pity. They all laugh.

"Got a little close there though." Greg says.

"Yeah, kinda like Ax and a cinnabon. You don't want to get between them." Chip says.

" C'mon! Let's go find our new victim!" Drew interrupts and leads the way.

"Hey! I'm the lead singer!" Chip runs out in front. They disappear and Danel starts jogging down that corridor. He comes to the 'Out of Order' sign.

"Dammit!" he says dancing impatiently on his feet.

"Hello! Hello is there anyone in there? Figures the only bathroom they direct me to is out of order." He grumbles.

"Chester?" a voice from inside says.

"What?" Danel jiggles the lock. 

"Who's out there?" the voice continues. 

"Lenalaye? It's Danel. What are you doing in there?" Danel asks. Lenalaye hops off her chair and goes to the door.

"Waiting for Linkin Park to come back!"

"Linkin Park?" Danel stares at the door.

"Yeah! Wanna come and watch them?"

"Ur…uh…you do know you're locked in there." Danel jiggles the knob again.

"Really?" Lenalaye asks. 

"Hold on, I'll get you out." Danel rolls his eyes. He concentrates and the knob snaps off.

"There we go." he says as he opens the door. Lenalaye bolts out.

"Oi! Where ya goin?"

"To find Linkin Park!" she yells over her shoulder. Danel shrugs and then something rings. He pulls a communication device out of his pocket.

"Hello?"

"Danel it's Gem. It seems your own characters from Para-Cosmic Plumber have broken out."

"Dammit! Well, guess I have to go save the world now." he closes the device and runs off, abandoning this fic. 

Jade Mishima stands in front ofthe candy machine

"Stupid machine!" she beats it.

"Squaaaawwwwwkk!" the chocobo on her shoulder screeches.

"Oh shut up!" she yanks it off and throws it at the glass.

"Squaaaaa….." it slides down off theun-broken glass.

"Dammit! Give me mycandy!" she pummels the machine. Tapping her foot, she then spots the janitor closet.

"Hmmm…maybe there's something in there that can get my damn candy out." She goes and tries to open the door.

"Arghhh!" shepicks the chocobo up and tries to unlock the door with its beak.

"C'mon, c'mon….yes!" She yanks the door open andstares at Momo Claus, calmly sitting among the buckets and mops.

"Hello…" Jade stares. 

"HI!"

"What are you doing in the janitor's closet?"

"Lifehouse locked me in here! They said they'd be coming back!" she looks around excitedly. Jadeblinks and stares.

"Have you seen them?"Momo asks earnestly.

"Eh…sure…they went that way." Jade points towards the right hallway.

"THANKS!" Momo Claus jumps up and takes off. Jade shrugs and begins searching for something to jimmy the candy out with.

"SquaaaaaaaaaaK!" the chocobo yells and Jade chucks it down the corridor.

Air Wolf's demons take a suspicious look down the corridor.

"See anything guys?" Air Wolf asks on the other side of the corner. They turn around and shake their heads.

"Those stupid mortals! I've been bored all summer and finally when I get to be in a cool story, those actors have to ruin it!" Air Wolf stomps her foot. The wolf's ears swivel.

"Wait! I hear something…." Air Wolf and her demons stop and listen. The faint footsteps and whispers become louder.

"Aha!" Air Wolf rubs her hands in a devious way. She waits behind the corner and as the strangers get to the bend, 

"Sick'em!" Air Wolf orders. 

"AHHHH!" the guys trip in startle. 

"You thought you were so---" she pauses and peers at them.

"Lifehouse!" she gasps. 

"Yeah, that's us…." They pick themselves off the ground. Air Wolf grins.

"Cool! Hey! You guys busy? Cause I'm sortof a fan…" she starts. 

"Of course! We actually came to find you." Chip explains. 

"You did?" Air Wolf puzzles. 

"You won a free concert!" Wayne says. Air Wolf cocks a brow. The wolf comes and sits at her side uttering a suspicious growl. 

"But I never entered in a contest," she smiles sadly. "you must be mistaken. However, if I could have an autograph or something…." She trails. The demons surround the group.

"Okay, okay….."Chip says a little wary of the wolf. Air Wolf conjures a pen and paper and hands it to Chip. He smiles uncertainly and takes it. He uncaps the pen and scribbles something on the paper and hands it back to Air Wolf. She studies it carefully and looks back up at Chip and the others. 

"Hmmm…..." she frowns. The wolf barks at them while the women demon crosses her arms. Ba'zalamon glowsred and snarls. The guys begin to sweat. 

"Uh, we have a concert to get to…" Greg tries to excuse them. Air Wolf nods her head suspiciously.

"Really? I thoughtyou said youwere looking for me." she then closes in on Chip.

"Did you flunk out of school or something that you can't spell right? Or do all celebrities just have illegible autographs? Tell me, what _is your name?" she waits in calm mien for their answers. _

"Uh, uh…..RUN!" Chip and the others make a break for it. Air Wolf's demons start to chase them and she follows. 

Wayne, Brad, Drew, Chip and Greg come to a corner. The three separate hallways converge and Lenalaye, Air Wolf, and Momo Claus bump into each other.

"Ah! Dude what are you doing here?" Lenalaye asks and rubs her head.

"Duh! Following Jason Wade and Lifehouse!" Momo says. 

"Really? So was I. At least I think it was Lifehouse…"Air Wolf says.

"I was following Chester Bennington and Linkin Park!" Len notices the guys in the corner.

"There they are!" she points and giggles. Air Wolf and Momo Claus frown.

"What? There? That's Lifehouse can't you tell?" Momo displays the guys.

"No way, that's Linkin Park!" Lenalaye argues.

"Wait a minute, if we see Lifehouse, and you see Linkin Park, then they're not either one of them!" Air Wolf swings an accusing glance at them. 

"You lie! That _is Lifehouse!" Momo insists._

"Hold on, hold on. Let's contact Gem." Lenalaye says and pulls out a device.

"Hey Gem, we have a band of some sort here but we don't know their real identity is. Got a spell?" Lenalaye pauses.

"Okay thanks." She closes the device and whispers it to Momo and Air Wolf.

The guys collectively gulp. Each of the authors extends a hand.

"One, two, three show us who they really be." they chant. The guys' cover shifts, first into Linkin Park.

"It is! It is!" Lenalaye jumps up and down. Then it wavers and becomes Lifehouse.

"Aha! I knew it!" Momo triumphs. Finally the cover gives way and they see the guys. 

"Uh-oh." Wayne comments as they see the rage boiling on all three girls' faces. Their muses and demons creep forward.. The groups' eyes dart from the frothing wolf at Air Wolf's side to the luminous red fairy hovering above Lenalaye to the growling terrier at Momo's feet. 

"Nobody," Air Wolf growls. "but nobody dares trick us like that!" 

"AHHHHHHHHHHHH!" The guys break through them and take off.

"COME BACK HERE!!!" Lenalaye rages. Odrin turns into a stallion and she climbs on ( despite the fact that Lenalaye does not know how to ride a horse but we'll just let that slip….).Momo's terrier muse grows larger and she hops on. Air Wolf rides on her wolf's back (Princess Mononoke style) as her demons fly overhead. The trio, a hellish ball of rage, take after them 

TZZZZZZZZAAAP!! One of Air Wolf's demons fires a strike at the guys' heels.

"Yipe!" Drew yelps and they run even faster, turning a corner. 

"Hmmm…I wonder how the guys are doing…" Ryan thinks aloud and Toomin nods. 

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" The guys run by.

"BAAAAAAA! WE'RE GOING TO KILL YOU!!!" Momo shrieks as she runs by. Toomin and Ryan blink.

"Hold on, I think I have something here." Ryan says and Christopher climbs onto his shoulder.

"I attached the thingy, we're set to go." he announces. 

"It says here there's an address for the people who run the site. Think maybe they can overpower thefanfic authors?"

"The creator of the very place they live? You have their address?" Toomin bends down.

"Look. Xing and Bot. Maybe if we e-mail them, they can reign in these psychos!"

"Dude! Sweet!" Christopher rubs his tiny paws together. 

"Well, what are you waiting for?!" Toomin yells at Ryan.

"AHHHHHHHHHHH!!!" Drew Carey runs by holding his butt where Momo's terrier has bitten it.

"That." Ryan answers. They laugh and he sits and types a quick letter. Balls of flame and screams erupt in the background. Wayne is thrown up against the glass and slides down. Greg runs by, trying to put his hair out which is aflame. Brad yells as Odrin in horse form pulls a wedgie. Chip flies by horizontally, screaming his head off.

"Does this sound good? 'Dear runners of the site. A few of your members have been harassing us. They are abusing their fanfic powers and giving us major ouchies. Please come and help, your aid would be greatly appreciated.'"Toomin nods his head vigorously .

"Yeah that sounds good. Send it! Send it!" he urges him. Ryan sighs.

"It says it'll take a while for the e-mail to reach them!"

"Guess we hold off until then." Christopher says. He scampers to a drawer and clutches the handle. He slides it open laboriously and fetches a pixie stick. He tears it open and begins chewing it.

"SWEET!!!" he says andgets really hyper.

"Oh no, Chris!" Ryan places his hands on his head in distress.

"CHRSITOPHER you dumbass!" he says and goes and gets another. 

"Well at least get me one…" Toomin pouts.Akisis runs in.

"Hey! How's it going?" she says breathless.

"Well we found the address of the people who run the site. We e-mailed them."

"Cool. But where are the guys? I heard a spell being conducted!" Akisis stresses. 

"Ack…..oooo….ouchie…" we hear a voice choke. All of them run out to find the guys strewn and beaten. 

"Little buddies! OMG!" Toomin gasps. He bends down to Chip.

"What happened? Are you okay?" Chip raises his head and coughs.

"Hell hath no fury like a fanfic author tricked…oi…." His head falls back down. 

*************************************************************

Oh, my gods I didn't do a game!Please don't kill me! What will Lenalaye do now that she's on to the guys? Will Drode, the man, Colin and David play a game? Who is this man? What game will they play??? Find out next chapter!!!


	9. Let's Make a Date ?

          WOW! I have been on hiatus for like months! Well, more like two. I kinda got side tracked, first by the Sept 11 stuff and then I got absorbed by my Linkin Park fanfic. But never mind, I finished the chpt I wanted to finish for that and now I'm concentrating on this! Enjoy!

Here are the thanks for this episode:

Akisis

Gem Stoned

EllimistGirl

Britz (even though I didn't ask you)

And a tiny one for Jicklet J

Onstage….

          David looks around and the others lounge in boredom. He turns to the man.

"You know you look familiar…." He says. The man lightens.

"Oh yes! I'm popular now!" he smiles. 

"Did anyone ever tell you, you look just like---"  Colin is interrupted as the doors explode open and the audience files in.

          "What the….." Drode stares. The audience takes their place in the stands and watch the new, new cast silently. Drode gets up.

          "Why did you all come back?" EllimistGirl stands up in the audience.

          "Well, we got tired really quickly and we figured that since we're the audience we were supposed to be entertained and you're entertaining enough." She sits.

          "Okay, but who hosts?" Drode asks. The authors share a look. Suddenly, Lenalaye bursts onto the scene.

          "This is still _my fic and **I will host it. That is if the cast deems that acceptable…."  She growls and looks at the new, new cast.**_

          "Fine by us." Drode says. Air Wolf and Momo Claus also come and take their seats, arms crossed.

          "What happened to the old cast?" Colin asks.

          "Oh, I took care of them. Took care of them _real good…." She picks up the cards. _

          "What about Ryan? We never found him…" Air Wolf whispers.

          "He's one character, he can't battle against omniscient beings such as ourselves." Momo explains.

          "Ahem. Well, viewers if you're just joining us, it seems we have a new cast." The camera pans the guys in the seat. Len pauses.

          "Hey, who's that guy?" she asks. Everyone stares at the mysterious man. 

          "I didn't do anything!" he cries out, panicked. 

          "He looks like a monkey, maybe he escaped from some institute…" Momo thinks aloud.

          "Wait a minute…looks like a monkey….that's President Bush!" all gasp at Len's revelation.

          "Yay! You guessed right!" he gets all happy. 

          "President who?" David asks.  Len stares at them.

          "You don't know who President George W. Bush is?!!" the guys yank at their collars.

          "Stupidest leader alive probably, the economy started to fail once he got into office, won the presidency by default…." She details.

          "Umm….I'm from a completely different dimension! I have no reason to know such petty  human affairs…" Drode explains. 

          "I'm from a different country!" Colin yells.

          "You're from Canada!" Len exclaims.

          "It's still a separate country and nothing you can say or do will make it otherwise!" he folds his arms defiantly.  Len turns to David.

          "You're human and from America, what's your excuse?" David starts to talk and then stops. He attempts again. 

          "Well I was in Everworld…." 

          "And in this one….." Len adds.    

          "I'm just a dumbass…" he gives up.

          "Good. Now, Bush, you're funny and all, but that's because you don't attempt to be funny…." She turns to the audience.

          "Okay let's vote! Do we keep the prez or what?" 

          "Why have him when you can have an original bonafide character such as myself?" Everyone turns to the double doors and Jake walks in. 

          "Jake? I mean I love you and all but you? Funny? I mean after that terrible ending, that would majorly depress anyone…especially you." Len says. Jake grins.

          "That's what everyone thinks, but I'm here to prove them all wrong! Because I've done some thinking and decided to see the world in a brighter light!" he says triumphantly. Marco in the audience turns to a person.

          "Actually, he just got on Prozac." He whispers to them.

          "Well will you have monkey man or Jakey?" Jake leans on the desk. Len taps a card on her chin.

          "Hmmmmm….." she then turns to President Bush.

          "You! Out! And don't come back until you've fixed the country!"  she orders. 

          "Awwww!" Bush buries his head in his hands.

          "Jake, your seat is over there…." Len points. As Bush gets up he asks,

          "Don't I get a parting gift?" Len disappears under the desk and pulls out a stack of pies.

          "Here, go knock yourself out." she hands them to him.

          "If you want me, I'll be in the secret hideout place." He says pouting,  and walks away. Jake plops down.

          "Well, let's get this show on the road!" he says and claps. The others look at him. 

          "Leader too?" David asks knowingly. Jake shrugs and smiles. 

           "Okay you wacky bunch you, let's do a great game known here as…'Let's Make a Date!' This is for all four of you, David, Colin and Jake will be the bachelors on one of those dating-type shows and Drode will ask them questions. You see, they all have a certain quirk or identity we have given them. At the end, Drode must guess who they are.  When you're ready, begin." The guys have taken out their cards on their stools and put them away. Drode pretends to puff his hair. 

          "Oh bachelor number oooooone!" he says in a terrible, high pitched voice.  The camera goes to David. The phrase ' Bush trying to deliver a speech  ' appears. 

          "Yes!" David responds with a vacant look in his eye. 

          "Bachelor one, if I were a flower I'd be a Venus Flytrap! If you were  a flower, what would you be?" David's jaw jitters open a little and then he speaks,

          "Flowers. Uh-uh….well I'd be a dandy-lion or wait! A crisithiummmm. No wait, a cr-si-thi-phi-sis…wait I'll get it! What's for breakfast?" he asks out of the blue. The audience laughs ( I swear to spirits, if you watch that guy during a debate, that's the exact question in his mind. He is totally not there….). 

          "All right then, bachelor number two!" Camera goes to Colin and the words 'Joe Hahn from Linkin Park, battling his alter ego Remy' appear on the screen. Colin pretends to scratch the turntables and begins supplying a beat.

          "Oh bacherloooooor!" Drode calls. Colin keeps on doing his thing.

          "Bachelor two, I enjoy long walks----bachelor number two!"

          "What?" Colin pretends to remove some headphones. 

          " I was saying, that I enjoy long walks on the beach. If you were to go on a date with me, where would you take me?" Colin pretends to hold a headphone to his ear and carefully studies the beat.

          "I'd take you to all the clubs and show you my mad skills!"  he says and the audience laughs. 

          "Oh that's what you think…." Colin says in a deeper, more evil voice. Colin straightens up and grips his head.

          "It's happening again!" he then spins around. 

          "Follow me  and I'll take you to the fiery depths of undiluted darkness." Colin  says in the evil voice and spins around again. 

          "Like a face that I hold inside, a face that awakes when I close my eyes!" he scratches the turntables. Then he spins around again.

          "And watches everything…." Remy says. 

          "Ohhhh bachelor number two you give me the chills!" Drode shivers and says. Colin sits down and slips his headphones back on. 

          "Oh bachelor number threeeeee!" Camera goes to Jake and the phrase 'All the female characters from the Animorphs series' appears. 

          "Yeah what?!" Jake yells and puts his hands on his hips.

          "Now being the beautiful maiden that I am, I have had some past romances. They have turned our quite terrible,  if my ex started stalking me, what would you do?"

          "Why I'd kick his candy ass! But wait, that would be violent and I'm sure he's just misunderstood." Jake changes his demeanor.

          "I mean, what with all the hate and fighting in this world, we can work this out for ourselves. Or maybe it would be just better to throw him in a cage and watch him scream in pain and pleasure! Whoohooo! Yes my poor little bir-die…." Jake cackles and does an evil female laugh. Colin drifts towards Jake.

          "How 'bout you and I go attend a bio-exorcism?" Colin says as Remy. Then he warps.

          "But we have a concert! I mean we owe it to the fans!" Colin counters himself. Remy narrows his eyes and says,

          "Screw the fans! They don't even perform sacrifices for us…." 

          "And I promise I will put more funding into the schools….you say tamato I say tomatoe, you say potato, I say potatoe…let's blow Bin Laden up!" (sorry if that kind of material upsets anyone here…) David then puffs his lips out and does a few monkey noises. 

          "Oh well, um, bachelor number one, what kind of food do you like to eat?" Drode asks. 

          "Apple pie….I could go for some right now…." David looks around then realizes he's on stage. "And social security will remain secure! Thou shalt not….um…." David looks around and does a childish pout. 

          "You all are doomed to be my slaves! Hahahahaa! I shall rule the Earth you pathetic lowlifes! " Jake cackles as Edriss. 

          "Oh _you are my cure for the itch…." Colin fonds over Jake. _

          "Taxes will be lowered and everyone will get miniature American flags!" David wags a confident finger at the audience.  Colin goes back to his dj-ing, adding sound effects. 

          "Bachelor  number two, same question!" Drode rings out. 

          "I like to devour the blackened part of sinner's souls…. Chinese takeout  is always good too. Fast food and M&Ms and skittles and chocolate and cake and….." Colin goes on and on. 

          "Bachelor number three…."

          "Oh! My hair! They shot my hair! Those ****!!" Jake gets up and mimes morphing into a grizzly bear. 

          "…..and tai food and Italian food and French food and Greek food, baklava's so tasty, and Korean food and Italian pasta  and oh! Those little maple syrup candies from Canada!" Colin rattles off.

          "The Hork-Bajir are my people now so you can kiss my hybrid ass Alloran!" Jake stands up and says. The audience cheers. 

          "Oh, um how nice bachelor number three. I think I'll skip you girlfriend ….Bachelor number one, I like a smart man who can engage me in intellectual conversation, what sort of topics would you amaze me with?" The audience is laughing hard as Drode finishes speaking. 

          "Inte-wha? What country are you from? Speak English!" David says a little confused. The camera goes to Jake who is in a sitting position.

          "An ending for Animorphs? Phff!" He slams down the computer and walks away. The audience is in hysterics!

          "Wait! Come back! We make beautiful misery--- I mean music together!" Colin calls after him. David grabs him as he tries to get up. 

          "Now , now son, you don't want to run around with hooligans like that. They're so un-American!" Colin looks him over, scratches a record then takes it and pretends to slice David's head off.  David slumps backwards. 

          " I have a boo-boo!" he cries from the floor. Len begins banging the desk with her fist as she doubles over laughing. 

BZZZZZZZZZZZZ! She slams the buzzer. David gets up and Jake comes back. They sit in their seats.

          "So Drode can you guess who they are?" Len asks. Drode sits up straight.

          "Well David was President Bush trying to deliver a speech, Colin was Joseph Hahn from Linkin Park battling his alter ego Remy and Jake was some of the female characters from Animorphs: Rachel, Cassie, Taylor, Edriss, Rachel again,  Aldrea and at the end I think it was KAA herself."  Len stares at the card and then at Drode. The others stare at him as well.   

          "Well I _am an omniscient being you know!" Drode says. _

          "Oooookaaay….." Lenalaye discards the card. As the guys go back to their seats. 

Backstage….

          The survivors tend to the wounded. 

          "They said if we didn't get the real thing, they were gonna put us together in slash fics!" Chip groans as Ryan puts a pillow under his head. 

"Yeah, Chip and me, Colin and you, Drew and Brad…"Wayne says.

"I thought I was with you Wayne." Brad says.

"No way! It was me and Wayne!" Chip argues.

"Okay, just shut up, and drink your robetussin…" Ryan hands him a small cup of thick, cherry liquid.

Akisis paces around.

          "They must have gotten two of those authors together at one time. They saw through the disguise. Oh, I knew I should have cast a second spell! 

          "And yet, that spell they used,  was so sophisticated, I can't believe Lenalaye knew it….Hmmm….." she flashes back.

          _"Gem! Jade! Do something!"_

_          "Hold on, hold on, I'll contact Gem." Akisis hears Len's voice in her memory. _

          "OMG!" she exclaims.

          "What?" Toomin asks, Ryan looks apprehensive.

          "I just realized something! Lenalaye that shrewd bitch!" 

          "What?!" Ryan asks, getting edgy. Akisis sighs.

          "It seems that Lenalaye's computer isn't the only one conducting things around here. She entrusted someone else, apparently someone named Gem."

          "So you've never heard of them?" Toomin asks.

          "A Gem Stoned, but very vaguely. Hmmm…Ryan? Mind checking fanfiction? Looking her up?" Akisis requests.

          "Can do." Ryan salutes and begins the search. A page pops up and they read.

          "And a web-site! Feeding Lenalaye information and power I suppose with a super-superior computer set up of sorts." Akisis muses. She turns to Toomin.

          "Toomin, can I ask you a favor?" she poses.

          "All right! Some action!" he cheers.

          " Your mission, if you choose to accept it, is you need to locate Gem and dismember the system. Otherwise the link Christopher attached to Len's computer will be rendered obsolete!" Akisis instructs.

          "Hey, I absorbed Jicklet for a reason." Toomin shrugs. 

          "The fanfic author?" Ryan asks, surprised.

"No! Just another Jicklet that I knew." Toomin explains. Akisis waves him off and he begins his quest. 

Back on the set…

          The camera goes back to Lenalaye who is trying to balance a pencil on her nose. She does this for several seconds then realizes the camera's on her. 

          "Oh!" she lets the pencil fall down and grabs the cards.

          "Yes! We have another game! Umm…." She holds up the card.

          "Oh wait we already did 'Irish Drinking Song'," she flips the next card.

"And 'Theme Restaurant'…." She goes to the next one.

"And 'Scenes from a Hat', 'Three Headed Broadway Star',  'Mo-town Group', 'Questions Only', 'Hey Down There', 'News Flash', 'Props', 'Hoe-down', 'Whose Line is it Anyway'…." She begins flipping widely through the cards to find a game.   Faster and faster, she gets a deranged look on her face,

"AHHHHHHHH!" She throws the pile up into the air. The cards fall down around her. 

"HOW CAN IT BE?! HAVE I EXHUASTED EVERY GAME POSSIBLE?!" she shouts. The studio remains silent as people shrug and wonder what comes next.

With Toomin….

          Toomin starts walking down the hallway. He notices a vent and rubs his chin. He flaps his wings and gets up to the air vent. Pulling out a screw driver, he unscrews the bolts and wrenches the grill away. He then climbs in.

          "This is so _Mission Impossible!" he says to himself. He crawls through and tracks his way through the ventilation system. He looks out one exit._

          "Okay, now Greg this is where you tell Dharma about the note you found.  Okay and 1, 2, 3…." Toomin passes by and goes to another vent.

          "Where  the hell is Wayne?! He was supposed to come in today!" someone shouts. Toomin goes on to another grate.

          "Oh I wish I were an oscar myer wiener…." The sound of rushing water is heard as well as a voice singing. It sounds strangely like Regis Philbin.

          "Ewwww….."  Toomin shudders and keeps crawling. The everyday studio sounds begin to fade away and are replaced with the hum of energy.

          "Me thinks I'm getting close." He says to himself. Suddenly, the path stops with a grate over head. Toomin cranes his neck up and looks through the slits. 

          "So what's this thingy do?" an accented male voice asks.

          "Bah! Don't touch that Britz!" a female voice shouts.

          "Don't get your panties in a twist, I'm careful."

          "Do you mind putting your drink somewhere else? I'm a bit leery about what might happen. The circuits would freak out."

          "Why did you have me come up here if I'm so accident prone?"

          "A) Sit in the chair. B) Because you know how easily I get  bored." The voices stop for a moment. Toomin sits there and scratches  his head. _Let's see,  there's an aussie guy in there who sounds stupid and a very attentive girl who sounds formidable. What to do?_

          "Aha!" he lights up in realization. He goes back to the grate.

          "Help! Help! I'm unclad and I have a pizza!" Toomin says in a high voice.

"Uh…Gem what's unclad mean?" 

"That means they don't have any cloths."  We hear the skidding of a chair and hurried footsteps.

BANG!

BAM! Bambambam!

          "You need to _pull the door! Not __push stupid!" the female voice says._

          "Ahaa…." His voice lights up in realization. Then he slams the door.

          "Hmmm that was like something out of our story…. Eh." She says and shrugs. She goes back to working. Toomin eases the grill up and sets it aside. He creeps out and tip-toes up to Gem. 

          "Aha!" he puts his hands over her eyes.

          "Bah!"

          "Guess who!"

          "Auntie Em?" Gem guesses. Toomin takes the chair and boots her out of it. 

          "Hey! That was my chair!" She gets up.

          "Not no more it ain't!" Toomin picks up a wrench. Gem realizes who this is and smiles.   

          "Oh Toomin, I bet you'd like this wouldn't you?" she pulls out a vial with glowing hot pink. He gasps.

          "Is that my mojo? My essence and power? Give it back!" 

          "Uh-uh-uh….I don't think so…." Gem begins backing up as Toomin pushes forward. Gem flips a second grate open and holds the vial over it.

          "One step closer and I let go!" she threatens. Toomin hesitates and turns to see the multiple cameras and scripts.

          "Don't you even think about it…" Gem growls. Toomin swings his head back from the display to Gem. Display. Gem. Display. Gem. Display. Gem. 

          "You know, I don't think KAA even wrote the last book." He says. Gem lights up.

          "You know what I think? KAA's not even a women!"

          "Wow, really?"

          "Yeah, I mean every female character was either sappy or psychotic!"

          "You know that actually makes some sense!" Toomin says.

          "Really? I mean if she weren't a chauvinistic male, than she would try to promote feminism right?" Gem says enthusiastically.

          "Uh…yeah she would! I think Scholastic's full of these freaks out to get us readers by warping favorite series. Why else would they have ended Everworld prematurely?" Toomin feeds Gem's conspiracy machine.

          "Oh don't even get me started on Everworld…" she goes on to ramble anyway and Toomin nods his head occasionally saying 'uh-huh', 'you don't say?',  and 'that's crazy!'. 

          "You know, what? I can hear you better when you face that wall." he interrupts her.

          "Really?" she says.

          "Oh yeah." He says.  Gem shrugs and turns to face the wall. 

          "I beginning to think it's a conspiracy, maybe even set up by JK Rowling's lawyers. That's why they ended two very successful series. You see over there they have…." As she chatters on, Toomin sends a e-mail to Ryan. Then he goes and begins un-installing all the programs.  Just to be sure he writes a virus to demolish whatever's left. He scoots out of his chair and gets up. Then he begins to creep up to Gem, eye on the vial. 

          "….which brings me  back to my first point." Gem turns around just in time.

          "Uh….yeah…" Toomin says in startle. Gem stares at him and then spots the computer. 

          "AH!" she notices the skull and cross bones on the screen. She sprints to the computer and tries to salvage the machine. With a resounding  'beeeeeuuuuuu' the computer dies. Gem glowers at Toomin and raises the vial in her hand.

          "Nooooooooooooooo!!!" Toomin yells. Gem raises her hand and then stops.

          "Oh wait a minute." She pulls out a device and clicks a button called 'slow mo'. Toomin nods.

          "Noooooooooooo!!" he yells in a lower voice, as Gem raises her hand up and slams the vial downward. Toomin dives as the vial tumbles in the air.

          "Ahahahahahahahaaa…." Gem laughs evilly in a low voice. Toomin, still diving, reaches for the vial. 

SMASH!! The twinkling of broken glass as the vial breaks into a thousand pieces. Gem clicks the device again, bringing them back to normal motion.

          "NOOOO!!! My immortality!!!!" he weeps over the spilt mojo. He inspects it closer.

          " Ah you bitch! You had to go  and—Oh, wait a minute, never mind it's still intact." He says and reaches down to touch it.

          "Oh really?" Gem bends down.

"Yeah see, it' still pink." He points out. 

" Hold a sec then." Gem goes and picks up Britz's bottle and pours the contents on the mojo.

          "Okay _now my immortality is lost." He frowns. _

          "Eh, and so is my computer. Eye for an eye."

          "Okay, I'm gonna go back to my underground rebellion if you don't mind." Toomin thumbs towards the grate.

          "Fine, I think I'll just go and watch the show." Gem says. 

          "See ya at the finale." Toomin says as he eases himself into the air duct.

          "Bye." Gem waves. 

Backstage…..

          "That almost ready Ryan?" Akisis bends down and looks at the computer screen. Ryan taps a few more keys then clicks 'save'.

          "Done." He turns around and says. The guys, woozy but all right, cheer.

          "Excellent!" she says. Suddenly, the grating underneath her feet pops up. Toomin crawls out.

          "Well…..I did it….." he says and brushes himself off. 

          "That's great!" Akisis sits up and says. She then notices the long face.

          "What happened?" she asks in concern. Toomin sighs.

          "I'll never have my capital letters back now….." Ryan and Akisis nod slowly. Wayne goes and pats him on the back. 

          "Cheer up, we're getting Len back soon anyway…." Ryan whispers. Toomin looks up.

          "Oh really?" he asks. Ryan shows him the ending. They smile. 

          "So…..are we ready?" Chip asks. Akisis stares at the TV screen. Lenalaye sits at her desk, dismissing the camera and goofing off.

          "Smile all you like, this will be your last fic….." Akisis says to the TV. She turns to the guys.

          "All right, now's the time to go. Ryan, open up the transfer…"

          "All right! Time to rock and roll!" Brad says. Everyone looks at him.

          "What?" They all shake their heads and file out. Akisis follows. Ryan opens up the transfer and slowly rises out of his chair. He pulls away from the computer and goes to the door. He looks back and then hurries out. The room is empty and the camera focuses on the TV screen with Lenalaye smiling so innocently, unknowing of the undoing that is afoot….

*************************************************************

          Uh-oh! Heheheheee you know what that means…..battle's gonna happen. Lots of cool fight scenes! Not to mention the awesome climax to this fic…..all on the next episode of  Animorphs Invades Whose Line is it Anyway?: The Invasion Continues…..

The games I mentioned were mostly from the first episode in case you're wondering what the I was talking about.

PS: Sorry to any Republicans who read this. I don't think Gore would have done any better, (really I want Clinton back)  but Bush is so easy to ridicule. 


	10. Start Up the Commotion!

          Ugh! Sorry, I am so preoccupied with this one other fic I almost totally forgot this one. *sigh* better wrap things up! Two more chpts should do the trick….

          Again, the guys of Linkin Park are not mine (only in my wildest fantasies…) 

          Thanks as well to Momo, Air Wolf, Akisis  and EllimistGirl 

          PS: Dan Patterson is the Executive Producer of _Whose Line is it Anyway?_

*************************************************************

 With the rebels….

          Akisis looks around. Ryan, Greg, Chip, Brad, Wayne, Drew and Toomin are gathered around. 

          "Ryan, are you ready or what?" Ryan Stiles pops up in front.

          "Yeah, hey what's up with her?" he says pointing to Lenalaye who throws up a bundle of cards. Akisis smiles wickedly.

          "I think she's running out of muse magic. Hehehehee," she says rubbing her hands together, "perfect time to strike." Wayne turns to Ryan.

          "Hey, what kind of ending did you write anyway?" he asks Ryan. Ryan darts his eyes.

          "Uh….you'll see…." Lenalaye begins slamming her head on the desk. 

          "Okay Ryan! Do it now! Upload the chpt!" Aksis urges and Ryan immediately does so. The others clench their fists and gear up to see what happens on-stage. The lights black out.

          "Great!" Akisis cheers. 

          "Oh not again! This is so freakin cliché!" Lenalaye yells. Everyone stays in suspended darkness.

          "Now what happens Ryan?" Chip asks eagerly as a few seconds pass by uneventfully. Ryan begins to sweat. 

          "Well?" Drew asks. 

          "Uh…ur…um…." Ryan stutters, everyone looks at him.

          "Ryan….you did write an ending didn't you?" Aksis says in a dangerous voice. Ryan begins breathing hard. 

          "RYAN YOU IDIOT!!!" Brad yells. 

          "I WROTE AN ENDING!" Ryan yells out in defense.

          "THEN WHY ISN'T ANYTHING HAPPENING??!" Akisis screams, tearing her hair out.

          "I wrote an ending! I just….didn't have enough time to write a connecting piece…" he says sheepishly. 

          "Why not?!" Akisis yells in his face. Ryan puts his hands up to defend himself.

          "I just couldn't figure out what to do! My mind wandered off…."

          "I'll say." Greg mutters. Akisis smacks her face in frustration.

          "You could have put anything! A sentence! Anything would have done the trick!"

          "That's not good writing etiquette! Just throwing things together like that…." Drew smacks Ryan on the upside of the head.

          "Writing etiquette?! This is a humor fic! Who cares?!!" 

          "Uhh…guys…" Wayne taps their shoulders and points to Lenalaye, Air Wolf and Momo Claus all holding lanterns. 

          "Couldn't write a connecting piece….," Len laughs, "you stupid rebels!" 

          "More like stupid muses!" Air Wolf and her multiple inner demons laugh. Christopher comes forward, bearing his tiny meercat fists in a boxing-like fashion.

          "What?! I'm a perfectly good muse! You come here ya bitches I'll show yaaaaaaaa!" Air Wolf punts Christopher further into the wings of the set.

          "What do you say? Put them into slash fics now?" Momo asks. 

          "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Ryan, Drew, Chip, Greg, Wayne, Toomin and Akisis cry out in unison. 

          "Mwuahahahahahhaaaa!" Len laughs evilly. Air Wolf stares at her.

          "You call that an evil laugh? That's not how you laugh evilly.  This is how you laugh evilly. Bwuaahahahhahaaa!"

          "Phff that was hardly evil." Len scoffs.

          "It was perfectly evil!" Air Wolf defends.

          "No it was more like mischievous than evil." Momo interjects.

          "Really? I was thinking it just sounded demented rather than evil." Len says.

          "It was evil!" Air Wolf yells out.

          "The hell it was evil! Mwuahahhahaaa!" Len says and tries out her laugh.

          "No, no Len it's too flat. You got to have a slight chuckle in there." Momo advises.

          "Chuckle? That's for hearty laughing not for evil laughing. You have to have a sort of misty tone. That way you sound creepy, therefore evil." Len decides.

          "No, no, no! Evil laughter must sound powerful and all encompassing. You want to surround the person with your evilness." Air Wolf differs.

          "Naw you got is all wrong! It must be clear-cut and strike the person cold in their hearts. Or somethin' like that…."  says Momo  

          "Another thing, when you laugh you have to climb the scale so that by the end you're all high-pitched, like Lord Voldemorte." Air Wolf adds. Momo gasps and drops her lantern.

          "You said You-Know-Who's name!" she cries out. 

          "Oh grow up!" Air Wolf rolls her eyes.

          "What's important with evil laughter is that you find just the right type for you. That way you laugh for several seconds to the point where its maniacal. ." Len says.

          "You know what Len, you're right. Let's all try out our evil laughs!" Air Wolf declares. 

          "Mwuahahahhahahaa!"

          "Bwuahahahahhaa!"

          "Hehehehehhehahahahhaahahahaaa!" The three writers laugh.

          "Momo you sound like an old weeny guy, try to buff it out a bit." Len says. 

          "Ahahahhahaaa!"

          "That's better."

          "Mwuahahahahhahaa!"

          "Bwuahahahhahaa!"

          "Ahahahhahahaa!" they go on for several seconds till they're gasping for air. 

          "Okay, now that we've perfected our evil laughs," Len turns back to the rebels, "You will incur my awesome, powerful, merciless —" she realizes she's talking to empty space.

          "They got away!" Air Wolf exclaims. 

          "Those rotten kids!" Len shakes her fist after them.

          "That's not the proper way to curse your enemy when he escapes you, you do it like this, with your fist held high." Air Wolf demonstrates. 

          "Like this?" Len raises her fist 

          "Like this!" Air Wolf does it with emphasis.

          "No, no, no that's like a victory hand raise!" Momo complains, "You need to twist your face too, look all mean and scary. Arrr!" She demonstrates. 

          "Not 'Arrr!' it's 'Grrrrr!' evil people are always growling." Len corrects. 

          "So you put your fist up like this and go 'Arrr!'" Air Wolf concludes.

          "No, no, no you put your fist down lower, bend your elbow and you don't just say 'Arrr!' you say 'Arrr those rotten kids!'" Len declares.

          "Okay, okay let's try this again. Together now…" Air Wolf says.

          "Arrrr! Those rotten kids!" they all says and grimace in unison.

          "You know I really think we should change that phrase, I mean they're older than we are!" Momo complains. Len rolls her eyes.

          "Okay then we change it to 'Arrr those rotten rebels!'"

          "I think 'cursed' works better than 'rotten'." Air Wolf comments.

          "Really? I suppose but 'rotten rebels' has a ring to it." Len says. 

          "Okay, once again."

          " Arrr those cursed rebels!" they all say.

          "That was perfect!" Momo exclaims.

          "Umm….master…I really think…" Odrin tugs at Len's jeans. 

          "Huh?"

          "Those cursed rebels have been on the run for five minutes!" Odrin exclaims. Len's eyes widen.

          "Damn!" she curses and grinds her fist into her hand.

          "Well at least we perfected our laughs. Ahahahahhaaaa!" Momo says giddily.

          " To the Conference Room! We need to have a meeting…" Len announces.

          "We have a Conference Room?" Air Wolf asks.

          "Not yet, but don't tell that to Dan Patterson!" Len says sneakily. 

          "Bwuahahahhaaa!"

          "Mwuauahahahhaha!"

          "Ahahahhahaaaaa!"

************************************************************* 

          "Argh! What are we supposed to do now?" Chip stresses.

          "Why doesn't Ryan just re-write the chpt, with a connecting sentence inserted and re-post it?" Wayne reasons.

          "I don't have my muse! I can't write without a muse!" Ryan runs his hands through his hair.

          "C'mon Ryan I mean it's not like he actually did anything other than provide us with that one memorable scene where he got turned into a meercat." Toomin consoles Ryan. Akisis too, places a hand on Ryan's shoulder.

          "A muse isn't everything Ryan. They can only amplify the magic. The real writer's magic comes from within you. You can't see it, or touch it, but it's there. You just have to, close your eyes and search for it. If you have no magic to believe in, believe in the magic inside of you.  A muse can't tell you what kind of writer you are, it can only bring it out, you have to recognize it.   A muse can only open the door, it is you, Ryan Stiles who has to walk through it. Sometimes that door is closed. Maybe it's bolted shot by iron fastenings of frustration and stress but---"

          "Okay! We get the idea! Enough with those worn-out movie slogans!" Greg says and grips the sides of his head. Akisis falls silent.

          "All right," Ryan breaths, "I'll do my best." he says and everyone gives a nod of  approval to him. Ryan sighs heavily, picks up the laptop  and begins typing away. 

***********************************************************************************

 Meanwhile with Lenalaye….

          Lenalaye sits in a chair, decked out in a formal business suit. Her hair is tied up in a bun. She twirls the swivel chair with her high-heel shoes and looks expectantly towards the door. Sure enough it opens and six young guys come in. 

          "I've got the shampoo!" Chester holds up a bottle.

          "Conditioner right here!" Mike holds up another one. 

          "You're gonna need a towel…" Rob holds it up.

          "Not to mention some water…" Joe hauls in a hose. Phoenix and Brad take Lenalaye and spin her around a few times. Lenalaye giggles and removes the bobby pins in her hair. 

          "Len I **urge you to get this fic done!" someone off-stage says. **

          "Urge? _Urge….." Her hair tumbles down and the commercial begins. _

          "I've got the urge….." Len starts to sing.

          "She's got the urge for herbal!" Chester sings and starts washing her hair. 

          "She'll stay in the shower for another half an hour!" Mike raps and rubs in the conditioner. 

          "That's not how you wash a pretty girl's hair you dumbass!" Joe shoves Mike out of the way and takes over.

          "Ohhh you DJs have such strong hands…." Len swoons. 

          "Hey guys, smell how great the herbal scent is…" Rob says and they all lean in close and smell Len's hair. 

          _Lenalaye….._

          "Lalalallalalalalaaa……urge for herbal….." Len sings in ecstasy. 

          _Lenalaye….._

          "You know Phoenix, you should keep that facial hair off." she says.

          "You don't like it, it's gone!" he says. 

          _Lenalaye….. _

          "Oh, I believe I missed a spot…" Chester says and rubs the shampoo, leaning in extra close. 

SLAM! 

          "Ah!" Lenalaye wakes with a start from her daydream. EllimistGirl stands in the door.

          "Lenalaye if you're ready to talk about that battle plan…" she says.

          "Goddamit! I was in the middle of the best teenage girl fantasy…" Len frowns and says. 

          "The Herbal Essence Commercial with Linkin Park?" she guesses. Len leans back in chair and drools.

          " Oh yeah…." EllimistGirl laughs.

          "Hehhehee yeah, they can wash my hair anytime. Now about those pesky rebels…" she drops a heavy file down on the desk.. Len leans forward and taps her fingertips together, narrowing her eyes.

          "Yes, they just won't do…" 

                "The other betas and I had the idea of not just using your own brilliant energies and muse-magic, but another ingredient. A resource so large and practically infinite….." EllimistGirl says. 

          "Oh?" Len leans back in her chair and kicks her Dr. Martens up on the desk.  

          "It's really quite simple…we use characters. From every category and series we can call upon…." Len raises an eyebrow. 

          "Wow, that sounds like a good idea! You know all my fave shows and games and books. Add your own too," she takes her feet off of the desk.

          "Too bad we don't have Linkin Park's phone number." EllimistGirl sighs. Len's eyes go droopy.

          "Oh if I had Linkin Park's phone number…………..lalallalala urrrrge for herbal……" Len starts singing absently, wrapped up in her fantasy again. EllimistGirl clicks her fingers.

          "Huh? Wha?" Len snaps awake.

          "I'm going to get on that gathering of characters task, k?" EllimistGirl says and leaves. The door slams shut  and Len turns around in her chair to face the wall. The camera turns around to  get a shot of her face. 

          "Mwuahahhaa….this will be a battle those rebels will never forget….." she says in an evil villain's voice. 

*************************************************************

Back with the rebels….

          Ryan, Wayne, Brad, Chip, Drew, Greg, Toomin and Akisis all sit in the room. 

          "I've got it!" Ryan exclaims.

          "Whoohoo!" Toomin cheers. 

          "Well upload it already!" Drew says in agitation. Ryan gets that mysterious, actor look in his eyes.

          "No, not here, not now." he says. 

          "Why not?" Brad asks. Ryan stands up, closes the laptop and holds his head up high.

          "I want to see the look on that Lenalaye's face when I institute the ending and bring her dream down into a spiraling crash. I want to see that look in her eyes when she gets that pang of guilt for having made us suffer in this god awful piece of fanfiction. I want to taste that sweet, sorely needed taste of revenge!!" Everyone just stares at him.

          "Okay, whatever." Wayne says. 

          All of our rebel heroes emerge from the room, all in slow mo. "Start Up the Commotion" by the Wise Guys plays in the background.  They continue outwards towards the set, walking in a slow, methodical, but purposeful way. Ryan leads them, a defiant look in his eyes, his laptop secured in his right arm. The camera goes to Akisis who smiles wickedly and looks forward with the same steely look as Ryan. It pans over to Greg, Drew, Toomin, Wayne and Chip who all wear similar  looks of resilience. The camera goes to Brad who's picking his nose. Ryan turns and gives Brad and inexplicable look of revulsion and disbelief. Brad quickly straightens up and puts on his own rebel face. The group continues out to the set and the camera goes to their backs, as they are silhouetted in the face of bright, new stage lights. The camera turns around and gets a look of their faces. Everyone of them frozen in disbelief. 

          "Well, well, well if it isn't the cursed rebels. Come to spoil my fun will you? Well I'd like to introduce to my friends. My few,_ thousand friends…." The rebels tremble as they gaze upon the myriad of characters from assorted games, movies, TV shows and books. Link swings his sword while Neo stands solidly, his hands itching to pull out his weaponry. The entire cast of __Farscape, __Futurama and __The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy stand poised with various futuristic weapons. Harry Potter and quite of few other witches and wizards wave their wands dangerously. _

          Drode, Colin, Jake and David get out of their seats and wade through the pool of characters. 

          "Hey, hey! Watch who's feet your stepping on…" Lord Asriel glowers at Colin. The rebel cast is finally complete. Ryan pulls out his laptop, opens it and logs on. He dangles his finger above the 'enter' key.

          "Accio!" Hermione says and the laptop flies out of Ryan's hands.

          "So much for wining with style." he says and shrugs. Hermione hands the laptop to Lenalaye who passes her own to Air Wolf. She tosses and balances Ryan's computer, smiling smugly. 

          "You see Ryan, one of the virtues of a good writer is to be able to write things on the spot. Another point of ettiquet. When writing you set out the rough draft of the fic and _then add the flourish! MWUahahahhaaa your collective foibles have delivered this fic into my hands! Muwhahahahaa!"_

          "Oh no! What are we going to do! That laugh sounded pretty evil…" Toomin comments with a trembling voice.

          "Well," Akisis gulps, "I guess we'll all have to fight to the end." she says heavily. 

          "Yeah right! I'm so outta here!" Drode folds his hands and bonks his head, disappearing ala _I Dream of Genie. _

          "Okay, so  _some of us are going to fight to the end." Akisis corrects herself._

          "You're damn right! ANIMROPHS ASSEMBBBBBBLE!!!!" Jake call out in a grand voice.

POOF!  
          "You rang oh fearless leader?" Marco says as he and the others appear in a cloud of purple smoke.

          "Look, we have to foil this fic and do it quickly!" Jake says, pounding his hand. Ax swivels  his eyes around and scans the impressive opposition.

          Prince Jake, I don't want to alarm you but we could seriously be killed! he yells. He gallops forward and takes Jake's collar in his weak hands. Killed! Jake throws him off.

          "Yeah Jake, I mean, I know we all miss the old days but frankly I've gotten a little too used to sitting on my ass and not doing anything." Marco says.

          "Yeah, even I'm not all that interested. I mean c'mon! I'm not gonna try and kick Trinity's ass. I don't have the leather!" Rachel says. 

          "Look guys, we have to do this. It's the right thing to do!" Jake says, trying to evoke their empathy. 

          "Eh." Cassie shrugs.

          "Okay, look at it like this: This is an Animorphs fic right?"

          "Yeah." Tobias says. 

          "Well??? We've barely been in it! C'mon, you're not seriously going to let all these other characters take over _our fic now are you? I think even KAA agrees!" Indeed, KAA pops out of nowhere._

          "You're damn right! I may suck at endings but that doesn't mean you all have to!" she encourages. She then shuffles up to Jake.

          "Ehem." She coughs and Jake sighs, pulling out a huge bag with a $ on it. 

          "Thank you." She says, folds her arms and bonks her head, disappearing.

          "So now we have the Animorphs on our side. So what! That's seventeen of us and seventeen thousand of them! " Drew stresses.

          "You forget, I'm here too!" President Bush appears out of nowhere.

          "Ya! We've got the monkey man!" David cheers. Bush smiles with a little grape pie filing still left on his face.

          "What can he do? I mean c'mon, the guy's bad luck! Look what happened to America!" Brad says. 

          "Oh get off it! He has powerful speeches. And a funny face!" Akisis says. Bush does an idiotic smile of his.

          "That will most certainly confuse the enemy." Toomin deduces. 

          "Momo you take that faction, Air Wolf the other, Elli you take the one on the far right and I'll lead the center." She Len directs her generals.

          "Okay, so we've got the combined cast, David, the Animorphs, myself , Toomin and Monkey Man." Akisis tallies. They all stare out at Lenalaye hovering demonically above her personal army of fiction.

          Lenalaye raises her hand, her lips move to utter the command.

          "We're toast." Says Colin.

*************************************************************

          Hahahhaaa! Too bad to leave you hangin'. Don worry the next chapter is going to be  a blowout. It'll be the crossover of the new millennium! R/R and see you there!

          Also sorry to have put you through that hormone driven Herbal Essence fantasy ehheheheeeee!


	11. Round 1: Momo Claus vs Rachel

Whoohoo! Time for the most unforgettable chpt since chpt 9! SO ARE YOU READY??!!!

Thanks to every author who allowed me to use them in this fic 

Also, as a note, I think it's obvious that not a single character, person or whatever I use here is of my own creation (that's just to save space for all the disclaimers I would have to put for each individual character!)

Hey! Here's a fun thing, just play 'Start up the Commotion' by the Wise Guys over and over again while reading this because that's what I did while writing it! ( don't ask why I used it, blame the _Zoolander trailers)   
  
************************************************************************************_

"ATAAAAAAAAAAAACK!" Lenalaye screams wickedly. 

"Okay, you Ryan, Tobias Ax and I will go after Lenalaye's army," Akisis says as the wall of characters come hurtling towards them,

"Jake, David, Toomin and Brad go after Air Wolf's army," the characters come nearer,

"Rachel, Wayne, Drew, Marco and Bush go after Momo's army," they can all practically feel the breath of the characters now,

"Colin, Chip, Greg and Cassie go after EllimistGirl's army," Akisis turns right around and screams,

"RUUUUUUUUUUUUN!" The groups split off to their respective armies. The battle is on.

************************************************************************************

Momo Claus vs. Rachel 

          The rebel group is chased for a few minutes throughout the studio. 

          "Awww crap we need to hide Rachel, so we can think up something!" Marco says. Rachel snorts but starts searching for a place.

          "Hey, look!" Drew points to a room, "let's go there!" Rachel shrugs and karate kicks the door. Bush, Marco, Wayne and Drew rush into the dark room. As they close it, we can hear the thundering of the army rushing by. The rebels quietly edge towards the back of the dark room. 

          "Gosh darnit we shouldn't be hiding in some closet! Americans are not a cowardly people!" Bush mutters angrily. 

          "Shut up monkey face! Unless you want to expend one person who will probably end up just kicking some camel in the butt." Marco sneers. Bush just gapes at Marco. 

          "C'mon guys we need to do _something!" Wayne stresses._

          "Hiding in a closet is something." Marco says.

          "Now you listen here Marcus---" Bush says.

          "I'm also called Marco." Says Marco, narrowing his eyes.

          "If you're going to be part of the team, you're going to have to pull some of your weight mister, and that means not being______!"  The president expresses some forbidden profanity. 

          "Mister President!" Wayne exclaims.

          "Wait a minute! I think I've got something!" Drew rushes over to a rack. He searches for a few seconds and clicks on a light. 

          "Hey Rachel," Drew beckons to her as he crouches down for something. She comes over and Drew pops up with a hot red cocktail dress. Then a large cage, followed by handcuffs.

          "Oh wow I'm lovin' this plan already…" Marco grins.

          "I am so not putting that on for you!" Rachel says, looking at the dress. She then turns and scowls at the rest of the guys, "_Any of you." _

          "No, no, no! Listen, I saw a lot of male characters  in that army that was chasing us. You, Rachel, can be the bait  in this dress and," he goes on to whisper the rest of the plan to her. Rachel presses her lips into a line.

          "Hmmmm….I dunno," she holds the dress up to herself.

          "C'mon Rachel, you look gorgeous! None of those characters will be able to resist you!" Wayne encourages. Rachel gets a dangerous smile on her face.

          "Let's do it." 

          Momo sits on her terrier muse and ponders.

          "Hmmmm….probably disappeared down one of these  corridors. But it's dark and I'm not sure  where it goes…." She taps her chin with a finger. She scans her little army. 

          "You guys!" she points at the Harry Potter characters which consists of Harry, Ron, Snape,  Lupin and Draco,

          "Go on ahead and if you see them, just do that freezing curse or whatever. I want them brought back alive, k?" The guys nod and pull out their wands. They go on down the corridor, 

          "Lumos." One by one they light their wands. A few steps forward and then their wands cast something very surprising in their glow.

          "Hey boys…what brings you down this way?" Rachel says in the cocktail dress with matching , saucy pumps. Snape, Harry, Lupin and Draco's jaws all hang wide open. Ron drops his wand with an audible clatter.

          "Awwhwooooooooooo!" Lupin does a wolfish howl. 

          "Is that a veela?" Harry wonders.

          "I don't know Harry but I really don't care." Ron says and bends down to get his wand, never taking his eyes off Rachel. Rachel does a sort of  valley girl giggle.

          "Oh you boys!"  The guys just stand there a moment. Snape is the first one to bolt towards her. He takes Rachel in his arms and dips her down.

          "Is that your wand in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?" Rachel forces herself to say.

          "Mmmmmmhmmmm very much so…." He says and strokes her hair. He leans closer to whisper in her ear,

          "How about you and I go down to my labyrinth," he coos, " I can show you some of my love potions, not that we'll be needing them…" Snape chuckles darkly. 

          "Oooff!" Snape is shoved out of the way, clutching his stomach.

          "She wants a young buck like me you old greaseball!" Draco snaps at him then turns back to Rachel,

          "Isn't that right my darling?" He takes Rachel's arm and kisses it up to her cheek ala _The Adams Family . Suddenly, Draco goes flying into the air and Lupin  sidles up to Rachel, his wand hand holding Draco at bay._

          "You know, they say werewolves are supposed to be really great in—aaaaaaaahh!" Lupin gets fried by Draco's wand. Draco lands with a harsh thud on the ground. He quickly gets to his feet and  takes Rachel in his arms again. That is,  until Ron sends him  flying in the other direction.  Harry rushes to catch Rachel before she hits the ground.

          "Hia, ever dated a bonafide hero?" Harry smiles.

          "Oh that is so like you Harry! I do the work and you get the credit! Big hero gets the girl while the faithful friend gets shoved to a side, huh? Well I'm not taking that anymore!" Ron aims his wand at Harry, a murderous glint in his eye. Harry narrows his look at him and sets Rachel aside. 

          "You got a problem with me Weasel?" he says and takes out his own wand. 

          "Crucio!" they both shout at the same time,  frying each other for several seconds, before collapsing on the ground. Wayne and Marco come out and drag the twitching wizards into the cage. Rachel goes and collects their wands.

          "Uh-uh naughty boys shouldn't be playing with sticks." She says in a silky voice and shakes the bundle of wands at them. Rachel and her teammates laugh.

          "The rest of the plan going into action?" Wayne asks.

          "I'm on it, stellar….performance Rachel." Bush says, his eyes lingering on Rachel a little longer than they should. Rachel rolls her eyes and taps herself with one of the wands so that she is back in comfortable cloths.

          "Man I am never going to let that image of you slip my mind Rachel." Marco says, smiling.

          "Oh yes you are." Rachel says and whacks  him with a wand. Blue and green sparks fly as it happens. Marco suddenly gets a panicked look in his eyes.

          "I…whaa…..what happened???" he says, looking around wildly. Drew drags the cage back into the empty room and shuts it. 

          "Okay, now for phase two." He says, rubbing his hands as they all follow Bush.

          Momo twiddles her thumbs and whistles. The rest of her characters sit around, bored out of their minds.  Suddenly, her eyes catch something. 

          "*Gasp* You brought them back!" she beings to cheer and the other characters look up. Then Bush emerges out of the shadows. 

          "Huh?" Momo stares.      

          "Your characters will be along in just a moment but I've written up a little speech in the meantime…" he begins to unfold a piece of paper. A resounding groan is uttered from the army . 

          "Buck up fellows! This is the prez after all!" Momo says as she jumps off her terrier muse,  "Go on." she nods towards Bush. Bush clears his throat,

          "My fellow characters of fanficdom: In light of these recent events, I think that there is one feeling that sums up all the emotional turmoil we have been experiencing…" The characters share a confused look. Bush pretends to look like he understands what he's saying. He goes to page two of his speech, obviously scrawled alternately in Wayne and Marco's handwriting. 

          "That feeling, of course, is weariness. To quote from an excellent song, 'I'm sick of the tension, sick of the hunger, sick of you acting like I owe you this. Find another place to feed you greed, while I find a place to rest.'

          "This is America and here we don't stand for tyranny. We are a nation of freedom, understanding, group work and social upheaval if need be. I say, will you do something when you can stand idle and let those who are actually causing the conflict duke it out in an awesome, three day, Battle Royale to the Death??"  Bush speaks, saying the last part loud and in a slightly confused tone. The characters begin to murmur to each other, Momo swings her head around, an uneasy look upon her face. Bush works up more confidence.

          "I say, are you not, as Americans, entitled to sit on your butts and do nothing? Is that not what this nation was fought for? The right to not participate in revolutions or other people's wars, but to kick back, pop a Sprite and watch the Power Puff Girls? Or some other fine cable programming?" The characters begin nodding to each other, their mutterings grow louder and more rebellious. Bush discards his speech.

          " And another excerpt from the song, 'I wanna be with the energy, not with the enemy,  a place for my head!' You know what's a place for your head? On your pillow as you sleep in late!" The crowd gives a mighty cheer.

          "Laziness yea WHOHOO!" Fry from Futurama shouts.

          "Revolution, sit on my ass hmmm….which one involves more beer?" Bender from the same series asks.

          "Duh," Tyler from In a Heartbeat says, "Sitting on your butt!" 

          "All right then!" Bender cheers and pops open a beer. Momo begins to shake.

          "Uhh…guys, you know what, how about you go attack him? Go on! You heard me! Sick'em!" Momo orders. 

          "You know what? Why don't you just shut up!" Byron from Andy Richter Controls the Universe says. Momo huddles to herself.

          " Ohhh….this is throwing my entire day off! I can't handle a rebellion…especially from In a Heartbeat characters!" she moans. Bush stands up tall,

          "So what do you say?! Do you wanna be with the energy or with the enemy?!!" he shouts. The crowd cheers loudly, then lapses into confused sounds and questions.

          "The energy folks." He whispers to them.

          "WE WANNA BE WITH THE ENERGY! NOT WITH THE ENEMY!!" they scream the chant. 

          "Oh boy…" Momo begins to slip away, trying to inconspicuous.

          "ENERGY! ENERGY! ENERGY!" the army  hoots.

          "SO WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO NOW?!" Bush yells.

          "SIT ON OUR BUTTS!" they answer.

          "AND WHERE ARE YOU GONNA DO IT?!" Bush asks.  
          "There's a nice Hotel Western down the street…." Arthur Dent from The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy. Bush leans in.

          "Outside the studio…" he whispers  again then pulls back.

          "I SAID, WHERE ARE YOU GONNA SIT ON YOUR BUTTS?!" Bush repeats.

          "OUTSIDE THE STUDIO!!!" the crowd screams back.  

          "WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR?!!" he hollers. 

          "YAAAAAAA!!!!" the excited crowd races towards the exits.

          "AHHHHH!" Momo ducks and covers as the crowd thunders  past. She remains that way for a while, until Marco comes and taps her on the shoulder. 

          "YA!" she jumps up and Marco falls back. 

          "Whoa there, we're not gonna hurt you." he says as he gets up. Momo looks around wildly.

          "My army! They're all gone!"  she exclaims, then looks around some more,

          "And so's my muse!" she screams.

          "The pupper is here." Wayne says, and Momo looks to see her shrunken terrier muse cradled  in Wayne's arms.  Momo runs over and hugs him.

          "Oh thank goodness!" she cuddles him.

          "Ehem." Rachel clears her throat. Momo looks up.

          "Sorry, do you need a cough drop ?" Momo asks. 

          "No. Are you ready to renounce yourself?" she asks. Momo frowns.

          " I dunno….I can't betray Lenalaye! She's my friend!" Drew comes up to her,

          "Look, we're not going to hurt her, we're just going to end her fic." He explains.

          "But this means so much to her! She always has trouble with series and when she does one right she's so happy! I can't take that away from her!" Momo argues.

          "Look at it this way. This fic has been going on for more than a year. She's been updating it in sporadic bunches. It's time she ends it or else the same thing that happened to the Animorphs will happen to her." Marco says.

          "She'll try to ram a Blade Ship?" Momo says, eyebrow raised in confusion.

          "No, no, no! It'll start to suck! People will go out of character and she'll forget the 'thread' of things. She'll lose sight of what she was trying to accomplish in the first place." Marco clarifies.

"See it as a mercy ending." Wayne adds. Momo rocks her little muse and ponders.

          "Well….I guess you're kinda right. It _has been dragging on for too long and I wouldn't want her to end up like KAA did." The others look expectantly at her._

          "Oh all right, I surrender." She declares. Wayne pushes a snow globe out into the scene.

          "Just to make sure you don't back stab us. Get in the snow globe." Momo looks around and sighs.

          "This really isn't my day! But wow! Lookie at the snow flakes!" she says as the door opens up. The water magically doesn't flow out as the terrier charges in and Momo after it. The door is closed and Momo begins to float and swirl.

          "Heeeeeeey this is kiiiiiiiinda fun! Wheeeeehheee!" she says as she spins around. Rachel comes out in Grizzly morph. She rocks the snow globe around.

          "Whoaaaaaaaaahoooooahhhhhhwhoaaaaaaa!" Momo says as she is sent tumbling inside.

          Hey! This is really fun! Rachel says as she watches Momo turn and flip. 

          "Uh….Rachel?" Marco tugs at Rachel's fur.

          What?! she asks angrily. 

          "  Ohhhh now I don't feel so good!…." Momo groans from inside. 

          "Remember, Ax?" Marco prompts Rachel.

          Huh? Oh yea! she sets the globe down much to Momo's relief. Rachel closes her eyes.

          "I'm getting naseous!…." Momo continues

          Yo Ax! This is Rachel! We've got one general down! Tell the others that Momo and her army are out of the game and when they overthrow their own generals to bring them to the ABC main lobby! Do you copy?

          24 hours a day, 7 days a week, IN COOOOOOLOOOR! Ax responds.

          "Oh man, he sneaked some Cinnabons didn't he?" Marco stresses.

          "I'm gonna throw up!…." Momo cries out.

          I knew that stupid portable kareokee machine of his was hollow! Rachel says and slams the snow globe again.

           "Whaaaaaaa!" Momo cries from inside. 

          Anyway, Ax, if any of the others need extra firepower, have them contact us! Roger that? Rachel adds.

          No Rachel, its Ax, not Roger! Ax replies giddily.

          "That boy got some serious issues." Wayne says and shakes his head.

          "Speaking of issues, where's Bush?" Drew asks.  They all look around.

          "Yeaaaaaaaaaaaah!" Bush comes flying in and crashes into the snow globe.

          "I HAAAATE YOOOOOOOOOOU!" Momo shakes her fists as she turns a very sickly green. Bush picks himself up and brushes himself off.

          " Man, now I know how Chaeny feels… you okay there Mister Prez?" Drew asks as he helps dust the president off.

          "What happened? Did Gore finally decide to open up a can of Whoop Ass on you?" Marco jokes.

          Oohhh yess….my precious…all for Axy… won't let that monkey eat you…. Ax's thought-speak is heard. Wayne shakes his head and puts a hand on Bush's shoulder.

          "Told you man, like we said in chpt 9, you don't get between Ax and a cinnamon bun." Bush hunches over. 

          "Yea, yea…let's just get over to the lobby…" he grumbles. The others laugh.

"That's out Bush!" Wayne says and they continue to laugh. Then, Momo presses herself up against the glass and turns her mouth open like a fish. 

          "I like fishes cuz they're so delicious! Gonna go fishing! I could eat them everyday and my mom says that's okay!" she sings as the others stare.

          "Is there more than water in there?" Drew asks as he thumbs towards the snow globe. 

          "If there is, I don't think it could screw up a true fanfic author like Momo here any further." Rachel answers. They all laugh and start shoving the snow globe towards the ABC lobby, Momo singing mysteriously the entire way. 

*************************************************************

          Momo's just got a song in her heart doesn't she? Well, the other rounds will be coming up soon! Any particular character you would like to see show up? Name the series, book, game whatever. Hopefully I'll know it. Just in case, do a little write up on them and I'll work from that. R/R and peace out! NARF!

I'll try to be better on updating! I promise!


	12. Round 2: EllimistGirl vs Colin

          Exams are over! Exams are over! WHEEEEEHEEEEE!

          Wow, did you know this fic has taken me over a year to do? Man, seems only just yesterday I was at the Convention beginning this. Well, we'll do the rest of the battles and then finish up the ending. Sorry this has taken me so long, it was a super busy year and a super busy summer. But now, I'm having a non-trip summer so I'll be able to write more. Well, let's get this chpt under way! 

Thanks for course to EllimistGirl for letting me use you here (and the idea for what I should do with you!).

I only own the idea (most of it anyway), nothing else.

          Three times the length to make up for all the time I spent on school! Have fun!

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Round 2

EllimistGirl vs. Colin ( and Chip, Greg , Cassie)

          The four run for their lives. They bank down a corridor.

          "Cassie! Can you turn into a horse and give us all a ride?" Chip asks breathlessly. Cassie turns her head with a look of disgust on her face.

          "Who do I look like? Jennifer Lopez?" she says.

          "Wow, ever since that ending, Cassie's picked up a sarcastic sense of humor!" Gregg comments to Chip. 

          "Screw the horse! We need to get off somewhere!" Colin yells out. Everyone stares at him for his choice of words. Cassie shakes her head,

          "Men…." She mutters. They have meanwhile, entered a complex of offices racing by cubicles and blue-collared workers dully copying things and writing memos. They enter a cubicle arena where there is a giant window looking out onto the studios. They stop to catch their breath as they hide behind a cubicle. 

          "Oh man, if only Morpheus were here to help us!" Chip agonizes. Everyone looks at him with a cocked eyebrow.

          "Remember! In the movie, Neo is in a cubicle complex and Morpheus guides him out?" he says.

          "Oh yea! That movie kicked ass…" Greg says.

          "I can't wait for _Matrix Reloaded, have you seen some of those scenes? There's supposed to be this giant car chase too, where they're jumping form car to car and doing kung fu in between!" Cassie talks excitedly._

          "Oh awesome! I've seen some clips where there are motorcycle chases and Neo's flipping upwards onto this platform…" Greg  chats.

          "Oh! And can you imagine how Jada Pinkett Smith is gonna do? She's just so phenomenal…" Chip says.

          "I'd like to see Aaliya's last role. Such a shame she died." Cassie shakes her head.

          "Yea I know, and that woman they got to play the oracle." Chip adds.

          "You know I heard they're going to have this dance sequence! With frilly little dresses. How whack is that?" Greg says.

          "Way whack." Cassie and Chip answer in unison.

          "Have you heard how they're going to release some anime films set in the Matrix universe?" Greg asks.

          "Oh wow that would be so kick ass! I mean it would just work so well…." Cassie complements. 

          "When are they coming out?" Chip asks.

          "I think in a week or two. They'll release them on the web, ten in all. They might take the last one and turn that into a feature film instead of a short like the rest." Greg explains.

          "Oh that would be so boss!" Chip exclaims.

          "Where do you think they'll go with Trinity and Neo? Not to mention all the other characters they'll have to add because they killed off half the cast in the last movie."  says Cassie.

          "Yea, if there's anything I didn't like about that movie, it's that they killed off to many characters. They should at least kept Epoch and Switch. Switch was hot." says Chip. 

          "Oh and that character Mouse. He was so cute!" Cassie says excitedly.

          " I saw some pics on the net where there are duplicate agents. There's this scene where Neo is gonna have to fight multiple Agent Smiths and….Colin why are you that brilliant shade of crimson?" Colin just looks on, entirely consumed with rage.

          "Why are we hear again?" Chip wonders aloud.

SMASH!  
          "WE'RE GETTING THOSE REBELS IF WE HAVE TO TEAR THIS PLACE APART!!!" A voice rages.

          "Oh yea…" Chip says.

          "Canth, take a chill pill!" another voice says.

          "How did we get into this conversation in the first place?" Cassie asks.

          "Well we're in a cubicle and that reminded Chip of that scene from the first Matrix…" Greg says and motions to Chip.

          "Oh yea! And remember when he gets taken to that office and they make his mouth disappear and bug him?" Cassie begins the conversation again. Chip turns to her and replies,

          "Or that part when he touches the mirror and it's all gooey.." 

          "And that part where…..Colin you're scarlet!" Greg observes.  Colin is twitching his hands and his mouth is twisted into an inexplicable grimace of anger.

          "We could get killed and all you can talk about is _The Matrix???!!" he says choked with fury. _

          "It was such a cool movie! Remember that part when Neo does his bending over backward to dodge the bullets---" Chip starts mimicking the special effect.

          "I'LL BEND YOU OVER BACKWARDS!!!"  Colin yells and Chip jumps out of the way. Colin is sprawled on the ground. He's about to get up  when a plume of flame shoots right above him.

          "AH AH AH! MY HAIR!!" he grabs at the wispy strands on his head. 

          "LET'S GET OUT OF HERE!" Cassie grabs him and the four of them dash out of the area, out of site of the camera. The cubicle wall falls to reveal a medium sized dragon with iridescent scales. Smoke curls out of his nostrils. 

          "They got away! Those cursed rebels! And they forgot the Lobby Shooting Spree scene! That's the best scene in the movie!" he pouts. EllimistGirl comes up and pats him on his lowered head.

          "Awww it's all right Canth. We'll catch them, and we'll be able to analyze _The Matrix together!" she says. Canth sniffles,_

          "Like the part where Neo and Morpheus are hanging out of the helicopter?" 

          "And even the scene where Trintiy fights the policemen." She assures.

          "AWESOME!!!" the dragon muse shouts. 

          The four have exited the cubicle area and gone into some scaffolding. 

          "I think we'll be safe here for now." Cassie says.

          "Well, anyone think up a plan while we were running and screaming for our lives???" Colins asks.

          "Actually I was thinking about that scene where Neo freezes the bullets," Greg puts out a hand like Neo does, " Wahhaaaaanng!" he makes a sound affect, " I am Neo, the Chosen One-ahahahaakkkk!!" Colin wraps his hands around Greg's neck.

          "If. I. Have. To. Hear. A-nother. Word. A-bout. That. Movie. I. Am G-oing. To. Kill. YOU!" Colin says as he wrings Greg's neck. Cassie meanwhile, has spotted something down below.

          "Hey! It's Shakira!" 

          "No way!" Chip says. Colin lets go of Greg and lets him drop to the floor. He comes over and bending over the railing, sees the bleached  blonde chick in a tight leather outfit.

          "I wonder what she's doing here." Chip wonders  as Greg pulls himself along the ground gasping for air.

          "M-m-ay-be we can make use of-f—f it." Greg gasps. Colin rubs his chin.

          "Use Shakira? But how? I mean, all she's good for is distracting horny male teenagers and I think we drew the predominately adult female group."

          "Well, it could still come in handy. Like how could they kill us if we were friends with a celebrity?" Chip offers.

          "You just want to see Shakira up close. Admit it!" Colin accuses.

          "Admit that you have anger management problems." Chip retorts.

          "What?! I do not have anger management problems!!!" Colin yells back. 

          "Are you boys coming  or what?" Cassie calls form the top of the ladder. Colin tightens his fists, then sighs in exasperation. Greg stumbles over and follows Cassie down. Chip waves a hand forward.

          "You first my liege." He says dramatically.

          "My liege…" Colin grumbles and raises a threatening hand. Chip ducks out of the way and dashes down the ladder. 

          Canth the dragon follows the path of the four characters. He sniffs the ground as he walks along with EllimistGirl beside him. Following is a small group, but it's hard to mistake the very unique characters in it.  Lord Asriel comes up beside the dragon, Stelmaria the snow leopard riding on the dragon's hump. There is also a group of burly men carrying a mysterious box on two horizontal poles.  Lord Asriel turns to EllimistGirl.

          "Ah it is a fine day for social upheaval isn't it?" he remarks. EllimistGirl is about to respond when Lyra interrupts.

          "I still don't understand why they wouldn't let me bring Iorek! I mean he's the best! He'd get those jerks faster then you could say alethiometer!" she says with her arms crossed.

          "I told you, it's been an ancient law in the ABC studio handbook since time in memorium that you can't bring warrior polar bear kings into crossover fanfic battles. Just be glad we were able to sneak Will's Subtle Knife in with all that crazy security." EllimistGirl says. Will brandishes his knife.

          "Hehe." 

          "Not to mention our _secret weapon." she mentions in a softer voice. Lord Asriel pats his coat. _

          "Yes, yes…the_ secret weapon." EllimistGirl sighs._

          "I was referring _to the box, Lord Asriel." She says and waves a hand backwards to the burly men. Lord  Asriel frowns. Canth suddenly picks up his head. _

          "They went thaddaway!" He points to the ladder with a claw. 

          "Ohh I sense a battle coming on!" Lord Asriel says excitedly, then turns to Mrs. Coulter,

          "And you know how I get when a battle's coming on…" he slips a hand around her waste. The golden monkey daimon slaps it away.

          "Not now!" Mrs. Coulter scolds, then her eyes go half-lidded.

          "But later…." She strokes Lord Asriel's face.

          "All right, all right, all right break it up! Len's issued an order to keep this PG-13!" EllimistGirl reminds them.

          "It was only suggestive!" Lord Asriel defends. EllimistGirl begins down the ladder and Canth shrinks to a more practical size. One by one the characters go down, including the mysterious big box.

          "….such a tramp. Nothing like you." Chip finishes up saying. Shakira smiles and takes a swig of Pepsi from a can. Cassie rolls her eyes then hauls herself up out of her bean bag where she had sunken in while the guys chatted with Shakira.

          "And your music videos are a lot more creative. That whole diving thing at the end. Bam! So artistic…" Greg complements. Shakira smiles and takes another swig of pepsi.

          "Guys, all she's done this entire four minutes is smile and drink her pepsi! This is going no where!" Cassie whispers harshly into Greg, Colin and Chip's ears.

          "So like I was saying, _you're original." Colin nods to her. Shakira smiles and takes another swig of pepsi. Cassie hangs her head and sighs in exasperation. Then she suddenly picks up her head with a brilliance in her eyes. She comes up to Shakira._

          "Say Shakira, you know I'm part gypsy? I can read palms and everything. Curious to see what glamorous future lays ahead of you?" Cassie asks. Shakira, still chugging her pepsi, nods and puts out her hand. Cassie begins tracing it with her fingers,

          "Ohhh I see Grammys for you….you'll get that _thing you've always wanted….perhaps find a boyfriend, see that line there? That means you'll live long….oh and a possible movie career!" Shakira stops drinking and smiles. She opens her mouth to say something, when  Cassie suddenly brings her hand up to her face closely._

          "Whoa wait a minute! _That's interesting. I'll have to meditate on it a bit." Cassie closes her eyes and concentrates as Shakira's DNA patterns flow into her system. Shakira grows tired and only takes occasional short sips from her can. Cassie lets go of Shakira's hand and the guys move  to strike up another conversation when Cassie says,_

          "And it's been nice meeting you! We'll catch you later when you're on the silver screen. Bye!" Cassie grabs the guys who are struggling to get out of her grasp, and moves away. Shakira waves dully, smiles and takes another swig from her can. She drains the last drops from the can and lets out a belch any guy would be proud of. She then crushes the can against her head and tosses it away.

          "Shakira! On in five minutes!" A voice announces. Shakira straightens up, puts on a flashy smile and walks off in a dainty fashion.

          "Wow Cassie I never knew you were part gypsy!" Chip exclaims.

          "I'm not part gypsy you idiot!" she says annoyed.

          "But you just said---" Chip argues with a look of confusion on his face.

          "Hey look! I think that just might be the ABC station exit! We can go out there and call for outside help!" Colin points out. 

          "All right! Time to get out of this freakin fic!" Greg cheers. He stops though and sniffs the air.

          "Hey….what smells like smoke?" he asks. 

          "Maybe it's coming from a malfunctioning heater." Chip says.

          "Maybe it's coming from that ventilation system." Colin guesses.

          "Or maybe it's coming from that dragon over there." Cassie points.

          "Dragon????" They all chorus and turn to see Canth.

          "AHHHHHHHH!" They all grab each other and scream. They turn to run but are faced by the His Dark Materials characters. Lord Asriel holds an odd sort of contraption that looks a lot like a SuperSoaker.

          "This little beauty combines the static power of water and energy that comes from my daimon when she bites this strap." He displays Stelmaria,  "and that will cause a current of electricity to shoot out and give you a rather nasty shock." He explains with a wicked grin on his face.

          "Like that weapon Cipher uses in the part where he tries to kill everyone!" Chip points out. Colin's face contorts into a look of passionate ire.

          "Hey! I'm not _that bad." They four turn around and Colin throws up his hands._

          " I give up!" he says helplessly. There stands the cast from the Matrix, complete with characters already killed off.

          "Ya feeling lucky today punks?" Neo taunts, his hand sliding around the hostler at his side.

          "Can you do that walking up the wall thing you did in that part where you fight Morpheus?" Chip requests. 

          "No." Keanu Reeves answers coldly.

          "Just a little Jujitzu move then?" A bullet whizzes past his head.

          "You will surrender to me!" EllimistGirl commands.

          "Well what if we don't feel like it?" Greg says boldly. Another bullet whizzes by him. 

          "Okay, we surrender." He says. The Matrix people put away their guns.

          "Awww but I really wanted to use this!" Lord Asriel explains.

          "It's all right honey, you can use it when Survivor returns for another season, come on." Mrs. Coulter soothes.

          "Awwww!" Lord Asriel moans but puts the gun away. The burly men set down the mysterious box and begin handcuffing the four characters. They're about to go to Greg when he says,

          "Hey! Can I pet your dragon real quick? He looks so cool!" EllimistGirl ponders.

          "I see no harm in that. Just pat him on the head." Greg moves up and Canth lowers his head. Suddenly,

          "WHOOPAH!" He performs a splendid _junzuiki chop and the dragon goes down._

          "AHH!" EllimistGirl falls with him. Greg blows by and knocks the burly guards down with a spin of round-house kicks. He then grabs the keys and frees Cassie, Colin and Chip. They all begin running for their lives---again.

          "Arggh! GET THEM! THEY MUSSEN'T ESCAPE!" EllimistGirl yells out.

          "Look who's in need of the chill pill now!" Canth says.

          "Neo! Morpheus! Epoch! Cipher! Go after them!" she hurriedly points. Epoch, Neo, Morpheus and Cipher are all standing around a bleached blonde chick.

          "See _you can actually sing, unlike those other copycats." Neo comments. Christina Augilera smiles and takes a swig from her Sprite can. _

          "GUYS!" They all turn around.

          "Oh! Gotta run, but if you're ever interested, here's where you can reach me. So that maybe we can 'hook up' sometime. Hehhee get it? 'Hook Up?' The Matrix? Hahahhaa!" Cipher hands her a piece of paper. Christina Aguilera smiles and takes a swig of her Sprite. The Matrix cast takes off after the characters, they're gothic cloaks streaming behind them.

          "Oh no! They're gaining on us!"  Cassie stresses.

          "But we can't fight them! They can do all those neat tricks and we can't!" Chip bemoans.

          "Wait a minute, they're not good at everything! Think about it! We all have our talents. Chip, you can dance! Greg, you can blind them with your witty comments! Cassie, you can morph---"

          "And you can murder them with your bottled up rage!" Chip completes. Colin stops with a dangerous glint in his eye, his hands coming up and balling into fists.

          "Uh-uh save that for _them." Cassie says and turns him around. The Matrix and  HDM characters skid to a stop. Lord Asriel powers his gun up._

          "Hehehe let's see what this baby can do!" The Matrix characters all pull out weapons. The mysterious box has also been brought along.

          "Oh you are so dead now….attack!" EllimistGirl commands. No one does anything. The Matrix characters start to move but they look reluctant.

          " What's keeping you _now? Is Jessica Simpson nearby?" she says sarcastically. Epoch pulls out a CD and goes over to the wall where a CD player is. He pops the top open and places the CD in. He clicks buttons to get it to turn on._

          "Go to track 12." Trinity says.

          "No, no, no! Track 8! Track 8!" Switch endorses.

          "Go to track 5, then 7, then 8." Neo advises.

          "I can't get the damn thing to work!" Epoch shouts back. He bangs the CD player a bit. Trinity sighs, annoyed and runs her hands through her slicked hair. Morpheus and Cipher go over to help Epoch. They fiddle around with it together.

          "Well if you used a paperclip…"

          "Or a bobby pin." Epoch pats himself over for one.

          "Well I'll be damned, I'm fresh out!"

          "And no paper clips? Hmmm…this is serious…we may need to use a safety pin." Morpheus advises. 

          "Don't look at me, I was dead up until this stupid fic." Cipher says. 

          "Ohhh phooey!" Morpheus says and throw his hands down.  The cast gets up and begins to walk out.

          "Hey! Where are you going??!!" EllimistGirl shouts.

          "We can't do a fight scene if there's no techno music!" Switch explains.

          "Yea, can you recall a fight scene that had no techno music in it?" Epoch says.

          "Well there was that scene where Neo fights with Agent Smith in the subway system, that's just an energized orchestra." Everyone turns to look at Colin.

          "Well I did see the movie after all!" he exclaims. 

          "Catch you on the flip side. Be sure to see _The Matrix Reloaded and __The Matrix Revolutions, coming in the summer and fall of 2003." Neo advertises and they all leave._

          "Dammit!" EllimistGirl punches a wall.

          "Well I guess you have to let us go now." Greg reasons. EllimistGirl turns to look at him and smiles evilly.

          "Ohhh that's what you think! I have a secret weapon you see!" she says triumphantly.

          "YEA!" Lord Asriel jumps into the middle wielding his gun.

          "No! That's not the secret weapon!" EllimistGirl says.

          "Awwwww! That's it! I'm gonna go find some reality shows to torch up!" Lord Asriel walks off with Mrs. Coulter,

          "Now, now….just think calm blue oceans, calm blue oceans, calm blue oceans…." EllimistGirl turns to Will and Lyra.

          "Well, why are you two still here?" Will and Lyra shrug, then leave . Then Lyra quickly comes back.

          "Be sure to see _The Golden Compass when it comes out in theaters!" she advertises, then leaves. _

          "Now you'll _really have to let us go." Chip says.  EllimistGirl backpedals to her mysterious box. _

          "Say hello to my secret weapon…." She lifts the lid as the four draw back in fear. 

          The lid creaks open….something glows from inside….they all wait for baited breath as the lid exploded open…revealing the secret, deadly, ultimate, weapon…

          "Brittany Spears?????" Brittany Spears, the original bleached blond, no-talent chick pops out.

          "Ba ba ba ba ba ba ba baaaaa!" She does that obnoxious pepsi thing.

          "AHHHHHHHHHH!" The four shriek in unison.

          "…shout it out. Ba ba ba ba ba ba ba baaaa! The Joy of Pepsiiiii!" she sings {or doesn't : )  }.  

          "Oh no, we're doomed!" Greg says and the three men shiver in their shoes.

          "Oh no we're not!" Cassie steps forward as Shakira.

          "The world's for-ever turning with the thought that's always burning…" she 'sings'. Brittany Spears looks abashed.

          "Hey! I'm the Pepsi girl around here!"

          "Whatever happened to that cute little girl Halie Eisenburg?" Chip wonders aloud. 

          "Okay, you think you're so cool. You sing the talk, but do you dance the walk?" Brittany Spears said.

          "That made absolutely no sense…" Colin comments. Brittany Spears precedes to do a choreographed dance number. 

          "HA!" She finishes it up with a thrust of her hips. Shakira/Cassie looks her up and down, then scoffs.

          "Learn from the master honey…" She then begins a very suggestive belly dance, rippling her stomach as only she can.

          "Wooohoo! Go Ca—I mean, Shakira!" Chip cheers.

          "Roll those abs!" Greg pumps a hand. Skaira/Cassie takes a bow.

          "Oh honey you ain't go nothin' goin' on!" Brittany Spears retorts.

          "Since when did Brittany Spears speak in ebonics?" Chip asks. Brittany Spears shifts her eyes,

          "Uhh…..um okay! Now I'm gonna _my super secret weapon!" she announces. _

          "AHAAAAAA!" Lord Asriel jumps in. 

          "YOU'RE NOT THE SECRET WEAPON!!!" Everyone shouts at him. He screws up his face in anger.

          "Oh I am so just gonna blast all your asses!" He pushes a button and charges the contraption up. It makes a 'duuuuuuuuueeeeeeeerruuuupP!' sound and glows electric blue. He aims it at everyone.

          "Say your prayers…" he snickers evilly. Everyone gulps big. A buzzing is heard and his finger tightens on the trigger.

          "Oh I forgot my---" Cipher walks in the path of Lord Asriel's weapon. 

"YAAAA!" Lord Asriel yells madly. A stream of electricity explodes out of the nozzle.

          "Not again!" Cipher whines and throws his hands down. The blast hits him full force and he's knocked backward into the scenery. Unfortunately the force the gun creates also knocks Lord Asriel backwards. As a result the air is crackling with static and both Lord Asriel and Cipher have found themselves embedded in scenery at opposite ends of the studio.

          "Well now that we've got that out of the way, it's time to pay attention to me again!" Brittany Spears yells. Everyone turns to her.

          "Okay Shakira. You think you're the Pepsi Girl? Let's take this outside!"

          "Oh all right, I'll show you!" Cassie rolls up her sleeves. 

          "All right! Foxy Boxing!" Colin says happily.  Brittany Spears pulls out a pink ball.

          "Out into the space-time continuum! AHAHHAAAA!" She shrieks and slams it to the ground. A purple smoke curls out (notice how smoke is always purple in this story?) and they all begin to cough.

          "Ahh my trachea!" Chip calls out as he coughs.

          "My alveoli! They're losing elasticity!" 

          "And I think my bronchioles are constricting!" 

          "What the hell are you all talking about???" Colin's voice rings through the fog. 

          "Didn't you ever take high school biology?"

          "Uh…."

          "Ignore him, he's not _with it. Biology I mean…" Cassie says. The picture begins to swirl and twist while warped music plays. _

          "Gach! Ack ack ack….what the hell…..?" Greg cough and notices his surroundings. The others stop hacking and notice too. Everything is in black and white. Cushy booths line the wall and silver stools ring a open bar. The floor is checkered tile and a large jukebox flashing in every color imaginable. Girls in poodle shirts and capries sit and share chocolate malts with crew cut, clean shaven men. In one corner though, are some slick haired goonies with leather jackets and jeans. The young man at the counter wears a pointed hat and a spotless apron.

          "Well howyadoin kids! Can I get you something?" he says cheerily.

          "Oh….my….god…!" Cassie/Shakira gasps. 

          "We've been transported to the Silver Diner on Temple Hill Street! Wow ! She transported us four miles! " Greg exclaims. 

          "I think she transported us more than four miles Greg…." Chip says as he looks around astonished. 

          "Hey! We all look different!" Colin realizes. Sure enough, Greg's hair is slightly slicked and he's wearing a heavy leather jacket. Colin too, is sporting the same wear, except that he doesn't have much hair to slick back. Shakira/Cassie ( okay, let's knock this off. We'll refer to her as Shakira now, because she's in Shakira morph), has khaki capries, a white top with a blue sweater. Her hair is curled up and slightly shorter. Chip is…..well…

          "You look exactly the same!" Colin exclaims. Chip looks at himself.

          "Well, whaddaya know! Ain't that cool?" 

          "Ba ba bababa  ba ba bababa  ba ba bababa  ba ba bababaa!" Suddenly three Preps start snapping their fingers and singing.

          "On second thought, maybe we're in _Grease !"  Chip says excitedly. Suddenly, Brittany Spears comes out in center and all the other people get up from their seats. Brittany Spears is in white capries with a cute pink sweater. Her hair is permed and short. _

          "Those who think young say 'Pepsie please!'" she chirps. Colin, Chip, Greg and Shakira grab each other and scream.

          "AHHHHHH WE'RE IN THAT SUPERBOWEL COMMERCIAL!! AHHHHH!!!" 

          "Thaaaaat's riiiiiight!" she sings as a preppie boy picks her up and twirls her around. 

          "What do we do?!!" Greg grabs his hair. Chip steps up and says in a bold, confident voice,

          "The only thing we can do: Dance!" Chip snaps his fingers and as the other lights go out, a spotlight goes to him. He clicks his fingers and points to an orchestra that has randomly appeared. Swing music drowns out the polite 50s commercial music as Chip begins snapping his fingers. Horns start to blare and he begins tapping his feet. 

          " Baby, baby, it looks like it's gonna hail…." Chip begins.

          "Oh no! The Gap commercial song!" Greg covers his ears.

          "I know Greg! But it's the only way!" Colin says and puts a hand on his shoulder.

          "Baby, baby, it looks like it's gonna hail. Baby come inside let me teach you how to jive and we'll…." Chip signals the band to pause for a moment and goes to Shakira. 

          "Will you jump and jive with me Shakira??" he asks and offers his hand.

          "You know it!" she says and takes it. They go to the center and Chip points to the band again. 

          "Ohhh you gotta jump and jivin' then you gotta jump and jivin', then you gotta jump and jivein weeeeellll!" Chip takes Shakira and they begin to swing dance through the chorus. They pull back and come together at each other's shoulders ( it's a little hard to describe swing dancing isn't it?). Then they separate and twist will clicking their hands and tapping their feet. Shakira holds out her arm and Chip pulls her into an embrace and dips her to a side. Then he brings her up and they continue dancing to the next verse.

          "Papa's in the icebox lookin' for a can of ale. Papa's in the icebox lookin' for a can of ale. Moma's in the back learnin' how to jive and weeeelll…." Chip twirls Shakira and brings her back to him. They both bend backwards then untwirl. The chorus starts up again,

          "Ohhh you gotta jump and jivin' then you gotta jump and jivin' Ohhh you gotta jump and jivin' then you gotta jump and jivin, 'then you gotta jump and jivin weeeeellll!" Chip takes Shakira who rolls over his back and then lands on her feet. Everyone around erupts into wild applause. 

          "Wow they're really good aren't they Canth? Brittany Spears had better match that!" EllimistGirl in a poodle skirt says to Canth.

          "Spppwwt!" Canth blows a raspberry.  Brittany Spears fumes.

          "Grrrr! They call that dancing!" she scoffs. She grabs a dancing boy nearby.

          "You! Do what he's doing!" she orders. His face contorts into a look of terror.

          "But I don't know how to daaaaaaaaance!" Brittany Spears grabs him and they go into the spotlight. The horn and trombones play in the background. The third verse then starts up.

          "A woman is a woman and man ain't nothin' but a male." Chip and Shakira do the twirl thing again. Brittany Spears looks at the boy who then quickly takes her and tries to imitate Chip. He grabs Brittany Spears roughly and tries to turn her but Brittany Spears slips and as he tries to pull her in, they both fall to the ground.

" A woman is a woman and a man ain't nothin' but a male." Chip and Shakira, hands held together pull apart then come together, with their hands forming a  pointed bridge over their heads, their faces inches away from each other. The boy and Brittany Spears try to do the same but every time they come together, they bump heads.

"Ow! Watch it you clutz!" she squawks. 

"Sorry, sorry!" the boy apologizes. 

 "One good thing about him, he knows how to jive and weeeellll…" They do the back flip thing again. Brittany Spears rolls onto the boy's back and he buckles under her wait and they collapse to the ground. 

"You idiot!" she shouts. 

"My spine…" the boy groans. The drums build up to a tempo as the horns stay silent. Chip and Shakira continue to swing dance.

"You ready?" Chip asks.

"Anytime you are." Shakira answers. Chip grabs her hands and then pulls her underneath him. Suddenly he pulls her back up, tosses her high up and catches her by the waist. They spin around as Shakira holds her arms up high.

"WHOOOOHOOOO!" the crowd screams their approval. The boy, practically crying, takes Brittany and pulls her under, then brings her up, tosses her and as she's coming down, he catches her, but Brittany's momentum carries them out of the stage and they crash into the garbage cans. The band finishes up and Shakira and Chip take a boy. Roses are thrown onto the floor. 

"Thank you, thank you!" Chip says as he blows kisses. Brittany gets up, disheveled and pissed and steps into the circle.

"You may have won in this decade but let's see how you do in the 60s!!!" She pulls out a purple ball this time and smashes it into the ground. 

"Not again!" Colin says as he coughs on the purple smoke. The picture swirls and twists as more warped music plays. 

The smoke clears and the four wake up to find themselves in a desert. There are beach towels  and junky RVs and Beetles parked everywhere. Guys with long hair and shaded glasses hold girls with head bands and beads around their necks.  Everyone has bell bottoms.

"Dear god! It's the sixties!" Shakira shouts.

"Maybe we can save  Martin Luther King Jr. from getting shot!" Chip realizes with a gasp.

"Or JFK while we're at it." Greg adds. Brittany Spears steps up again, this time in hippie attire. Of course, all our friends are as well.  Colin feels his head.

"I HAVE HAIR!!!!!" he shouts happily. Greg's hair too, is long and he has blue shades. Chip wears a brown coat with tassels, his hair a bit on the messy side.

"Duuuuude…" he says. 

"Well let's get this psychadelic fight to maximum grooooovey power!" She is about to start when suddenly.

"Whooooooah wait a minute there chick!" a group of people intrude on the match.

"Like, you can't fight with people! That's wrong." A hippie guy says.

"It's like baaaaaaad karma you know?" a girl adds.

"I wasn't gonna physically attack them! I was just going to give them the musical beat down of their lives!" she spits at them.

"No beat downs! Duuuuude that's like, sooooo uncool." A young boy in a jacket similar to Chip's says.

"Yea, that makes you a square." A guy races an imaginary square in the air. He continues doing so and begins watching his hands intently.

"Whooooooa, my hand's they're like HUGE! They can touch everything but themselves…" he moves his hands high up and then puts them together.

"Oh wait, they _do touch." He realizes. Brittany Spears shoves him out of the way._

"Hey! Get the nark!" a girl screams.

"Nark? Where's the nark?!" someone in the background yells. 

"That chick over there!" someone points to Brittany.

"Let's stop her with our love and disregard for established society!" a guy says.

"Kill her with kindness!" the call leads the charge against Brittany Spears.

"Ahhhhh!" she ducks and covers herself as they mob her and throw flowers at her.

"Hey, hey Brittany Spears, quit praying on those helpless queers! Hey Hey Brittany Spears, quit praying on those helpless queers!" they chant the modified protest call.

"Queers! I detest to that!" Colin says. 

"Who cares, they're dealing with her for us!" Chip  says. A hippie pulls out a marker and draws peace signs and happy faces all over Brittany's face. 

"Say chickie baby, wanna take a ride on the fantastic side with the Gregmeister?" Greg tries to pick up a hippie girl.

"Greg! You can't try to get a date! We're on a mission to defeat a super-powerful fanfiction writer and right now we have to survive a deadly trip through the decades or all of Whoseline? will be doomed!" 

"Heavy man." The girl comments. EllimistGirl and Canth stand off to the side.

"Why can't all those hippies be stoned? She'd better find a way to blow them off!" she fumes. A few hippies notice Canth.

"Puff the magic draaagon, lived by the sea, and frolicked in the autumn mist in the land of Honnaleee…." They sing. 

"Spppwwt!" Canth blows a raspberry at them.

"Arrgh!" Brittany throw all the hippies off her and pulls out a blue ball.

"I'm going where stoned notions of peace and psychadleic love can't get me!" she throws it to the ground and of course, the smoke comes out.

"Geez! I'm gonna have to see my doctor after this! Acchkk!" Chip coughs as the smoke swarms them.

Duuuuweeeeeouuuuuuduuuweeeeeeowwwwwwwwwwaaaaaaaaa! The music plays as the group finds themselves on a beach. Waves crash on a wind sandy beach. Everyone is in a bathing suit. 

"Well, here are the 70s….I think." Colin says as he looks around.

"Too bad I never watched_ That 70s Show." Greg says and frowns._

"Which 70s show? _The Tonight Show with Johnny Carson?" Chip asks. They all just stare at him. All of our characters are in swim suits, the guys with slightly shaggy hair. Shakira is in a one piece suit, stripped green and white._

"And now for the Surf Competition!" an announcer says. 

"Surf competition?" Chip echoes. Brittany Spears stands on the beach, in a pink one-piece suit and a pink surfboard. 

"Looks like one of us needs to compete with her." Greg says and turns to everyone else, " who knows how to surf around here?"

"Wellll….." Chip drifts.

"I uh……ya know…." Shakira rubs the back of her neck.

"Umm….well  I did…." Everyone turns to Colin. 

"Just a little bit!" he quickly says.

"Well get in there suferboy!" Greg grabs him and shoves him beside Brittany Spears.

"But I need a board!" he yells back. Suddenly,  one is thrown and hits him on the head. He collapses to the ground, coughs, then gets back up.

"Prepared to be wiped out!" Brittany taunts. 

"And on the count of 1…2….3…go!" The announcer says. Brittany and Colin hit the waves. The surfing music comes on as they balance on their boards. The water ahead of them curls up and they surf the interior.

"Ahhhhhh! This is soooo nuutts!" Colin screams and ducks his head.

"Ahahahaa!" Brittany cackles as she does it standing on her head---literally. 

"You're so dead Colin!" she taunts.

"Ahhhhh!" Colin clings to his board for dear life. He survives the first wave and they go onto the next one which is even bigger. Brittany and Colin enter it, twirling upside down again and again as they ride it.

"Aaaaahhhaaaaahhaaahhaaaaahaaaaaaa!" he screams as he spins inside of it. Brittany Spears is filing her nail and yawning as she rides the wave.  EllimistGirl and Canth ride by on a surfboard.

"Great job Brittany! You'd better keep that up!" she says as she passes.

 "Spppwwt!" Canth blows a raspberry at Colin. He dips into the water and comes up coughing. Colin gets a mouth full of sea water and he yanks a starfish off his face.  The third, ultimate, giant wave comes up.

"The 70s….the 70s…what the hell happened in the 70s…?" he wonders. As Brittany approaches the wave, a giant Great White Shark breaks the surface and comps her board.

"AHHHHH!" she shrieks and falls off.

"Oh yea! _Jaws came out!" he exclaims. Brittany Spears drowns in the water while the shark circles her. She pulls out a red ball._

"The 80s will save me!" she throws it at the shark and as it hits it, the smoke comes out. Colin falls off his board and gags on the smoke, until he suddenly hits a hardwood floor.

"Play that funkie music whiiiite boy!" the music goes on around him. Colin stands up and finds himself in a white disco suit and a gold chain dangling off him. A glitter ball turns overhead in the dark dance room. He puts out a hand up with his other one on his hip and begins to bring the first hand up and down.

"All right! I can do this again without anyone looking at me weird!" 

"Colin?" Shakira moves through the crowd and approaches him. She's in a black dress and her hair is teased high on her head. She's wearing pumps. Chip and Greg follow behind her. Greg is looking much like Colin except he has platform shoes. Chip looks extremely different. He has a black leather jacket ringed with studs and his hair is a red mohawk. He has spike bracelets around his wrists.

"Chip??? How come you're not in 80s gear?" Shakira asks.

"I _am! I'm an 80s punk rocker!" he says and runs a hand through his  red spikes. _

"Well Colin having fun?" Greg asks as Colin and he disco dance.

"You know it! Man this feels good!" he says. 

"We will now open up the floor for all you funky freaks to dance the night away!" A voice over a speaker announces. The crowd clears up and Brittany Spears stands center. 

"Ba ba ba ba ba ba ba baaaa! The joy of Pepsiiiii!" She sings the song with an 80s funky twist to it. Colin jumps in and the  theme song from _Night at the Roxberry starts up. He starts doing the disco pointer thing energetically and people cheer from the outside. He spins and shakes his hips. _

"Ohhh turn it up!" Brittany Spears turns to the boom box and turns up the volume. The floor starts to wobble with the noise. Colin bends over backwards.

"Ahhh I need help!" he cries out. Greg jumps in  and suddenly, the song thing from _Pulp Fiction starts up.  Greg takes his fingers and does the eye thing (taking his fingers, making a peace sign, turning it sideways and running that across his eyes) . Colin starts doing the same and the ground shakes even more. _

"You are such a rip off!" Brittany Spears says. She turns up her song and continues grooving her way. Six people in the crowd join her in a choreographed disco dance. The dance studio is vibrating with noise!

"Colin we're losing ground!" Greg says as they do their _Pulp Fiction dance. Suddenly, Shakira joins them, with a boom box blaring the song 'Stayin' Alive'. _

"Oh yea! Black soul sister!" Shakira shouts. 

"Ah ah ah ah staying alive, staying alive! Ah ah ah ah staying aliiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiive!" Colin and Greg join her putting their  one hand on their hips and shuffling their feet, while with their other hand doing the disco pointer thing. The three characters all do this in their own choreographed dance. The walls are beginning to convulse.

"Grrrrrr!" Brittany Spears cranks the volume up even louder. The roof is pulsating! Six more dancers join Brittany Spears. 

"Ah! We can't fight it back! We're doomed!" Greg says. 

"AHHHHHH!" Chip crashes the scene with his own boom box, spewing screaming punk-rock ska. He begins screaming unintelligently and shock-waves start to ripple throughout the room.  

"Ohhhhhh!" Brittany Spears buckles under the pressure. All the characters' music is too much! 

"Canth I think the dance room is about to explode!!!" EllimistGirl shouts.

"Spppwwt!" Canth blows a raspberry anyway. 

KABOOOOOM!!!

The picture swirls again but this time there's no smoke. 

          "Ack ack ack…hey the smoke's gone!" Chip says. Then he and the others realize where they are.

          "Hey! We're back in the ABC station! In the 2000s!" Shakira cries out happily. Everyone is back in normal attire.

          "Wait! What about the 90s?" Greg asks.

          "Do you really want to go through another decade???" Colin asks. Brittany Spears is fuming.

          "Grrrrrrrrrrraaaaaaaaahhhh!!" She jumps on Shakira and they begin fist fighting.

          "You call that a punch, Hah!" Shakira  socks Brittany Spears in the stomach.

          "OW!" she pulls back her fist and shakes it in pain.

          "I do a hundred sit-ups everyday!" Brittany Spears boasts. Shakira delivers an uppercut and kicks Brittany Spears off her. She goes after her and Brittany Spears jumps to her feet. They go at it with fierce intensity.

          "Wow, so we did get to see Foxy Boxing after all!" Colin says.

          "Well who's gonna stop this now???" Greg wonders.

          "I dunno….Mandy Moore?" Chip guesses. EllimistGirl sighs in exasperation.

          "Oohh I just don't get this! How does Lenalaye keep control of her characters when she has them for more than five minutes???" she groans.

Brittany Spears slams Shakira  over the head.

          "Owwhwhhhh…." Shakira falls to the ground and moans.  Brittany Spears gets read to deliver a WWF style pile drive when suddenly,

          "That's not Brittany Spears! It's a man baby!" Austin Powers comes charging in and intercepts Brittany Spears. They tumble to the ground.

          "Austin it's me!" Brittany Spears squawks. Austin begins tugging at her haphazard hair.

          "Why. Won't. This. Wig. Come. Off?!" He says as he yanks at it.

          "Uh…Austin, I don't think…" Chip begins saying until Austin Powers gives one big tug and 

SHRRRWUUMPH!  
          The mask slides off. And it's revealed to be…

          "Oh my god it _is a man!" Shakira exclaims._

          "Not just any man, that's Carson Daly!" Greg points out. Sure enough, Carson Daly, the host of MTV's TRL, is in a woman suit and looking very flushed.

          "See, I know a woman when I see one!" Austin Powers gloats.

          "Uhhh You know, I don't think I want an explanation for this…" EllimistGirl says.

          "Good! Cuz I don't wanna give one!" Carson Daly springs to his feet and runs like the wind. 

          "Another grooooovey move by the Shagadelic Spy! Yea baby yea!" he cheers and then approaches Shakira.

          "You don't have to thank me, really." He says, his eyebrows raised in suggestion. 

          "Cassie! How long have you been in that morph?" Greg suddenly exclaims.

          "Oh you're right Greg! I'd better change back!" Cassie emerges from Shakira's form and shakes her head vigorously.

          "Wow, that was really somethin'." 

          "You've really got soul Cassie. I'll see you all at the finale!" Austin Powers says and walks off.

          "Groovy man!" Colin puts up his two fingers in a peace sign. 

          "And be sure to see _Austin Powers 3 : Goldmember this summer!" he advertises._

          "Geez! What's with all the movie plugs?" Greg asks.

          "I don't know," Chip says and then turns to EllimistGirl, "You ready to surrender _now ?" EllimistGirl sighs and puts out her hands._

          "Cuff me, I'm done with all this. You're streak of incredible dumb luck has beaten me."   
          "All right, let's go." Greg holds her captive and they take her and her muse Canth to the ABC lobby.

          "Do you have any threes?" Marco asks. Bush grins.

          "Go fish!" he says. Marco shakes his head.

          "No see, you don't know how to play this game. Look, you have several threes." Marco says as he points out Bush's cards to him.

          "Go fish!" he still says. Wayne and Rachel sigh. Drew lounges on a couch reading a magazine. Momo Claus with her terrier muse are still  swirling in the snow globe. The second army of characters comes in. 

          "Chip!" Wayne spots him and runs up to greet him.

          "Oh you missed the coolest thing Wayne!" Chip goes on to tell him what happened.

          "Wow, wish I could have been there. However I did get to see Rachel in a cocktail dress." 

          "Oh really?" Chip says astonished. Marco snaps his head towards him,

          "Huh? When was Rachel in a cocktail dress?" Marco wonders. 

          "Nevermind." Rachel says and pulls his head away from the guys.

          "Well, we've got another general for you to put in." Greg says and goes over to the snow globe.

          "And a dragon muse to go along with her." Colin leads Canth on a leash.

          "All right, let's put'em in!" Drew opens up the door, shoving Canth  and EllimistGirl inside. 

          "Heya Elli! Hi Canth. Lost too?" Momo Claus greets them.

          "Yea…who'd thought fighting against four stupid characters when you have all the resources of fanfiction was so hard?" Elli says as she floats amongst sparkle stars and white snow flakes. The people on the outside smile and then turn away. Momo and Elli exchange a serious look and go up to the glass surface. They press their mouths on the glass and begin singing.

          "I love fishes cuz they're so delicious! Gonna gold fishing! I could eat them everyday, and my mom says that's okay. Gonna gold fishing!" they chorus. Chip giggles.

          "That's so cute! We should sell them to a zoo." He comments.

          "Or put them on Lettermen's Stupid Pet Trick Segment." Greg advises. They all laugh except Marco who raises an eyebrow.

          "Strange…" he observes as the two keep singing. 

          "Would you like to Play Go Fish?" President Bush offers. 

          "Well I dunno if Marco, Rachel and Wayne are having such a good time----" Chip says.

          "No! It's _really okay. You can take over." Rachel tosses her cards. Chip, Greg and Cassie shrug and so take their places. _

          "Do you have any sevens?" Greg asks. Bush smiles.

          "Go fish!" 

          "Gonna gold fishing! I could eat them everyday and my mom says that's okay. Gonna gold fishing! Gonna gold fishing! Gonna gold fishing…" 

*************************************************************

          Now they're both singing! Sorry, it's just such a cool song.  Wow, that was almost three times as long as the last chpt! With all the creativity I had to pent up during exams, it just all flowed out in this chpt. Thanks! R/R the end is near! Fight the future!

          I know I probably screwed up terminology ,dress and a bunch of other things between the decades. I had to guess from what I've seen on TV which decade was what. I may have tweaked a few things but I was eager to right this. You got the idea after all, right?   
  


Have a nice day J 

          BOB DOLE!!! For pepsi commercial!


	13. Round 3: Air Wolf vs Jake

          I crawl back from the depths of the abyss…….

          Yes, it's me Lenalaye, long forgotten author. I got myself lost in another category for a while, then that got yanked from the site, so that explains my long absence. Or you could blame aliens. Yea, that sounds much better, BLAME THE ALIENS! They abducted me and performed weird experiments on me and they only returns me just yesterday! 

          Or maybe I just forgot about this in the pursuit of life and original writing. 

          Either way, I am gonna finish this off, for my fans!!! [ if any of them remain] :::Looks around:::;

          I'm gonna finish it! 

           Right now!

Thanks Super Hurricane for his suggestions

          You have probably forgotten a lot of the story by now. Remember, Lenalaye stole Ryan's laptop [ who was gonna be the person to topple Lenalaye…remember…like the forth chpt, go back and re-read it]. And anyway, Lenalaye unleashed her generals plus a variety of characters on Ryan's meager army. They split up into their fights, as you can see in the previous chpts. So that's where we are now.

*************************************************************

Round Three

          Air Wolf vs. Jake (plus David, Toomin and Brad)

                _Oh I wish I were an oscar myer wiener…that is what I'd truly like to beeeee cuz if I were an oscar myer wiener, then everyone would be in love with meeeeee….._

_          "Toomin take your goddamn fingers out of your ears and stop singing!" Brad smacks him upside the head. Toomin is brought back to painful reality. He begins shivering uncontrollably as he looks down to see the army of Air Wolf blanketing the ground. Toomin grabs the scaffolding and whimpers,_

          "Ohhhhhh I'm too young to die!" 

          "You're like billions of years old!" David points out.

          "I'm still to young to die! I'll never get to see Uzbekistan now…:" he moans. The riot below is getting even more hostile. 

          "So, any of you got any plans???" Brad asks.

          "Why are you looking at the rest of us! You could help too!" David says.

          "Well, I was just thinking that since our group has one leader who fought against an alien empire, one leader who fought against ancient gods and one person who used to rule the universe that we'd have ENOUGH BRAINS AND EXPERIANCE TO COME UP WITH A PLAN!!!" Brad shouts. 

          "Well aren't we the little ray of sunshine?" Toomin says in a sweet, sarcastic tone.

          "Oh shut the hell up! What don't you just face the fact that you have to be an idiotic mortal for the rest of your life! Never to rule the universe again!" Brad retorts.  Toomin's eyes widen.

          "That was just low! You dirty, rotten, son-of-a----"

          "You wanna come over here and finish that?!" Brad  shouts defiantly. Toomin inches his way up the catwalk.

          "Yea!" he accepts and the scaffolding begins to sway in the throes of the conflict.

          "This is worse then Marco and Rachel before a mission…" Jake comments with an exasperated sigh.

          "Well, maybe if we come up with a plan then they'll have no choice but to fight! Wait a minute…that doesn't sound right…" David scratches his head.

          "All right, only you and I have led actively, so let's compare strategies. I like to lead by plans and meticulously calculated moves. All factors are taken into account; personalities, past experiences, what my own capabilities are as well as those of my teammates. So how do you go about it?" Jake asks. 

          "Uh…move, kill, kill, be friendly, hide, run, scream, scream, scream, almost get killed a bunch of times, oh! and throw in a couple of last minute decisions in there." David says. Jake stares at him.

          "How did you even last one second…..?" he says as he shakes his head.

          "C'mon Jake, you know that's what all your plans boil down to eventually." Toomin puts in his two cents.

          "NYA!" Brad screams as he continues to battle with Toomin.      

          "I think we better break that up, it looks like it's getting ugly." David suggests. Jake and David inch along towards the fight.

          "One, two, three, four I declare a thumb war!" Toomin and Brad move their thumbs about, locked in deadly combat. Brad's thumb does some quick maneuvering and pins down Toomin's thumb.

          "AH AH AH!" Toomin struggles in vain to get out from under. Jake begins banging his head against the scaffolding.

          "I'm surrounded!" he cries out. 

          "Well duh!" David says and points below. Jake just smacks his head again.

          "Toomin, Brad, cut that out!" Jake orders. Toomin and Brad compose themselves.

          "So what bright ideas do you have now oh Fearless Leader???" Toomin sneers.

          "Call me that again soldier and I'll knock your punk ass down!" Jake barks out.

          "Oohhhh you got told off!" Brad taunts Toomin who is grimacing in anger.

          "You too soldier!" Jake yells in Brad's direction. 

          _Man, I've been wanting to talk like that for years! Jake thinks happily to himself._

          "Can I be lieutenant?" David asks.

          "All right, all of us, just look down and let's observe some details. That could lead us to the appropriate course of action." Jake says and they all look down.

          "Lots of scifi, lots of fantasy…." Brad says.

          "Oohhhh check out those Mists of Avalon Ladies…" David says.

          "Where? Where?" Brad looks around.

          "Egyptian High Priestesses……Buffy ….Anne Landers???" Toomin notes with puzzlement.

          "The powerpuff girls, Max from _Dark Angel, Destiny's Child…" Brad tallies._

          "Hey….wait a minute, they're all women!" Jake exclaims.

          "Ohhh that's not fair! You know chivalry dictates that we can't fight against women!" David bemoans.

          "You're right about that David…there  has to be some other way around this…" Jake agonizes.

_                "Well, maybe if we get down there and shake our boo-teys they'll be so thrilled, they'll faint or something!" Brad advises and the other three stare at him._

          "You know, like Austin Powers did with the Fembots?" he adds.

          "This is not _The Full Monty!" Jake yells._

          "*sigh* Maybe we should just surrender. I mean, if you can't beat them, join them right?" Toomin says.

          "Yea I suppose…" Jake says, a little down, then he lights up, 

"Yea….join'em ! That's exactly what we'll do! Toomin you're a genius!" Jake exclaims.

          "Yea I know," Toomin prides over himself and slicks back his quills, 

"Uh…but why?" he then asks.

"Well, these are vicious women down there right?" 

"Right." the others agree with Jake.

"And they only trust their own right?"

"Right."

"So the best way to undermine their authority would be to pretend we're one of them, right?"

"Right!"

"Then that means we have to be….feminine…" Jake trails. The others open their mouths to say 'right' but then quickly turn them into gapes.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa! Since when did this turn into _Juawanna Mann?" Brad asks._

"Look, I know it's a bit much to ask, but if you wanna get out alive, I think this is the only way!" 

"That's re-goddamn-diculous!" Toomin declares.

"Oh shut up Toomin, you're part female anyway." Jake smirks.

"WHAT?! I'm all man!" Toomin thumps his chest.

"That's not what Rachel told me." Jake grins. Toomin inches forward, blushing.

"Exney on the emale stay."  He whispers and taps his nose. Jake raises his eyebrows.

"What's he talking about?" David asks. Jake leans backwards and whispers something.

"Wow! You're your own girlfriend!" David exclaims.

"Tehehheheee!" the others titter and giggle. Toomin narrows his eyes.

"If I were Ellimist right now you'd be a lot more woman than you'd like!" he snaps.

"All right, all right, let's address the issue at hand. If we have  to be women, then we have to look like women. How do we get cloths with those banshees below us?" Brad points downward.

"Hmmmm….good point Brad-o." Jake says as he thoughtfully rubs his chin. Brad rolls his eyes.

"Hey! I  got it! There's this guy called Mercury I know back in Everworld. He could get us the gear in a jiffy!" David snaps his fingers and says.

"Great! Call'em up and tell him to rush his Greek-counterpart butt over here!" Jake orders. David pats himself over, turning out pockets and looking around him.

"I'll be damned! I can't find my phone!" his eyes wander around. 

"Ah! There it is!" He reaches across the catwalk and extends his fingers to reach the phone. As they touch, the phone tips and crashes below.

"Whoopsidaisy!" he cries out as all of them watch the phone plummet downwards. Before the phone even hits the ground, the women are all over it, tearing it apart and screaming madly. 

"Great, there goes the plan." Brad says.

"I'll be damned if it is Brad-o." Jake turns to him and says. Brad raises an eyebrow.

"Wait! I just pulled a brilliant plan out of thin air!" Toomin holds up a piece of paper.

"We're sticking to the Lady Plan." Jake declares.

"But with this plan, we can defeat the army without any gender-bending whatsoever as well as save the day completely and get a complementary toothbrush in the process!" Toomin exclaims.

" I said, we're sticking with the Lady Plan."

"But ---"

"DID YOU HEAR ME OR ARE YOU DEAF, SOLDIER?!!" Jake bellows.

"Loud and clear…." Toomin sighs and tosses the plan down below. 

"Now how to we contact Mercury?" Brad asks. 

"Are you questioning me Brad-o?!" Jake demands with a stern look. Before Brad can respond, Jamie Lee Curtis shows up.

"This should help." She says and hands them a new  _Voicestream cell phone, then disappears._

"Awesome!" Brad exclaims.

"Would you look at that? Internet access and voice message all in the same phone!" David says as he handles the phone.

"Not to mention, free long-distance!" Toomin adds.

"Is that so?" Jake asks and Toomin nods.

"And whenever minutes to use at any time!" Brad raises his finger and says.

"Wow, I have to get me one of these!" Jake takes the phone and looks it over,

"Ooohhh shiiiiiny….."  David snatches it and says,

"Time to dial!" David takes the phone and starts to press buttons. He sits there for five minutes dialing it out, then brings it up to his ear.

"Long-distance huh?" Brad says.

"You could say that…." David responds. The phone rings two times before someone picks up.

"Yo Merc! Hey, I have a favor to ask. Can you get me four pairs of women's clothing? Complete with shoes and jewelry?" 

"What, does Christopher want to sneak into that She-She bar again?" Mercury sighs wearily.

"Uhhhh….no….I need it in order to fit my friends and I into a crowd of murderous women."

"Well why didn't you say so! We have all sizes and styles! From Joan Clairborne to Chico's to Victoria's Secret to Calvin Klien  to Chenel." Mercury lists. 

"Really? Do you have any Abercrombie and Fitch by any chance?" 

"You bet."

"What do you have in a summer serung and tank top? Oh and some sandals? Not the kind without a backing, because it's hard to run without one  and I think we'll be doing a lot of running…" David explains.  Brad taps him.

"Do they have any Calvin Klien scent? Preferably 'Obsession'?" he asks. David poses the question.

"Indeed we do, and for $100 each, we can give you a full bikini wax and for an additional $50 we can include a massage and makeover!" Mercury says cheerfully.

"Ohh that sounds good…." Jake comments.

"Well that sounds tempting Merc, but just the cloths would be fine." Brad tugs David's shirt.

"And some perfume…" David adds with a roll of his eyes.

" I want some Gap cloths!" Jake whines. David puts a hand on the speaker piece.

"Jake, you know how outrageous they price their clothing!" he whispers .

" You could call it ridiculous!" Brad adds.

"Re-goddamn-diculous!" Toomin nods eagerly. Jake folds his hands and pouts. David brings the phone back to his ear.

"All right! Be there in five minutes!" Mercury says and David nods, then puts the phone away. They all wait in silence for a few minutes. Jake  drums his fingers on the metallic scaffolding while Brad mutters some lyrics,

"I am stuck on Band-Aid brand cuz germs don't stick on me. I am stuck on Band-Aid band cuz germs don't stick on me…"  David takes his hands and starts playing with his fingers. 

"This is the church…" he  folds his hands.

"This is the steeple…." He shows the other guys.

"Open it up and see all the people!" he giggles stupidly. Brad looks at his watch. Toomin scratches himself and flexes his wings. Suddenly…

"Well hello daaaa-lings!" Mercury appears holding a package. He's dressed very fashionably in some khaki slacks and a waist-length coat over a blue turtleneck. He has purple glasses on without the rim and his hair is combed over and gelled. The only thing to suggest he is a god are the wings on his shoes, which causes him to levitate in the air.

"Thanks Merc, I owe you one." David says as he accepts the clothing.

"Oh pa-sure! Anytime Davie," he looks at his watch, " Oh listen I've gotta go. The new shipment of  culottes just came in and I need to shelve them. You take care now, Cho!" Mercury zips away as the others sit down to open up the clothing. Jake pulls out a tank top.

"Hehehe…this is gonna be WILD!" he shouts. The four slink off into a dark corner and start trying them on. 

          Fashion show music comes on as a spotlight focuses on a purple curtain. Suddenly they part and David struts out onto the cat walk. He's wearing a leopard-print dress with a gold purse to match. He has tiger print high heels and wears jade dangling earrings. With some VERY bright red lipstick on he blows a kiss, his wrist jingling with the gold bracelets on it. Some stuffing is coming out the sides of his dress. 

          "Just call me Daffodil ." He says at his best impersonation of a female.

Next, Brad walks out with a gold sequence tank and a wrap-around flower print. He has a braided/beaded  wig and long red fake nails. With a ton of rings on he flashes them around.

          "Bling, bling." He says and winks. As he walks out and David circles for another run, he whispers something to him and David, looking embarrassed, stuffs the stray cotton back into his bra.  Brad leaves and out comes Toomin, looking very stylish in a ballerina outfit. He even has a cute little tiara on his head. He puts his hands on his hips and then clicks his heels. He spins around and heads back as David goes for yet another round. David poses dramatically and sways his hips. Finally, Jake steps out with a red cheer leader's skirt and a pink shirt  that says "Princess" on it. He has a wig of pigtails. He prances out and shakes his stuff, then purses his lips. He walks back to the curtain, passing David who's on his fourth run. Jake goes back and David continues to walk the catwalk. He bends down and pretends to receive flowers and blows kisses. He mouths out a few thank yous. After five minutes of this, Jake kills the fashion music. 

          "I'm not a girl! Not yet a woman…" David sings passionately. 

WHACK!

          Jake hits him upside the head.

          "Knock that off we have stuff to do!" he yells.

          "Sorry Jake." 

          "It's Jakeyella now." he says with stern, painted lips and way too much blush. Jake turns to all of them.

          "SOUND OFF!" he barks. He points to David.

          "Daffodil." Then he points to Brad.

          "Bradine." He says. Jake points to Toomin who  apparently went crazy with the eyeliner as it is drawn all around his eyes in doodles of airplanes and flowers and unicorns.

          "Toomin." He says. Jake gets in his face.

          "That's not feminine enough!" he says angrily.

          "It's a gender neutral name back on Ket! Both girls and boys can have it. I mean, how many of them will know the difference?" Toomin argues.

          "Fits you perfectly then doesn't it Toomin?" David says and the others all giggle. Toomin looks down, his manhood offended.

          "All right men, I mean _women. Let's go do some serious undermining!" Jake declares._

          "Oh you know it sweetheart!" David throws his hand  daintily and says. All of the cross-dressers walk to the ladder and begin to climb down.

          Air Wolf sits on a throne as two men fan her with giant banana leaves.

          "Aren't those men dead yet??!" she shrieks and sends the two men beside her tumbling down the golden steps. The Powerpuff girls land daintily.

          "I'm afraid not your Highness, they  seem to have disappeared." Bubbles says in her high, innocent voice.

          "No one disappears on us! We find them and then clobber'em!" Buttercup does a vicious karate chop.

          "Do what she says!" Air Wolf points to Buttercup. Blossom shrugs and the three of them soar off. 

Blossom heads the trio as they soar throughout the studio. They approach three sets. Blossom stops them all.

"Wait! I think we can cover more ground if we all split up. Buttercup, go to the left, I'll take the center and Bubbles you go right." 

"Right!" Buttercup acknowledges.

"No, I'm going right!" Bubbles says.

"I meant yes, not right!" Buttercup changes her phrasing.

"So I'm going left?" Bubbles asks.

"No, I am going left." Buttercup corrects. Bubbles looks to Blossom.

"Buttercup is right." she says then realizes her mistake.

"But I thought I was going right!" Bubbles exclaims. Buttercup smacks her head.

"Okay, let's go over this again. I go forward, Buttercup goes to my left and you go to my right." Bubbles still looks at Blossom confused. Blossom sighs in exasperation,

"All right, I'll start again. I go forward, Buttercup is gonna go in that direction and you---" Buttercup interrupts Blossom's directions as she picks Bubbles up and hurls her in the right direction. 

"Thanks Buttercup." Blossom says. Buttercup nods and zooms left as Blossom goes forward.

The four guys sneak along a wall side, Jake leading. He then stops.

"Abou face!" he cries out and the guys all stop and roll their eyes. 

"Someone else needs to go ahead." He announces.

"Why Jake, I mean, Jakeyella?" Brad asks.

"Because, as leader, if I go in front, then I could be killed and you all would be leaderless." Jake explains.

"But I would become leader!" David pipes up. Toomin, Jake and Brad stare.

"You see what I mean."  Jake says. 

"Like crystal." Brad takes Toomin and shoves him ahead.

"Hey!" Toomin cries out, then turns to Jake, 

"Jaaaake, he pushed me!" he whines and  points at Brad.

"Now, now, no one likes a tattle-tale. Be a good girl and lead!" Jake says. Toomin groans, but goes ahead anyway. They resume walking and as they do, Toomin hears the other guys laughing behind him. He hangs his head as he listens to Jake stifle a snicker. He can hear  Brad whisper a imitation and the others barely contained guffaws. Toomin begins walking faster to leave them behind. He then stops and listens. The others are silent. He turns around hopeful. Brad looks to David looks to Jake, all with apathetic faces. David twitches and Jake coughs. Brad fidgets and his face contorts. David purses his lips and a giant grin spreads on Jake's face. Finally,  

"TOOMIN IS A GIRLY GIRL!!!!!" Brad shouts. David and Jake collapse to the floor in humorous rapture. Jake beats the floor madly with his fists and David rolls around, holding his stomach.   Toomin frowns and clenches his fists. Then he simply takes to the air and leaves the others behind. 

"I hate my life…." he sighs and zips along.

          "If only I could meet someone who appreciated me." he continues. Suddenly,

BAM!

          "Ahhh!"

          "Yipes!"

          Toomin and Bubbles collide. 

          "Ahhhh!" Bubbles cries out as she falls. 

          *gasp*! Toomin flies after her. Before she hits the ground far below, Toomin manages to rescue her.

          "Huh?" Bubbles notices that she hasn't become a smear on the concrete. Toomin sets her down. 

          "Thank you so much!" Bubbles hugs Toomin. 

          "You're welcome." Toomin says somewhat stunned.

          "You're such a wonderful person for saving me!" Bubbles continues, hugging even tighter. Then she pulls away.

          "How can I ever repay you?" she asks. Toomin darts his eyes.

          "You're welcome. I have to go now." He prepares to fly away.

          "Where are you going? Do you have other friends you need to go back to?" Bubbles asks. Toomin opens his mouth to explain but then stops to think. He remembers all the ridicule, taunting and general meanness. Not just from Jake and the others, but throughout the whole show:

          _"I have to go refresh my mortal system. These bodies need upkeep you know…" Toomin starts to get up.     _

_          "You stay Toomin. We need four players!" Drew calls._

_          "You're not the boss of me!" Toomin rages. Greg takes him and throws him back down into the chair where he slumps and stews in anger. _

_*           *_

_          Gem glowers at Toomin and raises the vial in her hand._

_          "Nooooooooooooooo!!!" Toomin yells. Gem raises her hand and then stops._

_          "Oh wait a minute." She pulls out a device and clicks a button called 'slow mo'. Toomin nods._

_          "Noooooooooooo!!" he yells in a lower voice, as Gem raises her hand up and slams the vial downward. Toomin dives as the vial tumbles in the air._

_          "Ahahahahahahahaaa…." Gem laughs evilly in a low voice. Toomin, still diving, reaches for the vial. _

_SMASH!! The twinkling of broken glass as the vial breaks into a thousand pieces. Gem clicks the device again, bringing them back to normal motion._

_          "NOOOO!!! My immortality!!!!" he weeps over the spilt mojo._

_                    *   *_

_ "That's re-goddamn-diculous!" Toomin declares._

_"Oh shut up Toomin, you're part female anyway." Jake smirks._

_"WHAT?! I'm all man!" Toomin thumps his chest._

_"That's not what Rachel told me." Jake grins. Toomin inches forward, blushing._

_"Exney on the emale stay."  He whispers and taps his nose. Jake raises his eyebrows._

_"What's he talking about?" David asks. Jake leans backwards and whispers something._

_"Wow! You're your own girlfriend!" David exclaims._

_"Tehehheheee!" the others titter and giggle. Toomin narrows his eyes._

          *   *

Toomin turns around.

"Actually I don't have to go anywhere." He says to Bubbles.

"Great! My name is Bubbles!" she introduces herself.

"I'm Toomin." He introduces himself.

"That's a pretty name! And I like your outfit. Are those unicorns on your face?" she points out.

"Ummm…." Toomin trails.

"Because I like them." Toomin smiles,

"Do you wanna go do something?"

"Well, actually I do have to be somewhere…." Bubbles digs her foot 

into the ground and says in a lower voice. 

          "Oh?" Toomin asks. Then Bubbles stops and thinks. She remembers Blossom's patronizing talk and how Buttercup threw her. 

          "You know what, I don't have to be anywhere after all. Wanna go flying?" Toomin nods and the two new friends fly away.

Meanwhile with our guys….

          "Hey does anyone know where Toomin went off to?" Jakeyella asks.

          "To the powder room?" Brad suggests and David cracks up.

          "I'm serious! He's supposed to be guarding us!" Jake cries out.

          "Oh here he is!" David points to the sky as a green streak zips toward them.

          "Since when did Toomin get that green dress?" Jake asks and before anyone can respond, Buttercup is on him and pummeling him.

          "Toomin knock it off!" David tries to pull her off.

          "That's not Toomin!" Brad exclaims.

          "Darn right! I'm Buttercup!" She says and points to herself.

          "From the PowderPuff girls???" Jake says in a daze.

          "That's _PowerPuff!!!!" Buttercup deals him a nasty uppercut. _

          "Hey! We're um, women! We're on your side!" David steps in.

          "Yea, beat us up and you're beating up your own!" Brad joins in with his high-pitched voice. 

"Well, apparently you haven't heard of cat fights." Buttercup says.

"Oh yea, I forgot about those…." Jake says as he sits up, little birdies dancing around his head coupled with stars.

"Besides…." Buttercup says and flies up,

"I see Paris, I see France, I see all your underpants!" she says and puts her X-ray vision on.

"Good! Cuz I just got the new line of Joe Boxer pants. How do they look?" Jake shows himself off.

"Ewww! Icky Icky Boys! I'm gonna clobber you!" Buttercup raises a threatening fist. 

"It's three against one, you're not gonna win!" Brad says triumphantly. 

"Who says I'm alone?" Buttercup lands and pulls something out of her pocket. The guys start to tremble and pull back. Then…

"Wait a minute, that's just Pichachu!" David points out. Sure enough, the cuddly, little yellow _Pokemon character sits contentedly on the floor._

"Hah! You and your cutsy wutsy characters. He's as harmless as Vin Diesel!"  Jake chortles. Buttercup smiles. Suddenly,

"GROWOWERRRRR!" The Pichachu roars and leaps on them.

"Ahhhhh!" They all scream in unison. First it bites Brad, ripping on his collar bone.

"AHHHHH!" Brad shrieks.

"Back you wretched beast!" David picks up a baseball bat from a nearby prop set and prepares to hit the Pichachu went it dislodges from Brad and goes after him,

          "Arrrrgghhh!" The carnivorous Pichachu [ brought to you courtesy of Super Hurricane] bites his head. Then the Pichachu jumps to Jake and the three are caught in utter pandemonium  with the deadly little critter [ _a la Monty Python and the Quest for the Holy Grail]. Buttercup  nonchalantly pulls out her favorite net and  whistles as she throws it over the guys who are still trying to fend off the murderous Pokemon. As the net falls on them we can hear the snarls of the yellow monster blending with the horrified cries of the boys into one, awful melody._

With Bubbles and Toomin….

          "Girls just wanna have fun! Oooo girls, just wanna have f-un!"  Bubbles and Toomin sing as they fly in the midst of fluffy pink clouds and singing birds. They swirl in spirals, Bubbles leaving an electric blue trail.  

          "Heheee!" Bubbles takes a cloud and makes a 50s style hairdo for Toomin. Toomin takes a cloud and gives Bubbles a mustache. They collapse into a fit of giggles and zoom off. Toomin, with a light heart starts singing,

          "Some-body once told me the world was gonna roll me. I ain't the sharpest tool in the shed…." Bubbles giggles excitedly.

          "She was looking kinda dumb with her finger and her thumb in the shape of an L on her fore-head…" Bubbles picks up the song. Then the two take each others hands and zoom downward, singing the  next verse together.

          "Well, the years start coming and they don't stop comin'." The two leave the clouds.

" Fed to the rules and I hit the ground running. Didn't make sense not to live for fun" Toomin and Bubbles start crisscrossing in the air. 

" Your brain gets smart but your head gets dumb." They tap their heads and then soar over the city outside of the studio.

" So much to do, so much to see…" they go past the zoo, a park, an ice-cream parlor, with people staring at them.

 "So what's wrong with taking the back street? You'll never know if you don't go." They bank right and shoot upwards.

" You'll never shine if you don't glow." Then they enter  a rock concert.

"What the f---" a person starts to say as the two come in.

"Hey now! You're an all-star! Get your game on, go play!" They wave their hands with the rest of the wide-eyed crowd. 

"Hey now! You're a rock-star! Get the show on, get paid." They dance onstage with the bewildered rock group. 

"All that shimmers is gold! Only shooting stars, break the mooold…." Then the two take off.

"It's a cold place and they say it gets colder." They sing from Alaska. Some ice climbers fall off their grips as the two zoom by.

"Ahhhh!"

"You're bundled up now wait till you get older, but the meteor men beg to differ…." They go to an observatory where the computers are going wild.

"Judging by the hole in the satellite picture." They hold up a satellite picture and point [this is going somewhere I swear!]

"The ice we skate is getting pretty thin…." They skate on an indoor rink, pretending to be Russian Olympic winners and hitting people as they pass.

"The water's getting warm so you might as well swim!" They play in a kiddie pool.

"My world's on fire, how 'bout yours?" they stand by a campfire.

"AHHHHH!" the campers scream.

          "That's the way I like it and I never get bored!" They take off and head south.

          "Hey now, you're an all star, get your game on, go play." They fly by farms and fairs where people lift their binoculars to observe the bizarre phenomenon. 

          "Hey now, you're a rock-star, get the show on get paid." They fly over a sign that says 'Welcome to Texas!'. 

          "All that shimmers is gold…" They fly over some property. The computers inside start going haywire.

 'Locating foreign ships. Calculating….' The computer announces in a monotone voice.. A bodyguard reads them off. 

          "Looks like it's those damn Iraqis again." 

          "Thought they'd kill Bush while he's in his glamorous ranch house! Fire the defense system up boys!" The lead guard says. The lawn outside starts shaking.

          "Only shooting stars, break the---wumph!" 

BAM!

          Bubbles and Toomin run into a giant brick wall that  has popped up.

          "Ugh…mold….." they groan as they slip down the wall.

Meanwhile, with the guys….

          Blossom touches ground and inspects Buttercup's work.

          "Great job Buttercup!" she gives her the thumbs up,

          "But where is Bubbles???" she looks around. 

          "Oh she'll be back soon I bet. Probably found some puppy-dog show to distract her. Lets take these losers back to our boss." Buttercup says. Blossom nods and grabs one end of the net while Buttercup grabs the other. They fly off with the bruised and battered guys.

          "Toomin is our only hope!" Jake  exclaims.

          "We're doomed!" Brad declares and the three guys break down into tears.

The group arrives at Air Wolf's base, the royal court where dozens of women are gathered. 

          "You! Eat this cupcake in a sensual manner!" Air Wolf commands of an office employee who has been brought trembling before her.

          "But I don't know how  to your highness! Please! I have nothing to do with this fanfic war!" he pleads.

          "DO IT!" She screams. The Amazonian guards knock him on the head and a cupcake is presented. The man shakes and quivers as he starts to lick the frosting.

          "EEEEEEEEE!" The women in the court shriek with delight. 

          "Uh, your highness?" Blossom taps her.

          "What?!" she snaps.

          "We brought the jerks back." She thumbs to the squirming net. 

          "Ahh excellent!" she claps and goes up to the nets.

          "Men are such predictable idiots." She chortles. 

          "This lipstick feminism is getting tiresome…."  Jake says from the net. Air Wolf kicks him.

          "Shut up man-creature!" Then she peers closer and starts to count.

          "1, 2, 3…." She stops.

          "THREE! There should be four!!!" She shouts.

          "We'll go find him!" Buttercup immediately steps up.

          "Good, get on it!" Blossom and Buttercup take off once more. Air Wolf goes back to the man who has cupcake frosting all over his face.

          "Eat this baklava in a sensual manner." Air Wolf holds up a plate.

          "But---" the man starts to argue.

          "DO IT!" The man takes the plate as the women raise a joyful uproar again.

          "EEEEEEEEE!"

With Toomin and Bubbles….

          "Who sent you?!" 

          "What are your plans?!"

          "How did you come here?!"

          "What's the capital of Iceland?!" The bodyguards hurl their inquires to Bubbles and Toomin who are tied in a chair.

          "Please! We're not here to hurt the prezeedent! We were just singing!" Bubbles cries.

          "I do know the capital question though! It's Reykjavick." Toomin pipes up.

          "Ahh a smart guy huh?" a bodyguard taunts.

          "I used to rule the universe so yea, I'm pretty damn smart." Toomin says. A bodyguard socks him in the stomach.

          "Tell us what your connection to Saddam is!" one of them yells.  

          "There is  none!" Bubbles cries out.

          "It's funny , that Saddam Huessain. They should call him 'So damn insane!'" Toomin laughs only to be punched again. At that point Blossom and Buttercup fly in. 

          "Reinforcements!" one of the guards cries out. Blossom and Buttercup each pick a guard up and hurl him outdoors. They take out the rest with a combo of kicks and fist moves.

          "Bubbles what are you doing at President Bush's  Glamorous Ranch Estate in the great state of Texas?" Blossom asks as Buttercup uses her fire vision to burn the ropes off. 

          "And who is this girl?" Buttercup points to Toomin.

          "That's my friend Toomin! We were just flying and singing Smashmouth---"

          "When we got a whole new meaning of the name if you know what I mean." Toomin rubs his aching jaw.

          "Well, we have been searching for the past half hour for this last cursed rebel. We can't find him so lets all just go back and they can send a second group out." Blossom reasons. Bubbles nods and the four take off. 

          The group touches down once more in the court of the fanfic author.

          "GO, GO, GO, GO!" The women cheer as the man from the past court scenes runs around inside a large hamster wheel. Many of the girls are holding money in their fists and rooting in a loud, obnoxious manner.

          "EEEEEEEEEEEEE!" they shriek as the man falls down and is tossed by the momentum of the cycle. 

          "We return again you highness." Blossom announces. Air Wolf doesn't take notice as she is rummaging in a box full of silly costumes. The soundtrack for _The Scarlet Pimpernel likes on the ground beside her. _

          "That's why the Lord created man…" she sings as she inspects a big pink feather and sticks it in a hat. 

          "Uh, your highness? Great Emperorship…" Blossom starts again. 

          "High and Might One…" Buttercup trails.

          "O Majestic Queen…" Bubbles tries.

          "Glorious Goddess of the High Order…" Blossom makes up.

          "Ooo I like that one." Air Wolf finally acknowledges them. 

          "We couldn't find the last rebel." Buttercup informs with some regret. 

          "But we tried our very best!" Bubbles adds quickly. Air Wolf frowns.

          "Hmmmmm….I don't like the thought of some rebel scheming out there, sneaking, plotting my overthrow….but somehow the thought of seeing a live performance of the my favorite play puts that worry to ease." She takes the trunk and walks away snickering. 

          She comes to the guys and drops the trunk in front of our three, would-be, cross-dressing heroes. They make a resounding gulp.

          "Toomin! Don't you wanna see the play?" Bubbles grabs Toomin's arm and starts to tug him along. Toomin shrugs. 

          "Okay, what play?" He asks as he follows Bubbles. They enter a make-shift theater and take their seats next to Blossom and Buttercup. Air Wolf sits in a special box overseeing the theater. The red curtain goes up and there we see David, Jake, Brad and the guy from the hamster wheel all dressed up in ridiculously fancy, colorful attire. The music comes on and they begin to sing,

David: " Peacocks!"  

Jake: "Sink me!"

Brad: "Think ye, sir"

Man: "How the feathered males"

Brad: "Love to flaunt those tails!"

 Jake: "Stallions!"

David: "Zounds sir!"

Man: "Hounds sir! Stags!"

Brad: "Of the goosie and the gander, sir"

Jake: "Which gender is the grander, sir"

David: "To render the total candor, sir"

Man: "The splendor is the male's!"

Jake: "But someone has to strike a pose!"

David: "And bear the weight!"

Brad: "Of well-tailored cloths!"

All: "And that is why the Lord created men!"

          "_The Scarlet Pimpernel?" Toomin raises and eyebrow. _

          "Shhhhhhhhh!" Buttercup shushes him. 

Man: "Be an example of your sex!"

Jake: "Give your boot a dapper strap!"

David: "And it's smarter if your garter"

Brad: "Has some snap!"

David: "Cravats should be flounced"

Man: "About our necks"

Jake: "Thought I do not mean to scrap!"

Brad: "Every eunuch knows his tunic"

Man: "Has to flap!"

Jake: "Now to strike the shirt"

David: "And pike the skirt"

Brad : "Embroider those lapels!"

Man: "Be the king of the beasts in pastels!"

Brad: "But someone has to strike a pose"

Jake: "And bear the weight of well-tailored cloths"

Man: "Each species needs a sex that's fated"

David: "To be highly decorated!" 

All: "AND THAT IS WHY THE LORD CREATED MEEEEEEEEN!!!!"

          The four finish singing as the women erupt into applause, whistling and some jeering. 

          "Bravo, bravo!" Air Wolf claps.

          "Hehehehee! That was cute!" Bubbles giggles. The four guys have a look of degraded pride on their faces, when Brad suddenly spots Toomin. He nudges Jake and David and they follow his gaze. Toomin smiles and approaches the stage. The three guys look overjoyed and hopeful as Toomin walks right up to them. Toomin opens his mouth and they all hold their breath,

          "HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAAAAAAAAAAA!" Toomin laughs heartily at them. Bubbles takes his hand and he leaves with her.

          "Awwww…if only we hadn't teased him!" Jake says ruefully.

          "Why do we guys have to be so immature?" Brad bemoans. They all look to David who is still following Toomin with his eyes.

          "I think he has a plan to save us!" David says cheerily. Jake takes his prop, a cane, and whacks David on the head, knocking his fancy hat off. 

           __

Bubbles and Toomin continue to laugh as they walk along.

          "So where are we going now?" Toomin asks as he wipes away a tear from his eye. Bubbles gets an almost devilish gleam in her eye.

          "We're going to---" Bubbles pushes open a door.

          "DRINK!" she shouts. Toomin gazes at the multitude of woman clinking drinks and passing around sodas. Toomin gets a cherry coke.

          "OOOOOOhhhh I thought you meant, get _drunk." He says and takes a sip._

          "No silly! Why would we do something irresponsible like that?" Bubbles giggles.

          "Yea I mean it's just soda." Blossom slurps her Sprite.

          "All we're gonna do is have a Belching Contest!" Buttercup shouts.

          "Yeaaaaa!" All the women cheer.

          "Belching Contest???? Isn't that a little…..manly?" Toomin says, uneasy.

          "Manly? Yea, those guys _think they can belch, but as everyone knows, women are superior to men in belching!" Blossom says. _

          "So let's start out!" Buttercup takes a sip of Pepsi and unleashes a mighty belch. Judges give her a 7, 8,  and a 5.6. 

          "My turn!" Blossom drinks and belches, earning a 7.8, a 9, and a 8. Bubbles goes next, burping loudly and getting a 9, 9, and a 7.5.

          "What? A 7.5?!" she shouts.

          "It didn't last long enough!" the judge shouts back. Bubbles sighs and turns to Toomin.

          "Okay Toomin, your turn!" All eyes focus on Toomin, trembling and holding his Cherry Coke. He rubs the back of his neck, then takes a sip. He draws in a deep breath and….

          *burp*

          Everyone continues to stare.

          "No, no, no, wait, wait, that was just a warm-up…." Toomin goes to take another sip, but then Air Wolf yanks his coke away.

          "MAAAAAAAAAN-CREAAAAAAATUUUUURE!!!" she bellows. All the females gasp.

          "No! I'm as feminine as can be!" Toomin begs.

          "Any REAL woman would be able to belch properly!" Air Wolf declares. Blossom pulls off Toomin's costume.

          "*gasp* He IS a guy!"

          "How the hell can you tell? I'm an alien!" says Toomin.

          "Toomin, you're a guy?" Bubbles says, emotional. 

          "Ohhh Bubbles, I'm sorry I lied to you….it was all apart of this crackpot scheme Jake thought up!" Toomin points to Jake and the others who are swinging from cages bolts to the ceiling. 

          "It seemed like a good idea at the time…." Jake  defends. 

          "Nevermind that, this he-man must be dealt with! In the greatest extreme!" Air Wolf grinds a fist into her palm. All the women gather around, with vicious looks in their eyes.

          "WAIT!" Bubbles jumps in front of Toomin.

          "Get out of the way Bubbles!" Buttercup shouts.

          "He's a dirty, icky boy who lied to you!" Blossom adds.

          "Actually it's not like I ever asked him 'Are you a girl?' and he said 'Yes', he was just dressed as a girl and I assumed…."

          "Wait a moment, with your X-ray vision, couldn't you tell he was a guy?" Air Wolf asks.

          "Well for the first few minutes I assumed, then yea, I did figure it out…."says Bubbles. Toomin blushes crimson at the thought.

          "Then why didn't you turn him in?" Blossom asks.

          "BECAUSE I LOVE HIM!" Everyone goes silent, except for the sound of crickets. 

          "That's the oldest excuse in the book!" Air Wolf derides.

          "Really I do!" Bubbles goes up to Toomin, "I really do like you Toomin, you're fun and nice and compassionate!"

          "Awwww shucks Bubbles! I love you too!" The two embrace each other and kiss.

          "Awwww…." The guys in the cage say.

          "Ewwwwwww…." All the women are like.

          In the midst of the kiss, Toomin is charged with a white glow.

          "What the…..?" he looks himself over.

          "*Gasp* Toomin what's happening?" Bubbles says, in awe.

          "I think I'm getting some of my Ellimist powers back!" Toomin starts to levitate and glow even brighter.

          "Awww the power of true love!" The man in the cage swoons.

          "Shut up you!" A woman rattles his cage.

          "Oh no you don't!" Air Wolf moves to pull out a weapon but Toomin shoots a beam of light at her.

          "AHHHHHH!" Air Wolf  becomes frozen in a block of ice.

          "HAHA!" The guys point and laugh. 

          "GRRRRRRR!" All the women charge Toomin, but stop in their tracks. Toomin gives them something.

          "EEEEEEEEE!" They squeal with delight and charge off the set, leaving just Bubbles,   a frozen Air Wolf, Toomin, and the guys in the cages. Toomin floats up and knocks the locks off, freeing the guys. He floats back down and the glow fades.

          "Wow thanks a bunch Toomin!" Jake shakes his hand vigorously.

          "But what the heck did you give them to make them run away like that?" Brad asks.

          "Oh, a coupon for a free foot massage at Este Lauder Spa."

          "EEEEEEEE!" Bubbles jumps up and flies off to catch up with the other women.

          "Bubbles!" Toomin cries after her.

          "Oh well, you'll see her at the finale I guess." The man puts a hand on his shoulder.

          "Who are you anyway?" Brad turns to the man.

          "Why I'm Dan Patterson!"

          "The producer of Whoseline?" Jake asks.

          "Oh yea." Dan Patterson answers.

          "So let's get on with that finale then shall we?" Dan Patterson ushers the way.

          "Yup, only one chapter left!" David says happily and they all walk off. 

*************************************************************

Note: I did take that Saddam joke from _The Simpsons, so just to let you know and so I don't get sued._

          I don't own any of the lyrics I used in this piece. __


	14. Round 4: Lenalaye vs Akisis

*************************************************************

Lenalaye  vs. Akisis   ( Plus, Ryan, Ax, Tobias)

          Akisis and the others sit in an office they managed to sneak into. Ax sits in a chair munching on a Mars bar as Tobias twiddles his thumbs. Ryan rests on the edge of the desk, arms crossed and downcast.

          " I don't have my laptop, this whole thing is doomed!"  he declares. 

          "Well what do we do? If only Christopher had survived to give us the magic scented candles, then maybe it would have solved this!" Akisis yanks at her hair.

          "And if I had been able to write a stupid connecting piece." Ryan mutters.

          "So what do we do-ooo?" Ax asks.

          "Why is someone always asking that question in this fic?" Ryan wonders.

          "Well…wait a minute. In addition to not having a laptop,  Ryan's suffering because he doesn't have his muse. He can't write or do anything, he's helpless! Defenseless, incapable, hindered, powerless, invalid, impotent…"

          "We get the idea Tobias!" Akisis shouts.

          "And where do you get at calling me impotent?" Ryan asks angrily.

          "Sorry it was in my Thesaurus." Tobias holds up a yellow book. 

          "Anyway, what were you saying?" says Akisis. 

          "Oh yea! What I was saying is, that if Lenalaye didn't have her muse, she'd be the same way!"

          "In need of diapers? Errs…?" Ax mouths out the sounds.

          "Ewww Ax! We don't mean it that way! What Tobias is saying is that without Odrin, Len's as weak as Ryan here! That with the loss of her candles will slow her down until Ryan can  retrieve the laptop, write a connecting piece and end the story!" Akisis says excitedly. 

          "So how do you propose doing that? She's got an entire army!" Ryan exclaims.

          "Yessss…but her other-er-er armies have been defeated-ed-ed-ed, ted. She is weakened already. Removing this muuuuse of hers would be a final, crippling, debilitating, incapacitating, enfeebling, injuring---"

          "Tobias, take that Thesaurus away!" Akisis orders. Tobias sighs and grabs the book out of Ax's hands.

          "Blow. It might also be wise to gather the others from the ABC lobby, I think it's lobby C. Eeeeeee Ceeeeeeeeee. They could give us extra firepower and possibly help us  end the fic." Ax finishes talking.  

          "Hmmm… not to mention, as Len's muse, she might have entrusted Ryan's laptop to him….but how to kidnap a muse…how to go about it?" Akisis starts wandering around the room.

POOF!!!

          "AHHHHH!" 

CRASH!

          "UGAMAFOO!" a lemur jumps away from the ruined desk and bounds away. KAA untangles herself from Ax and Tobias. The smoke clears.

          "What the ___!" Ryan shouts a censored profanity. 

          "What's going on?!!" Akisis asks.

          " Ax? Tobais?…" he looks at Ax and Tobias crawling out of the desk, coughing and dusting themselves off. KAA leaps up and looks around.

          "Where'd he go?!!" she asks hurriedly.

          "Where did who go?" Tobias asks. 

          "Eehehheheee…." The dust settles and the ring-tailed lemur from Madagascar stands on the sill, grinning broadly.

          "You little jerk! I'll get you yet!" KAA shakes a fist at him.

          "Ugami dublamanast! Koooooookoooooooreeeeeee!" he blows a raspberry after this garbled taunt and speeds away, cartoon style.

          "Grrrrrr!" KAA seethes, then turns around to the others,

          "That stupid little lemur led me through a wild chase in my mansion! I was trying to catch him and sell him back to the crazy bonsai man who sold me my Sereasa Snow-Rose tree. The damn bugger came with it and ever since has been wrecking havoc!"

          "How would a four foot lemur hide in a bonsai tree?" Ryan wonders.

          "And why? Lemurs live in Africa, not Japan!" Tobias adds.

          "He was a little disoriented and got the wrong island." KAA explains, then sighs,

          "And now I'm right back here!" 

          "Wait! Maybe you could help us, Lenalaye still isn't finished!"

          "What? After four flippin' chpts?! Geez is anyone even reading this anymore?"

          "No, not really. Eeeeeee! Except like threeeee peeooooople." Ax answers.

          "Anyway, do you know how we should go about kidnapping a muse? We figured that was our best point of attack." Ryan explains.

          "Hmmmm…." KAA rubs her chin. She watches as Ax licks his fingers, brown from the melted chocolate.  KAA snaps her fingers.

          "That just might do the trick!" She brings them all together and they discuss things. They argue a bit, but they at least have the beginning part of the plan.

          "All right KAA, we're depending on you! Don't let us down like you did before with that terrible ending!"  Akisis says as they break up the huddle.

          "Ohhh it's been a year by now! Get off it!" she says as she arms herself with spare change and disappears down the corridor. 

Meanwhile…in the lobby….

          Even though his master sent him along with every other  character on a massive search of the ABC station for the remaining group, Odrin knew he couldn't do anything on an empty stomach. So he stopped by the candy machine.

           Odrin taps his foot anxiously as he stands before a candy machine. He mutters to himself, tapping his wand experimentally here and there. He presses his face against the glass and drools over the candy inside. A few wayward wand shots and laser shots from some battle outside narrowly miss him as he calculates a way to get some treats.

          Odrin turns out his pockets for the umpteenth time and pouts. 

          "Ohhhh it's not fair! I want some candy!" he whines. 

          "Need change little guy?" KAA strolls in. Odrin turns and looks at her suspiciously, but then he realizes that he doesn't' recognize her, so puts on a cute face. He grinds his curly toe shoe into the ground and looks bashful.

          "Um…yes nice lady, ma'am. I would weally like some chochylate. But my mommy forgots to givie me change." he does his best impression of a five-year old. KAA smiles and puts in the necessary amount. Odrin hops up and down happily. 

          "B-45! B-45! B-45! Isa wants a milky way!" he babbles in child dialect.  KAA types it in and the coil spring uncurls to drop the little candy bar into the bin. Odrin's greedy little hands dive for the candy but KAA's are faster. Odrin looks at her in stark anger.

          "Give it to me." he says, dropping the kid act.

          "Not until you sing me a little song." She conditions. A hazy, red aura begins to form around Odrin. He presses forward,

          "I said give it to me." KAA steps back.

          "Awww what, you don't like to sing?" she begins to turn towards the door. Odrin zips into the air, wand held high.

          "GIVE IT TO ME NOW!!!!" 

          "Catch me if you can, I'm the milky way wo-man!" she taunts as she breaks into a run.

          "GAAAARRRR!!!" Odrin takes off in  furious flight. KAA races down the corridor, dangling the milky way bar behind her.

          "C'mon slowpoke! You're no fun!"

          "Fun-less like a fox!" Odrin yells unintelligibly. KAA banks down one way and Odrin zips after her. 

          "Just think about it! Creamy chocolate, tasty caramel and chewy nugget! All blended together in one bar!"  

          "GIVE IT TO ME!!!!" Odrin yells and saliva flicks out of his mouth.

          "Do your ears hang low, do they wobble to and fro, can you tie them in a knot, can you tie them in a bow---C'mon Odrin! Sing with me!-- Can you throw them over your shoulder like a continental soldier, do your ears hang low!" she sings as she sprints.

          "I'LL HANG YOUR EARS LOW!" he bellows. KAA is running top speed and having the time of her life. She suddenly clutches her side.

          "Ohhh I'm getting a stitch! Better end this now," she turns around and sees Odrin racing like a blur behind her.

          "You really want it?" she asks, keeping pace,

          "YES!!" he yells back. 

          "Okay." KAA lets go  of the milky way as she banks left, Odrin blasts to get the candy bar.

          "Haha!" he says with the candy in hand, but then sees the wall speeding towards him.

          "Mommy…" he squeaks and bashes into the wall.

BAM!

 He slides down it and falls to the ground. KAA returns to check on him. A sugar lump rises out of his head as little birdies dances around in a circle about him. His tongue lolls out. KAA pulls twine out of her pocket  and ties him up, sticking the candy bar in his mouth. 

          " Do your ears hang low, do they wobble to and fro, can you tie them in a knot, can you tie them in a bow…." She hums the rest of the tune as she begins hauling him away. As she draws Odrin behind her, the lemur winks at the camera and hops into Odrin's pocket, snickering. 

Ax and Tobias run into Lobby C of the ABC station.

          "Guys! We need all of you now to help us finish the fic!" Tobias announces.

          "What's the state of affairs?" Jake asks.

          "Well, right now, KAA is in the process of kidnapping Odrin, Lenalaye's muse, and we----"

          "What?! You left things up to KAA? You might as well have sent Benedict Arnold! She's gonna screw us up!" Rachel rants. Cassie puts her hand on her friend's shoulder.

          "Rachel, you have to give her a chance, after all, she is sorta our mother. Do what I do and remember the good times!  Like when she took us all to that lou-ow in Hawaii or when she invited us all to her house for dinner. Not to mention, pay for all your Armani Exchange wardrobe! She's a kind soul who went astray, just give her another chance."         

          "Wow Cassie, that's the most sensitive thing you've said this entire fic!" Wayne exclaims.

          " Bite me!" she snaps.

          "Fair enough…" Wayne sighs.

          "Anyway, Ryan's laptop might or might not be with Odrin, so we might need all of you to go into the fight and steal it back." Tobias says.

          "And we might all need to pitch in, to write the connective piece for Ryan." Ax adds.

          "All right we'll do so. Get the snow globe, we might be able to interrogate those three to find out where Ryan's computer is."  Drew orders. Marco morphs gorilla, Rachel grizzly and Colin, Brad, Greg and David all help to carry the massive snow globe. They lead the procession of characters on their way to the final stronghold.

Odrin opens his eyes to see the picture spinning around him. He gives his head a shake and sees the bright light in front of him. 

          "Mhpphh!" he tries to speak, but his speech is impeded by creamy chocolate, tasty caramel and chewy nugget. He squints painfully at the light. 

          "My daddy taught me how to do this." Bush grins happily.

          "All right Odrin….you know what we want so why don't you just make this easier on yourself and tell us where the laptop is." Marco interrogates.

          "Mphhff!" He cries out in alarm. 

          "He's not talking, negotiations have failed! Bring in the TV!" Toomin shouts. Chip and Jake wheel in a TV.

          "Home is a place in your heart!…." the Carebears movie is playing.

          "MMMMMMMMMPHHHHHHHFF!!!" Odrin screams. 

          "Now tell us! Where's the laptop?!!" Drew shoves the TV in his face. Odrin begins crying. They have him watch five minutes of the movie and he's reduced to screaming hysterics.

          "Maybe we should try the generals now." Greg suggests. They take the TV and aim it at the captured generals still  imprisoned in the snow globe.

          "AHHHHHH!" They all scream with bubbles. 

          "What did Lenalaye do with Ryan's laptop and what is she planning to do?" David shouts.

          "AHHHHHH!" they scream in horror as they watch cuddly little bears and animals play in clouds and rainbow walkways.

          "Okay, take it away…." Tobias waves away the TV. The three generals start to recover.

          "Someone gouge out my eyes!" Air Wolf yells and scratches her face frantically.

          "Tell us what you know!" Colin demands.

          "We don't know anything! She hid the laptop in her cloak and then started ordering us into our groups to go after you!" Momo spills.

          "Yea, then it was all chaos and we didn't see what she did with it afterwards!" EllimistGirl adds.

          "That's not a good enough answer! Fellas! The TV!" Akisis orders. The TV is wheeled back in front of them.

          "Oh no! The Caring Meter has dropped two whole points! If it gets down to zero, it will be the end of Carealot!" a green bear says. 

          "AHHHHHHH! YOU'RE INHUMAN!!!"  Momo screams.

          "Don't think we don't have the second one on tape too!" Brad holds up a colorful tape box entitled_ Carebears II: The Next Generation. _

          "All right! All right! We have dirt on Len!" Air Wolf confesses.

          "Air Wolf! You can't tell them what you're about to tell them!" Ellimistgirl calls out.

          "Like hell I won't! I am not watching fuzzy little bears preaching about sharing feelings one minute longer!  I know Lenalaye's deepest desire!" she confesses. Everyone gasps and there is a brief silence.

          "And that is….????" Marco trails.

          "She wants to be a singer! All her life she's tried to sing and wishes she could be onstage performing in front of people!" she spills.

          "What? I thought she wanted to be a writer, you lie!" Toomin accuses.

          "That too, but she really does want to sing!" Momo jumps in.

          "That can't be true! Her fantasy is to see Linkin Park!" Brad adds.

          "She already did, back in February. During this fic and she even met the guys!" Elli says.

"Hmmmm….and you swear you know nothing else?" Jake asks. They all nod vigorously. 

          "Perhaps we can use that to our advantage somehow…" Chip says and rubs his chin.

          "Back to Odrin…" Greg takes the TV away and shoves it at Odrin.

          "Tell us where the laptop is!" 

          "Forest of Feelings, Carealot and Earth are all the same…." A lion, a monkey, two kids and two bears dance around a tree.

          "MMMPHFFF!" Odrin writhes and whines. 

          "Wow, I mean, if he can take the Carebears, then I don't think we'll ever break him!" David says.

          "Um…did it occur to any of you, that he might be trying to tell us our answer, but can't say it because he has a milky way shoved in his mouth???" Cassie points out.

          "Huh? Well that just might be it!" Bush yanks the sticky bar out of the fairy's mouth and Odrin gasps for breath.

          "In my left pocket! It's in my left pocket oh for crying out loud it's in my left pocket!!!!" he collapses into a shameless sob . Akisis goes into his left pocket, and sure enough, pulls out Ryan's laptop. A mighty cheer raises up. 

          "Heheheheheee!" but the lemur is at the end of the laptop and yanks it out of Akisis' hands. He jumps away and onto a shelf high above the room. 

          "Seeeeesiiiooo huggjak na manta le sumath a threebatoo!" he shouts triumphantly.

          "Edbawou gensaki na na tubloto…." He then says in  a low tone.

          "Huh????" everyone says. The lemur sighs.

          "Fine, I'll talk in English, uncultured swine…" he mutterers, then holds up the laptop, " I have a proposition for you." he announces.

          "What do you want?" Ryan asks as he steps forward. The lemur grins.

          " My name is Kizitara and I'm no regular lemur. I'm a spirit from the astral plane of existence and I must say I have taken a rather liking to this story." He says.

          "I see, well, if you like it so much, why don't you give us the laptop so that we can finish it properly?" Ryan asks. 

          "Well you see therein lies the problem," Kizitara sits down and taps the laptop with his long fingers, 

          "I don't think I want this fic to end just yet." There is a resounding groan.

          "But it's gone on for more than a year…." KAA moans.

          "I know, I know and she didn't update regularly, blame him." Kizitara  points to Odrin. Odrin then looks up , sees Kizitara and gasps.

          "Kizitara! What are you doing here???" he asks , somewhat afraid. Kizitara chuckles.

          "Ah Odrin my friend, you think I would have stayed out of this aspect of Lenalaye's life for long? Me? Her spirit guide?" 

          "Spirit guide?" Ryan repeats.

          "Is there an echo in here? Yes! Spirit guide!" he says.

          "You mentioned a proposition…" Ryan reminds him. 

          "Ah yes you're right Ryan! Like I said, I'm not sure I'm ready for this fic to end. Yet, I started thinking to myself," Kizitara puts down the laptop and begins pacing,

          "I know you wouldn't agree to  an  extension of this fic by any measure. You're all tired and sick of this story, but I didn't want it to just end on its own. I want it to end the way I like it…" he turns to them.

          "And what's that like?" Ryan asks. Kizitara stops and picks up the laptop, ready to toss it.

          "Ryan, I will give you back this laptop on one condition." He says firmly.

          "What?" Ryan replies in kind. Kizitara tosses the computer into Ryan's hands.

          "You must work the band Hoobastank into this chpt. If you don't, or you have done so poorly, then I will go back in time, snatch the laptop and throw it into a black hole. That way, this fic will never end! Mwuahahhaaa!" the lemur cackles.

          "How do you expect us to do that? I mean, we don't know where Hoobastank is!" Rachel shouts. Kizitara begins to fade out in a wisp of smoke,

          "I will make them appear in the lobby. How you use them, and how successful you are, is up to you…." the last of the lemur vanishes and the others begin to grumble.          

          "Well I guess we have our work cut out for us." Greg says. 

          "Wait a minute! Lenalaye's desire is to sing onstage, and we're being given Hoobastank…we could put the two and two together!" Drew says excitedly.

          "Excellent idea Drew! To the lobby!" Akisis cries out and they race out of the room in a cheer.

Meanwhile…in the ABC lobby…..

The members of Hoobastank sit around, having randomly appeared in the blue chairs. 

"Wow, it's so strange. One minute we're driving and the next we're in some TV station lobby!" Dan, the guitarist comments.

"Do you think we drove into the Bermuda Triangle or something?" Chris, the drummer wonders.

"What? That's off the coast of Florida! We were in Manhattan last time I checked!" Markku, the bassist exclaims. 

"Wait. Maybe if we click out heels together three times and say 'There's no place like the tour bus', we'll go back home!" Doug the lead singer says. 

"Yea Doug, you do that." Dan snickers. Doug gets up and starts clicking his heels together.

"There's no place like the tour bus, there's no place like the tour bus, there's no place like the tour bus…." He opens one eye and looks around.

"Damn!" all the others laugh at him. 

"Maybe it's all because of that gibberish-speaking lemur I saw." Markku mentions.

"Gibberish-speaking lemur? Oh no don't tell us you're on weed…." Chris bemoans.  

          "Besides, lemurs live in Madagascar, not in Manhattan!" Dan says.

          "Maybe he was disoriented and got the wrong island." Markku defends. Suddenly the ground starts to shake.

          "Hahaha! See, it's working! It's working!" Doug points enthusiastically and starts to dance a jig. Then it stops.

          "Ohh…." Dough mopes. The caravan of characters has stopped.

          "Who are you?" Markku asks Akisis and Ryan who lead the mass of characters.

          "Wow, I've never seen so many characters, I would stop reading a fic if there were so many." Dan comments.

          "Do you think that's why so many people have dropped off this thing?" Ryan asks Akisis.

          "What? You're nuts, I mean, I know who we all are. There's you Ryan, and all the other Whoseline cast, plus the Animorphs and just adding Toomin from the Ellimist Chronicles, David from Everworld, KAA and President Bush, why should that be so complicated???" Akisis reasons.

          "Um….what are you doing here?" Chris asks.

          "Do you know a  gibberish-speaking lemur???" Markku blurts out.

          "Kizitara?" Jake asks.

          "Huh?" Hoobastank says.

          "Huh?" Jake echoes.

          "What?" Hoobastank wonders.

          "What?" Jake repeats.

          "Who?"  Hoobastank inquires 

          "Who?" Jake also says puzzled.

          "Shut up both of you!" Rachel silences them.

          "Okay, I'm scared of you chic." Dan says. Rachel's eyes practically glow and Dan leaps behind his chair.

          "Actually, we need your help." Toomin steps up and says.

          "Whoa what the hell are you? You're like some warped angel." Doug says.

          *Gasp!* "Maybe the tour bus crashed and we died!" Markku exclaims. He drops to his knees in front of Toomin.

          "Oh please let me into heaven! I was a good little boy…." He wraps his arms around Toomin's pods.

          "Get off me!" he kicks him off.

          "Listen, we have a little story to tell…." Drew begins about how Lenalaye abducted them the first time, abducted them again, unleashed a war of fanfiction and how they've managed to weaken her.

          "Now, just recently, we got one of her generals to admit that Lenalaye's deepest desire is to sing onstage. Also, we were only given the laptop on the condition that we worked you into the story somehow.  You see why we needed to come here. So, will you help us defeat Lenalaye and end this fic?" Drew asks. The members of Hoobastank all share a look. 

          "Hmmm….Hoobastank huddle!" Doug calls. They all gather together and discuss things.

          "Well, kinda seems pointless to try and make that Manhattan show…plus, these people seem nice." Chris says.

          "You're right Chris!" Doug says and turns around to face all of them,

          "All right, we'll go into the heart of danger and stop this fiend!"  The Whoseline Cast (Ryan- semi-fanfic author, Colin-the bald one, Wayne-the singing african-american one,  Greg - the one with the hair and witt, Chip-the dancing one, Brad- the one who dressed as a woman, Drew-the host), the Animorphs (Jake, Rachel, Marco, Cassie, Tobias, Ax) and the others  (Akisis-renegade fanfic author, President Bush, David-everworld, KAA-animorphs author, Toomin-the former Ellimist) all raise up a  great cheer and grab each other in hugs.

          "Okay, so you should just be able to go out there, ask Lenalaye if she would like to sing and during that time, we'll all write a connecting piece…then the ending will come!" Akisis says excitedly. Another cheer goes up.

          "Can do! We'll see you at the end I guess!" Markku says as they all take up their stuff and go out of the lobby.

          "Good luck!"

          "You guys rock!" 

          "The end! The end is in sight!"

          "Oh thank goodness!"

          "Take that b!@!&^@&*!^ down!"

          "You can do it!" 

          "God bless you!" Everyone shouts out their encouraging remarks and blessings as they wave  Hoobastank off. The band walks out into the dark with the Whoseline? set at the opposite side, like a light at the end of a dark tunnel.

          Lenalaye sits, alone and sad at the Whoseline? desk. She plays with a pen, trying to balance it on her nose.

          "*sigh* Man this sucks….I miss the old times so much….just when it was them all playing games and I was sitting at my computer laughing. It's been like a year since this all began…." Lenalaye does a flash back

More than a year ago….

          "Bwuahahahaahaa! Hehehheee lol!" Lenalaye laughs at her computer screen. Then she goes for a tissue and blows her nose.

          "Oh I hate being sick!" she says, but smiles when she looks at the screen.

          "Man, Ultra Mike is such an awesome author! His 'Quote the Hawk' series is so funny…I wish I could write humor…." She sighs then reads some humorous self insertion fics. Then she closes down AOL and goes into her kitchen. She takes some allergy pills and begins laughing again.

          "Perhaps I can…." She runs up to her laptop, opens it up and begins typing. 

_          Okay I'm out of school on account for sickness and just read a really goofy self-insertion fic. So now I'm going to do one of my own! Special guests include fanfic writers Momo Claus, Rach*, Air Wolf, Mystery Girl, and Danel! Plus, partially including my muse Odrin! NYYYYYYYAAAA!!! Here we go!!! ( damn allergy medicine, I feel…..loopy…..) _

_          We open to Lenalaye sitting in front of her busted laptop.  A document shows with ff.net minimized. Suddenly with a sickly green poof, her muse appears in the candle beside her. He groans._

_          "Odrin! What's up? You don't look good." Lenalaye is indeed right because Odrin is paler than usual and his eyes are drooping._

_          "A-a-a-choooo!" he sneezes. Lenalaye hands him a kleenex._

_          "Dank you." He says and blows his nose. _

_          "Maybe you should go home."_

_          "No! You wanted help on this fic and you're going to get it!" he picks up his muse wand._

_          "Odrin I don't think this is…." Odrin holds his wand up and suddenly sneezes._

_          "Odrin!" Suddenly the computer screen wobbles and sucks the two of them in. They end up in a white void. Lenalaye looks and sees others are with her._

_          "My beta staff? What the hell kind of fic is this?" _

_          THE ONE THAT YOUR MUSE SNEEZED OUT. IN ORDER TO LEAVE YOU MUST TELL A STORY. YOU CAN FEATURE ANYONE OR ANTHING IN THIS._

_          "Ellimist?" Lenalaye asks._

_          THE ONE AND ONLY. SORT OF….          _

_          "Dude can I have your autograph!"_

_          NO_

_          "Pllleeeeeeeease! I'll be your friend!"_

_          NO_

_          "Awwwww you're mean!" _

_          TO ASSIST YOU, HERE IS YOUR PERSONAL BETA STAFF. GOOD LUCK._

_          "Hi" they say in a  collective voice. Lenalaye stumbles over to them._

_          "Thank god! I'm in this weirdo…"_

_          "Fic, yes we know. Odrin transferred you into the fic via his allergies." Said Mystery Girl. Lenalaye blinked. _

_          "How did you…" she gropes blindly.  _

_          "Duh. We were just listening!" Air Wolf rolls her eyes._

_          "This fic's really going somewhere…" _

_          "Says she that has only two stories on this site!"  Lenalaye yells. Air Wolf cringes back._

_          "At least they're actually stories! More than half of your fics are stupid music videos!" Lenalaye looks to the reader._

_          "And you can thank Rb for that." She winks. _

_          "Hey! I'm not on your beta staff and neither is Mystery Girl!" says Momo Claus. Lenalaye blinks. _

_          "This is gettin weird……"_

_          "Shouldn't we be actually doing something?" Danel interrupts._

_          "Well at least I don't put my ideal boyfriend in my fics *cough* Lenalaye!" Air Wolf picks the fight up again._

_          "What can I say? I have a weakness for blondes…." Lenalaye counters._

_          "Look can we do this quickly! I was just finishing my 'Hanging by a Moment Video!'" says Momo Claus. _

_          "Hanging by a moment……" Lenalaye begins to sing and bob her head._

_          "Okay how about we do something about Animorphs? We all read that right?"  Rach* speaks. _

_          "Desperate for changing, starving for truth…" Momo Claus and Lenalaye both sing with their arms around each other. _

_          "Hellllllloooo!" Mystery girl shouts at them._

_          "Letting go of all I've held onto----huh? Oh yeah. The story. Yeah I've always wanted to morph anyway. Ellmisty dude?"_

_ I AM NOT ELLMISTY DUDE._

_          "Listen just put us in the Anirmophs all right?" _

_ SOMETIMES I WONDER WHY I EVEN BOTHER….._

          Lenalaye looks at what she has written.

          "Oh that is crap!" she xs out the document and taps her fingers…suddenly….strangely……she opens up another document and begins writing.

_Don't ask, don't even say a thing. Just let me tell this out, then you can say all you want. Whose Line is it Anyway? Belongs to ABC, not me…._

*End Flashback*__

Lenalaye wipes away a tear.

          "Oh I hate how things change….it's not fair…." She sniffles. Her army returns.

          "We couldn't find anyone you wanted." Max of _Roswell reports back._

          "But we got lots of Snapple!" Michael of _Roswell says, holding up a bottle. _

          "And we found a guy who looks exactly like Mitch Pelegi!" Langley of The Lone Gunmen of _X-Files fame holds up a business guy, partially bald and with glasses._

          "I told you! I'm not Skinner!" he squirms. 

          "That's wonderful Langley." Lenalaye sighs.

          "What's wrong?" Lou Diamond Phillips as John Cainin from _Wolf Lake says as he crouches by Lenalaye._

          "Ohh everything!  I just guess this fic wasn't meant to be…." Unbeknownst to her, Akisis and the others sneak in, and go under the bleachers.

          "I think we can work here. This way, we can keep an eye on Lenalaye. How's the connecting piece going?" Aksis asks.

          "Great!" Ryan gives a thumbs up as the others all discuss  the ending in soft voices._ The picture goes back to Lenalaye._

          "Once, when I was a young girl, I was walking around a plaza at night. I was wearing my jester's hat…it was a time when She ' Daisy was popular and I was perhaps more extrovert," all of Len's army  crowds around to hear the story,

" I remember the great time me and my friends and I had….I can still see it so clearly…the fountain. Someone told me 'Throw a penny in and make a wish!' and as I fingered that penny, I thought, _'If I could make people laugh, that would be the greatest gift in the world…I wish I could make people laugh, in a good way of course…'" Lenalaye finishes up._

"And here I am. Trying to fulfill a dream that was never meant to be…" she sniffles some more. Ryan and the others have stopped and listened to Len's sob story.

"Wow….I never knew…." Akisis says a low voice.

"Man, who here doesn't feel sorry for Lenalaye now?" Ryan asks. 

"Meeeee!" Everyone responds.

"Ditto," Ryan answers and looks back out, 

"Indeed. Well, back to work. Hoobastank should be coming in soon…." Ryan turns around and goes back to his laptop.

"Turn that frown upside down!" Doug says cheerily. Lenalaye looks up through blurry eyes.

*sniffle " Who are you?" she asks.

"Why, Hoobastank of course! Now we were planning on playing a set, but Doug came down with laryngitis…" Markku explains.

"I did?" Doug wonders, everyone stares at him,

"Oh yea!" he then starts coughing and goes into a fit, writhing on the floor. He continues in his conniptions and throes for several seconds.

"That's enough!" Chris kicks him.

"Anyway, we're looking for a singer, and someone told us you have a lovely voice." Dan finishes.

*sniffle* "Really?" 

"Yea, so, how would you like to come up onstage with us?" Dan asks.

"Oh I'd be a bother…" Lenalaye declines.

"No, no, no! You really wouldn't!" Chris endorses.

"Yea, pleaaaaaase??? Your voice is so pretty…" Markku pleads. Lenalaye looks around.

"Well… I guess it kinda is…maybe one song…." She smiles bashfully and gets up. The guys all plug in their instruments and Doug sits on the bleachers. He bends over the side and gives a thumbs up. 

Lenalaye holds the microphone as the music for 'Crawling in the Dark' starts up. Markku and Dan start jammin as Chris provides the beat. 

"Wow, this plan worked out great!" Drew says from underneath the bleachers. 

"Umm….does anyone know if Lenalaye can sing though?" Toomin asks. Everyone shares a worried look. The picture goes back to Lenalaye, onstage. She takes a deep breath and begins,

"I will dedicate 

And sacrifice my every

---thing for just a second's worth

 To find my story's ending. 

And I wish I could know,

  If the directions that I take

 And all the choices that I make

 Won't end up all for nothing!"  She begins to walk around onstage.

"Show me what it's for!

Make me understand it!

I've been crawling in the dark

Looking for the answer

Is there something more?

Then what I've been handed?!

I've been crawling in the dark

looking for the answer…" Greg taps Marco and Bush.

"You can take your fingers out of your ears, she's not that bad…" Lenalaye starts getting really into it.

"Help me carry on 

Assure me it's okay to

Use my heart and not my eyes

To navigate the darkness

Will the ending be

Every coming suddenly?

Will I ever get to see

The ending to my story?!" Len slides on her knees as everyone cheers around her,

"Show me what it's for!

Make me understand it!

I've been crawling in the dark

Looking for the answer

Is there something more?

Then what I've been handed!

I've been crawling in the dark

looking for the answer!…" The audience hoots and hold up signs saying "We love Hoobstank!" and "I (heart) Lenalaye!" 

_Wow, it's just like I always fantasized! Len's heart warms at being welcomed like this._

_Maybe I should just give up writing and become a singer! She gets back on her feet and continues the song,_

"So when it comes will I know?" the last word echoes all around her. Lights flash and lighters flicker on in the audience. Lenalaye starts jumping around and bounding about the stage.

"How much further do I have to go? 

(have to go)" Akisis turns to Ryan. 

"Are you almost done???" she asks.

"And how much longer till I finally know?

(finally know)" 

"Just about!" he answers.

"Cuz I'm looking and I just can't see what's in front of me….

IN FRONT OF MEEEEE!" Lenalaye throws back her head and belts out the last line. Then she lets her hair fall back down.

"Show me what it's for

Make me understand it…

I've been crawling in the dark

Looking for the answer

Is there something more?!

Then what I've been handed?!

I've been crawling in the dark

looking for the answer!…" Lenalaye head bangs and gives one last jump as the song ends. Shouts of acclaim and whistles of approval erupt all around her.

"Thank you! Thank you! And thank you…" she points out into the audience. 

"Yeeeeeeessss! We've got it!" Wayne claps his hands together.

"ALL RIGHT!" Akisis shouts in a whisper and there's a little partying under the bleachers. 

"Ya ready Ryan? The end of this stupid thing?"

"Knowing Lenalaye, it's unlikely this will be the last chapter…" Ryan mutters but slides out anyway. The others follow him, hunched down.

"Thank you all so much!" Lenalaye waves from the stage.

"Hey! Lenalaye! I've got your story's ending right here!" Ryan shouts over the crowd and holds up the laptop.

"And we chained it to his wrist this time!" Toomin points out. Lenalaye looks aghast at Ryan then at everyone else.

"Lies….," she turns around to look at Hoobstank, 

"Lies…." She seethes,

"ALL LIES!!!" she screams.

"I've got a connecting piece and with the ending already written, you'd better step aside!" Ryan says in a dangerous commanding voice. Lenalaye hunches over, her dark hair falling in a wild tangle around her face. Her eyes are dark and inhabited by a murderous glint. A dark aura permeates from her. She snorts and draws back a lip in a snarl.

"Oh I shall not step aside, my dear Ryan…." She growls in a haunting way. She snaps her fingers and her laptop flies into her hand,

"I CALL AN AUTHOR'S DUEL!!!" She cries to the heavens, her words echoing throughout the studio. A darkness befalls the studio.

"Oh no! We've truly gone to hell!" KAA sinks to the ground and bites on her nails. The Whoseline? studio floor is cleared of characters, and Lenalaye steps out into the circle.

"Come here…." She curls a finger and Ryan is jerked forward by an invisible force.

"Geez, who does she think she is? Carrie?" Chip wonders. Lenalaye and Ryan face each other off, under the dark, black lights of the studio, tempered with lightening flashes from white lights. 

Flash!

The effects light up the dark and villainous face of Lenalaye.

Flash!

          And shows the firm twisted look of mutual hatred on Ryan's face. They stop circling each other and Lenalaye's fingers fly on her laptop. Suddenly a black wave rises up and crashes down on Ryan.

"AHHHH!" he struggles under it and a ghostly wail arises. He finds the keyboard on his computer and hastily types something. A sudden twister enters the studio and sweeps up Lenalaye, hurling her around in circles. 

"YaaaaAaaaaAaaaaaaAaaaaAaaaaaaa!"

"And that's ripping off of _Twister…." Greg comments. Lenalaye is finally flung into the desk, which cracks. _

"Grrrrrr…." She types something and a hoard of mice infest the studio. They swarm Ryan and even travel up his pants.

"Owie!" Ryan screams as he feels them bite into his skin. He grows furious and types. A black hawk pierces  the studio with  a cry and strikes Lenalaye. Two,   red slashes run up her face now.

"I think that was actually in the Carebears movie!" Chip exclaims.

"What? What part?" Brad asks.

"When Kim and Jason are running from that spell Nicholas sends, it becomes a hawk at one point!"

"Oh yea! Too bad the Carebears aren't here. They'd do a Carebear stare and stop this!" They continue to watch as Lenalaye combats this with a lightening bolt. Ryan sizzles and convulses as he suffers under the strike.

"Ryan!" Akisis cries out. He fries for five seconds longer, his eyes bulging out and tongue lolling. Then  he collapses and continues to twitch on the floor. 

"NO!" Colin cries out. Drew  and Wayne hold him back as he struggles to get  loose. 

"There's nothing you can do…." Chip says tearfully. Colin collapses also and begins sobbing.

"Oh he was the best friend I ever had…even after I ate his shirt in the first episode!" he cries. Lenalaye walks over to Ryan and smiles.

"AhahahhahaaahahhahaaAHAHAHHAHHAAAA!" she throws back her head and laughs. Ryan opens a eye and his finger creeps to the keyboard. He slowly types something out. 

"Ahahahhaaaaaa---gasp!" Lenalaye suddenly stops laughing. A coil has separated from the floor and wrapped itself around Lenalaye, choking her.

"Is that ripping off Harry Potter???"  Brad wonders.

"Lenalaye!" Momo, EllimistGirl and Air Wolf all cry out.

"Don't kill her!" Elli cries out.

"She's just a little astray!" Momo adds. Lenalaye continues to gag until she falls over. Her laptop clatters to the ground in front of her. She uses her tongue that's lolled out, to type something. The coils disappear and she starts catching her breath. She and Ryan stand up.

"Time for final jeopardy!" Lenalaye calls out. 

"And I think it's obvious where she got that from." Drew says needlessly. Lenalaye pushes a button on her computer and at the exact same time, Ryan pushes a button on his computer. A fiery bolt of blue energy shoots out of Ryan's screen which he has aimed at Lenalaye and a fiery bolt of purple energy surges from Len's screen. The two plumes connect and both Ryan and Lenalaye are lifted off the ground. They begin to spin around in a circle.

"Now _that's ripped from Harry Potter…." Brad points out. Lenalaye and Ryan continue to spin with greater intensity._

WhoooooooooooooOOOOoooooooooOOOoooooooooOOOooooooooo….

"You know you can't hold out any longer so why don't you just give up!" Len shouts over the roaring noise.

"Nya!" Ryan shouts back. The ring of battle is beginning to grow wider and wider. 

"Ahhh when will all this stop??!!" Wayne yells as he puts his hands over his ears. 

"If it doesn't stop soon, we'll all be destroyed!" Doug shouts back.

"Well duh!" Drew replies with a yell. 

"Akisis, you gotta do something!" Ryan says.

"There's nothing I can do!" she screams her reply. 

"What do we do???" Toomin screams.

"AHHHHHHHHH!" Everyone joins in a unison cry of terror. No one notices the little meercat skimping in.

"Hahahaaa! Yummy, yummy, yummy I've got sugar in my tummy…" Christopher bounds in.

"I have magic scented candles and pixie sticks!" he cries out triumphantly. He goes to the middle of the fray.

"Want one?" He holds up a pixie stick in the middle of the energy collision. This turns it a bright and furious pink. The noise is deafening and everything starts to shake mightily. 

"Ooopsies…" he shrinks down.

KABOOM!

*************************************************************

          Oh wow huh? What becomes of everybody?!? I'll post that soon, don't you worry. How did you like the ultimate (or maybe not so ultimate) crossovers? These just come from me and my friends' collective tastes so if you had a series, character (s) that you would have loved to see thrown into this mix, I apologize, I tried. 

          R/R it was still entertaining though right? Tell me! I live off of reviews J and entertaining people. That stupid fic beginning part ( the one in all italics) is actually what I truly did start on the day that this fic began. Yes, it was born out of allergy pills and having read Ultra Mike's stories, quite possibly the funniest fics I have ever read. So Super Ultra Mike, if you're out there, thanks for the inspiration.

NARF!


	15. The Scariest Ending in All History

KABOOM!!!

  Everyone is flung about by the energy surge. The final explosion obliterates the studio. As the smoke clears, everyone picks themselves up, dusts themselves off and cough the debris out of their lungs. All the fanfic writers, fanfic characters and people stand there in the ruins of the ABC TV station.

          "My fic! My beautiful fic!" Lenalaye sinks to her knees and sobs.

          "Serves you right." Drew crosses his arms. 

          "So what do we do now?" Colin asks.

          "Go to the Warsaw? Celebrate?" Ryan suggests.

          "Ahaha! We crippled that fic good!" Greg cheers.

          "Awww…but look guys…." Wayne motions to Lenalaye who is moping in the  remains of her would-be epochal humor fic.

          "I'm ruined! Oh if only I had been in it more! If only I had smaller groups to manage! All the characters that just came into it, it got too confusing!  Waaaaaaaa!" Air Wolf pats her on the shoulder. Akisis approaches.

          "It wasn't ruined! It turned out to be one of the funniest things you ever wrote!" Len looks up.

          "Really? Ya mean it?" 

          "Better than the first by far." She confirms.

          "Yeah! Christopher getting turned into a meercat, Drode singing Limp Bizkit, Brittany Spears,  those guys trying to be Linkin Park….." Momo adds. 

"You included Everworld and Harry Potter!" Air Wolf smiles. Danel suddenly appears. 

          "It was an orchestra of fanfiction and humor. You did great!" he says and gives the thumbs up.

          "Would you say it was narfarific?" Len says and dries her tears. 

          "Definitely." Momo nods.

          "Thanks guys!" Lenalaye draws them into a hug.

          "Maybe now's the time to put that ending of yours to work." Akisis says and smiles. Ryan nods and starts sifting through the wreckage for his laptop. 

           "Well, that was certainly the weirdest episode I've ever done." Chip says. The others nod. 

          "But I wonder, how will we ever be normal?" they sit around and scratch their heads.

          "We never will be…." Drew pouts.

          "But does it matter?" Colin asks. They all look up at him.

          "Yeah, does it matter that we're all strange? That we've seen things that are absolutely nuts? That we've battled against  omniscient beings?" he stands atop a soap box.

          "We're crazy! We're abnormal! Like in American Beauty! The worst thing you can be is ordinary! Maybe we're aliens or we're fanfic authors or we're magicians! Or it could be that we're normal guys and have been lifted from the dull monotony of life and given something better! What's so great about being normal anyway? We freaks get to have all the fun! The worst thing you can be is ordinary and on the scale we are so far from it, we're great!" Colin finishes his speech and a cheer rises up.

          "So we've abandoned normalcy. I guess there's only one thing left to do…." Brad says. Everyone around them nods, catching the unspoken message.  

          "Yeah! Paint ourselves like tigers and go free the animals at the zoo!" Gem Stoned ( the computer author who Toomin fought against) says.

          "No! Not that…." Jade Mishima ( the one with the cooacubo bird? In the 9th chpt?)  corrects her.

          "What then?" she asks Jade. Jade deflects her stare to Ryan and they all smile.

          Suddenly the traditional hoe-down music comes on and everyone starts dancing on their feet.

          "Wheeeeehheee! It's the Ultimate Hoe-down!" Lenalaye cheers. A huge circle forms and Ryan is the first to step in,

"Well I suppose this fic really wasn't bad

          Even though at first I was actually kinda mad

          But what can you do when you fate is surely set

          If you can't beat'em, then join ff.net!" Ryan steps back and Lenalaye goes up.

          "Well now's the time for this project to end

          And give a shout out to all my long-lost friends

          Yea while it took like two years for me  to do

          But at least  after this, I can start anew!" The three generals, Momo, Air Wolf, and Ellimistgirl step up

          "Well I got to command an army on my very own" says Momo.

          " But with all the madness it really made me moan!" says Ellimistgirl

          "At least all that, bad as it was, didn't come even near" says Air Wolf

            "Being forced to watch movies of the Carebear!"  they all shout. Drew Carry comes up.

          "Well for a second remarkable time, my show was stolen

          And it was only the idea of Len's  ruin that kept me goin'!

          Now that all that's done, there's one last thing that's dear

          I'm heading down to closest bar and getting myself a beer!" Jake comes up next.

          "Despite the fact that Animorphs long ago came to an end

          And KAA's cruel ending left us all alone  to fend

          You'd think after that, that I would still be the same

          I started out as a guy and now I've ended up a dame!"  Toomin steps up.

          " Well now that I'm a mortal and earth is my new home

          I no longer have all the mighty universe to roam

          In fact losing all my powers is actually pretty tight

          Cuz  now I've got a girlfriend to party with all night!" Bubbles comes up to him and they share a kiss.  Colin is the next to sing a hoe-down.

          " Well, now, waddaya know all of us are freaks

            The whole rhyme and reason thing, it's all very hard to seek

          This whole ordeal the mind is really does sicken

          At least now I have an excuse to act like a chicken!" Colin does a chicken dance, flapping his arms. Akisis pushes him out of the way.

          "It looks like my evil plan really worked out well

            To see Lenalaye, it's amazing how hard she fell 

            Well then I guess that my work here is done

            I mean, how long ago did this fic run out of fun?" Akisis walks away and everybody shrugs. President Bush comes up,

          "Boy this chaos and fun, really beats the White House

           While I'm locked up in there the party is all doused!

           But  I guess I'm off  to wage more war on Saddam

           Just  please don't go blame'in me when he drops the bomb!"  Bush pulls out some guns and fires them into the air

          "Yeaaaaahawwwww!" then runs off.  The band Hoobastank steps up,

          "Well now that the evil author has been severely vanquished" sings Dan

           "Our good deed of the day's been done, the fic has ceased to languish!" sings Markku

            "So catch us on tour, traveling America we will really rock it!" sings Chris. 

           "  How  in the hell did that lemur get in my pocket??!!" Doug pulls out Kizitara who giggles and hauls tail out of there. The rest of the WhoseLine cast, which entrails Wayne, Brad, Chip and Greg, step up. 

          "Thank God this lousy piece of fic has met its overdue end" says Brad.

           "Though come to think of it we made a bunch of new friends!" Chip sings brightly. 

           "So I guess you could say this is something fuzzy and warm!" sings Wayne and Greg looks at him weirdly then says, 

          "Thanks for finishing this up with a statement made out of corn!" [made out of corn, corny, get it?!!] KAA walks up.

"Many, many moon ago when the idea first struck me

          I  had no idea it would inspire such  anarchy 

          For all this mess, hell, why not? I'm the one to blame

           Like everyone here, I guess I'm just insane!"

"Guess I'm just insaaaaaaaaaaaaaaane!" Everyone repeats the last line. 

          "Whohoo! It's over!" Chip triumphs.

          "No more weirdness!" Wayne cheers.

          "Not so fast…." a voice says. Everyone turns around to see two luminous beings. 

*gasp* "The Even Greater Ones!" Lenalaye and the other fanfic authors drop to their knees and bow. The beings smile. 

          "Who are you?" Drew asks. They turn to Ryan.

          "Ryan, I believe you summoned us not too long ago…"  one says. 

          "So you're the guys behind all this!" Ryan gasps. 

          "Yes, it is we, Xing and Bot. Being as such, we're going to set things straight." They turn to Lenalaye.

          "Authoress Lenalaye, stand." Len rises shakily to her feet. 

          "You are no longer allowed to use the people of Whose Line is it Anyway as characters."

          "Aww dammit!" she kicks the ground.

          "But you will still be given your Great One power and ranking." The other one adds. 

          "Cool!" Len brightens. 

          "Toomin, step forward." The first being, Xing says. He comes and stands in their bright glow.

          "You will be given back your power." Bot waves his hands and with an explosion of light, Toomin is once again Ellimist.

          ALL RIGHT! CAPITAL LETTERS! He cheers. 

          "Christopher?" the first being calls out. Nothing happens.

          "Christopher?" they call out again.

          "Christopher stop eating pixie sticks and get your ass over here!" Xing commands. A slightly fatter meercat waddles forward.

          "BUuuuuuuurP!" he belches.

          "Ugh…..you will become human again…." Xing waves his hands and Christopher is transformed back into his idiotic self. 

          " Dude! Oh man….I think I'm gonna be sick…" he clutches his stomach and wanders off. Etain [ if we remember from Everworld…] pushes through.

          "Okay stud, off to the fairy herbal garden with you…." she drags him away. 

          "All right I think that settles everything…." Xing and Bot get ready to leave.

          "WAIT!" Momo Claus cries out. The two turn around.

          "This is a humor fic, it needs to end on something funny!" she points out.

          "Hey! She's right! Let's tell a joke!" Xing and Bot huddle and whisper, then look up.

          "Okay, two penguins are sitting in a bathtub. One says 'Hey pass the soap!' and the other says 'What do I look like? A typewriter?'"

                                                The ENd 

*************************************************************

          AHAHHAHAHAAAA! Yes muchos funny…..go read the extra stuff! Tis more funny!


	16. End Note

          And so it came to pass in the land of reality and fanfiction that everyone went back to their more or less normal lives. Here's what became of them:

· All the fanfic characters went back to their categories to be maimed, killed, and forced to fall in love with.

· Ryan and the others went back to their lives. Colin wrote a book called "Whatcha Lookin' At?" about the rights that strange and eccentric people have in this world

· Drew Carey regained full control of his second show again. It's now in an all new season that's as hilarious as ever. 

· Ryan with his new-found power and ability wrote for a while. Then he grew tired of the clichés and constant slash fics [ and of Xing's damn tyranny!]. That and how fanfiction would constantly break down. He gave it up and went back to work on his acting career.

· Wayne Brady went on to  do his show, which then seemed to flop, so he returned to Whose Line and did a McDonald's commercial. 

· Lenalaye and her fanfic friends went out to celebrate at TGI Friday's. It was there that Akisis accidentally let it slip that she had conspired against Lenalaye. Lenalaye promptly opened up a can of whoop-ass on her. Akisis is in recovery and Lenalaye is in court awaiting her trial for abuse of characters and a fellow fanfic author. Once bail is set, it is expected that she will maintain her Great One status here at ff.net . 

· Gem Stoned went back to working on her Animorphs Humor Site, which is now called Funfics [ go see her profile!]eventually [ after badgering Lenalaye muchly to send her fic] adding this story to her fanfic section.

· After Toomin's power was restored to him, he and Drode went back up into the fourth dimension. Ellimist and  Drode reached a compromise: Drode would stay out of Ellimist's garden and Ellmist would refrain from calling Drode "Crayak's lil bitch."

· After three months Ellimist caught Bubbles cheating with MoJo Jojo and have since broken up. He is currently dating J Lo. 

· After 450,786,523 consecutive catches, Crayak missed to get the ball in the cup. In a fit of fury he blew up Toronto and then found a ball and paddle. He's currently at 289,456 consecutive hits. 

· Bot and Xing went back to maintain their wonderful but cranky site. Xing began turning to the dark side….

· Christopher being returned to  his human form  went on with the others to make Everworld a miniseries. Jason Behr, Sean Connery, and Tea Leoni are cast so far. 

· Linkin Park and Lifehouse went on to make more great music. Later, when bored on their tour bus, Linkin Park decided to re-write their song "Step Up"--------à (next chpt.)

· Seth and Elia [from waaaaaaaay back] are still searching the ABC studio for the band, Helium 19

· The reader, bewildered but amazed went on to write a review about how stunning this fic was.

                THANK YOU! THANK YOU! THANK YOU!  
          You have finished this fic! I hope you enjoyed reading it as much as I did writing it. R/R please, tell me what you thought, what your fave parts were and so on. Again thank you! Have a nice day. J


	17. Three Months Later

Three months later….(why do I refuse to actually end this?)

PS: let's just pretend Wayne Brady still has his show, because dammit! I wrote this a long time ago and it made sense! 

          The audience claps ( full of fanfic authors, because Len keeps her promises J ) and cheers. 

"Okay thank you very much. And now what I know you've all been waiting for. They're the newest thing on the music scene with their hit album Hybrid Theory. Here they are, performing their new rendition of 'Step Up', LINKIN PARK!!!" Wayne Brady claps and cheers along with the audience. The camera goes to the stage where the band appears. Mike and Chester walk out, mics in hand. 

          "Hey wassup everyone! Mr. Hahn if you will please…." Mike says. The beginning starts and Mike and Chester begin pacing around.

          "Watch as the page loads

 Mentally screwed up, mixed media slang banging in your boom box. 

Literal violence, lyrical stylists in a time when game crossovers were childish. 

You can't temp me with fics that are empty. 

Doing clichés doesn't make you a great one. 

With your lack of skill and creativity, I think you're done. 

And a great one in your faves just for notoriety.

          I heard that some of you have been getting help with your fiction. 

You're not a great one if you're taking someone's diction.  

Writing #54 fics doesn't make you unique.

 Cuz I've seen a lot of those and they're beginning to reek!

But now they're getting all mixed and slashed up all after a fast review, and the material isn't beau. 

So what's it come down to? None of it's real, you wanna be a great one you gotta study the skill.

          "Who can write a fic like this? 

Bring it to you every time like this? 

Who can write a fic like this? 

Step, step up, step, step up."

"So you log online and write yourself a new identity but in reality you don't have the creative energy. 

With a tendency to make them predictable. 

Makes it sound like Top Forty's fictional equal. 

And your beta staff completely miss it 

And all the others are flamein' it for not being legitimate. 

So in a forum you can't hack it react with whack shit 

And get smacked with verbal lash whips. 

Get your ass kicked my fabulous fic catalyst. 

It's taken decades for authors to establish this. 

So if you're new to fanfiction then welcome if you're serious 

But not on the boards, leave that to the experienced.

(computerized voice) Using waves of skill, the true great one paralyzes their opponent, leaving them open to flames…..

Who can write a fic like this? 

Bring it to you every time like this? 

Who can write a fic like this?

 Step, step, up, step, step up."

Who can write a fic like this? 

Bring it to you every time like this? 

Who can write a fic like this? 

Step, step, up, step, step up.

(computerized voice) After years of painstaking research by the world's leading fic scientists, we here at fanfiction.net have instituted a reliable flame system.  For actual movement of this through code and space in order to attack or neutralize the fictional structure of the actual story, the question must be asked…

Who can write a fic like this? 

Bring it to you every time like this? 

Who can write a fic like this? 

Step, step, up, step, step up."

Who can write a fic like this? 

Bring it to you every time like this? 

Who can write a fic like this? 

Step, step, up, step, step up." Mr. Hahn does his thing and the audience erupts into cheers. 

"Thank you! PEACE OUT!!!" Chester screams into the mic. They begin to file offstage.

"WAIIIIIIT! Let's do an Herbal Essence Commercial!" Lenalaye runs onto the stage and yells after them.

"Run for it guys!" Mike drops the mic and they all dash out.

*************************************************************

          I was waiting for an opportunity to fic that song…..

Ahem. Well, I finally finished it. The story has been told! So why am I writing this?

          Well, to anyone who cares anymore, this will be last fic. I am retiring now from my life at fanfiction.net. I've written over 60 fics and been here since January 14, 2001. I feel proud….

          I also want to thank you, the audience. For being my support, my joy, and my teachers. When I came to fanfiction.net, my writing it was…..well….let's just say I wasn't the brightest bulb on the tree in that area. I was frustrated in trying to write my own stories to point where I was near depression. But ah, I was then told by some friends about this magickal website….and with my first ever fic "New World, Old Problem" in the Animorphs category, my training began.

          Of course, I eventually erased that story and attempted others like "The Drode Chronicles" and "Ethereal Darkness" [ in the now dead Linkin Park category]. Each failure brought me new lessons. Heck, like you saw in chpt 14, I never thought I could write humor and well, I did! This was very satisfying for me and I only wished that I had come around to finishing it sooner and not loosing all those who had been so faithful to me before. Alas, the animorphs series finished, so many categories have been erased, life has become more fast-paced, friends grew distant, I have nothing really left here…

    I have learned what I could and I am forever thankful. I will miss the community and the utter glee I got from reading reviews, spending so many hours at the website.  I will remember the music videos, the poems, the odd little stories I came up with.I want to thank all those who I have lost touch with but who provided great strength for me, like Akisis, Momo Claus, EllimistGirl, Gem Stoned, Jade Mishima,  Jicklet, Danel, Air Wolf, Hazel N. Mitchell, Rach*, and anyone else I might have missed. I'm sorry it didn't last. 

          I also want to thank Amethyst [ at least I think that was the name…] who wrote the fic about the Yeerk [ aura, was that its name?] who befriended Ax. That was the one very first fics I ever read and I loved it to death and it made me want to write my own. Also to Rb [ who I believe wrote the very first fic I read which was an Everworld music video to a Savage Garden song, its been awhile, I could be wrong….], who inspired me to write my own music videos. 

    Eh, enough of this gloom! I'm off to try writing my own novels and short stories. I'm gonna kick back and read some other fics every now and then. Try and take the lessons I learned and apply them. So I guess this is Lenalaye signing off saying "So long and thanks for all the fics!"

THANK YOU SO MUCH!!!

                   [ you too Wingstar, I'm glad you liked this!]

                   ( check out 'Omniscience', I put a preview for this fic there!]

------- Lenalaye

------ Odrin too!


End file.
